Gorillaz Phase Two
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: The band is headed back to Kong after a long break, getting settled in, and starting work on the next album. There's still some tension and mystery between 2D and Murdoc though. Continuation from Gorillaz Phase One
1. Chapter 1

The call was unexpected; it came right as Murdoc was just about to go back to Kong. He stared at the caller I.D. on his cell phone for the longest time before he had finally answered.

"Ello?" He asked his voice was nearly hesitant.

"Hey Murdoc I'm boarding a plane back to Kong, are you still there?" Russel's voice sounded from the other end.

"No…No, but I was just on my way to the airport….Are…Are Noodle and 2D with you, are they coming back yet?"

He felt nervous, he wasn't sure why. It'd been a few years though since he'd seen his band mates. It had been ages since he'd heard Russel's voice; it'd been ages since he'd said the dullard's name out loud.

"They aren't with me, but Noodle called me a few days ago saying she wanted to get back home and asked me to call D for her since she doesn't have his number….So are you goin' meet us back there or did you ditch us for a new band?" The drummer asked jokingly.

Murdoc laughed, he hadn't laughed for a long time…It actually felt whether weird; he looked around the airport, the people rushing around. All of them had some place to be, most of them were on business trips.

"Yeah I replaced dullard with a machine, least it doesn't complain." He said laughing dryly.

"So I'll be back at Kong probably tonight or tomorrow morning, hard to tell…They keep delaying the damned flights, not sure when Noodle and 2D will be back though. I'll call you if anything changes, alright?"

"Yeah, al'ight, talk to you later." Murdoc said as he clicked the phone off shoving it back into his jeans pocket.

He sat back in the gray plastic chair and stared off. He wondered how much had changed; he knew something had to have changed in all of that time. It'd only been a few years, but really it felt like decades to him. He thought back to the last time he had seen 2D, he'd tried to talk to him that morning, but nothing came of it. The singer had slammed the front door in his face and that was the end of that, he actually missed his voice. He missed so many things about him that he never thought that he would and soon he'd be seeing him again….Knowing the dullard he'd probably be over their fight, over the hurt he had been feeling all that time ago. He'd be back in the bassist arms by the end of the week….What if something changed though, he knew it was a ridiculous thought, but something in the back of his mind told him things would be different now.

In a few more hours he would be back at Kong, be back with his band mates….Back with his family; he would never express to any of them that he actually missed them. It made him physically ill even confessing it to himself, he didn't miss people. They left, he consumed so much alcohol he forgot they ever existed and that was that. This was different though, these people were coming back into his life, and one of them scared the hell out of him. The way 2D made him feel made him hate him, made him want to punch him….That's what he'd done last time and that resulted in the far too long break, he knew he needed to lay off with his temper for awhile. He wanted the singer to stay this time; he didn't need to lose him again….Fuck why couldn't things just stay the way they had been back in their little flat where everything was alright….

He couldn't wait to get back to Kong just so he could drink; he'd barely been sober five hours. Sometimes the alcohol helped to kill his emotions, but sometimes it just made them worse. He would actually cry sometimes, Murdoc, cry. He wanted to hit himself in the face as he thought about it, there'd been a few times he'd cried just over his life in general and then other times it would be over the blue haired singer.

Nobody would ever know about that though, there were a lot of things they would never know about. He wondered if he should start his sexual relationship with the singer back up….Nothing about it had worked out the way he had hoped, all he'd wanted from it was some comfort, and a lot of shagging. He hadn't wanted the younger man to get so attached or for himself to feel something, something that he didn't even want to admit to.

He listened to the announcements over the loud speaker as they announced his flight. He stood and made his way through the crowded building. He was on his way back to Kong and this time he wouldn't be there alone.


	2. Chapter 2

When Murdoc arrived at Kong he saw Russel sitting outside of the large studio next to a young girl with purple hair that fell down over her face. The bassist approached the two and they stopped whatever conversation they were having before the older man arrived. He studied the drummer and swore that he was two times larger in height than he had been a few years ago and something about him just seemed rather off like something was missing. He turned his attention to the young girl next to him who appeared to be in her mid teen years, her hair just reached her shoulders.

"Noodle, t'at really yew luv?" He asked tilting his head to the side as he studied the young girl who was almost his height.

She smiled brightly as she jumped to her feet wrapping her arms around him tightly; he wrapped an arm around her and patted his free hand on the top of her head.

"I missed you a lot, both of you. I missed being with family, when is 2D-san coming back?" The young girl asked as she broke away and looked between the two men curiously.

"He said he'd be here by tomorrow morning, she's grown a lot hasn't she?" Russel asked looking up at Murdoc smiling slightly.

He could only nod in reply, she looked so different. Part of him was relived she was no longer a little kid and that she could speak decent English now, but part of him did miss the small girl in the FedEx crate.

"So wot 'appened to yew lot while we were all away?" Mudoc asked as the three made their way inside of the vacant home.

"Well I tried to get help for something, I was thinking there was still a demon inside of me….I was right, but when they were removing it I lost my friends too….I was out of it for a long time afterwards and when I finally came to and they told me Del and the others were gone too….I just couldn't handle it, losing my friends twice in my lifetime…I couldn't handle that, I just got really depressed, and after awhile I decided it was time to come back here." The drummer said looking off in the distance like he was still lost in his mind.

His vacant white eyes made the grave tone of his voice even eerier. Murdoc had always liked the ghosts caged up in the younger man's head; he really couldn't imagine what he was feeling. He'd never really had friends and he never had any who would want to possess him once they died.

"Wot about yew luv?"

Noodle sat down on the large gray couch and stared up at the two men. There was still something off about her; he remembered how before they left Kong she hadn't spoken. She would scream at night, sometimes words, but mostly just shrieking. He was still getting used to hearing her speak, especially hearing her speak in English even though her Japanese accent was still quite thick.

"The man who shipped me here originally was a doctor, he had been taking care of me….I was part of an experiment….A child army, there were twenty-three of us, they had trained us to be cold blooded murderers designed to kill and nothing more. Once they were done with us they planned on killing us, but I managed to survive, the doctor who took care of me refused to let them kill me like the other children. He helped me become…Human, I learned to play guitar when I was living with him….I don't have my nightmares much anymore, I feel finally like I am at peace….I still do not really know about family though, where they are, or if they are alive." She said bowing her head.

Part of him waited for her to cry, he glanced over at Russel who seemed as lost as him. He wanted to say he couldn't believe they would do such things to little kids, but nothing really seemed to surprise him when it came to wars. He hated it had to happen to her though, she was like a little sister to him, and all that time of seeing her lost and confused not wanting to say anything had killed him. It'd killed all of them, he hated himself for wishing she'd just come from an abusive home. He shuddered when he thought about the things she had to do; it was a bit disturbing to hear. He wondered if she could snap, it explained how well she could fight, but it still bothered him the more he thought over it.

"You're with family Noodle, we're your family." Russel said finally breaking the ever growing silence.

The young girl looked up at him smiling sadly.

"Yeah he's right luv, yer safe 'ere wit' us, and dullard whenever he gets back 'ere."

The larger man shot the bassist a look.

"When D gets here you need to lay off of that shit." The drummer warned.

"Excuse me, why should I?" Murdoc asked feeling annoyed and offended.

"That's the kind of shit that got him upset before the break. The kid's been really confused all of this time, but he seemed happy when I was talking to him in the past couple of months. I just don't want you screwing it up by knocking more of his teeth out or making him leave the band again."

"Ah bloody hell he never left in t'e first place."

"Yeah only cause that was the day Noodle arrived here, if it wasn't for her he would have left." Russel spat back angrily.

"Could you two please not fight, we have only been together an hour so far. Russel-san is right; you need to be kinder to 2D. I know he is not very….Smart, but he does like you a lot and it does hurt him when you scream at him."

Murdoc could feel the anger welling up inside of him. He bit at his tongue deciding it was better to just leave the room instead of screaming. He stormed off into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of rum and made his way back into the rec room and towards the elevator.

"Oh by the way man your skin looks kinda green." Russel said sounding confused.

"Yeah and ya look fuckin' fat."

With that the elevator doors closed and he was headed down to the lower parts of Kong. There were a lot of vacant rooms he had discovered over break, a lot of places to go, and just get piss stinking drunk. That's what he planned to do tonight; he knew it was stupid to spend the first night with his band mates locked up in a dark room getting drunk. He couldn't help it though, old habits were hard to break, and he really didn't want to break them anyways.

Be nice to the idiot, why did he have to be nice to him? So what they had shagged a lot, yeah he'd said and done a lot of cruel things to the singer, but that was his fucking fault for taking it. He deserved all of the shit that he got for never really standing up for himself, even if it resulted in Murdoc breaking every bone in his body. He just wanted 2D to stand up to him, hit him, or kick him, something.

He never did though and it drove him to the brink of insanity, no he was already there.

He went into the first room he came to, it was filled with boxes. Mostly weapons, rum, and pornographic material. He had a lot of boxes like that sitting around the studio, nobody really knew about them. He liked it that way, he thought about visiting his portal to Hell, but he really wasn't in the mood for dealing with those things. He just wanted to get good and drunk, pass out, and wake up in time to greet the singer of his band. He wondered for a moment if anything had changed, all of them had changed some obviously, but picturing a changed 2D was near impossible. He would be the same submissive over sensitive idiot he had been all of those years ago.


	3. Chapter 3

As usual Murdoc managed to sleep until nearly three in the afternoon. He woke with a painful throbbing in his head and an empty whiskey bottle by his side. He could just hear voices from somewhere in the distance; he sat up and looked around realizing he wasn't in his Winnie, instead he had been lying on the floor in one of the abandoned rooms in Kong. He slowly stood to his feet stumbling in the process; he placed his hand against the wall to keep from falling down. He slowly edged his way out of the darkened room, into the elevator, and up to the rec room where he thought the voices were coming from.

When the doors creaked open he saw his band mates all sitting around, 2D was sitting on the chair smiling at the drummer and guitarist. Once they heard the doors open they all stopped and turned their attention to the bassist who felt annoyed at their staring.

"Wot t'e fuck are yew all starin' at?" Murdoc asked, his voice came out in a near growl as he stared down his band mates.

Russel shook his head and looked away from the older man, probably irritated that the Satanist couldn't be civil for even a second. Noodle bowed her head not saying anything and 2D just stared up at him like he was trying to figure out what the hell he was.

"Wot do yew wan' faceache?" He growled angrily

The younger man kept staring at him with those round black eyes of his. Murdoc clenched his fists at his sides trying his best to hold back the ever growing urge to just beat the living Hell out of him. Why did he have to stare like that, why was he so fucking stupid? He actually looked quite attractive without all of his bruises and cuts….Fuck why was he even thinking like that?

"Nofink I was jus' talkin' to Noodle and Russ….Yew've really grown up a lot luv." The blue haired man said turning his attention back to the teenage girl, the smile reappearing on his face.

Noodle looked up at him smiling happily. Murdoc rolled his eyes and made his way into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of rum. He could still hear them talking and laughing, catching up on everything that they had missed over the past few years. He'd already heard them talk before, he'd only seen the dullard for a couple of minutes, and he already wanted to smash his face in. He was always so fucking stupid and that attitude he was starting to show. Maybe some things had changed with the younger man, but nothing that Murdoc couldn't fix with a few hits.

He sat down at the kitchen table propping his feet up on the wooden surface. The house didn't feel as dead and haunted as it had in the years before when he was the only one there. It actually had life in it for once like he had wanted, but here he was in the kitchen working on his never ending supply of alcohol while his band mates chattered away with one another. From what Noodle and Russel told him they had been through a lot of hell during break, but yet they sounded so happy. He never understood it, no matter what happened to them they could always push it to the side for awhile. 2D of course seemed like he'd had no problems at all while away living with his parents, the idiot probably spent all of his time staring off into space.

After an hour the talking died down and he could hear doors closing down the hallway signaling that everybody had left. They were still getting used to being back at Kong, when you spent time away from the place you tended to notice things more when you finally came back. Murdoc took the sound of closing doors as a sign he could come out into the rec room.

He made his way into the room, but stopped when he saw 2D still sitting there now staring blankly off into the distance. Something seemed off about him though, something about his face, and the way that his black eyes gleamed. He hated how he could always tell there was something wrong with the dullard; he didn't want to read his emotions. Murdoc grunted and sat down on the couch, he could feel eyes on him, but never looked up from the floor.

"So no 'ello from yew t'en?" 2D asked his voice sounded distant.

"Fine, ello, idiot." He mumbled bitterly in reply.

"Yew can' go a single secon' wit'out talkin' down to me can yew?" The younger man asked sounding quite annoyed.

"Yer a bloody idiot, t'at's why."

Murdoc continued staring down at the nearly empty bottle he held loosely in his hands. He studied his slightly green tinged skin and his quite long and pointed nails; he hadn't really noticed them much before.

"Why yew gotta act t'is way for, god dammit why won't yew even fuckin' look at me?"

The older man sighed feeling frustrated; he looked over at the singer.

"Fine is t'is better, yew fuckin' nitwit."

The singer narrowed his eyes at him then closed them tightly as he took in a deep breath then let it out slowly.

"Not sure why I expected yew to change or somefink, yer still a fuckin' bastard."

He sounded more disappointed than angry; Murdoc could only smirk at his remark.

He thought over the times he'd laid on the singer's bed, thought about him, about things they had done with each other. The times he had actually cried in that stupid messed little room as he thought about how much pain he'd put the singer through. He felt angry as he thought over it, his grip tightened on the bottle to keep from hitting the other man.

"So 'ow was it bein' at home workin' a normal job?"

2D looked at him skeptically like he was trying to find the joke in the question. After another drawn out moment of silence he finally answered.

"It was real nice actually….Not too fun workin' t'e rides t'ough…Kids kept on throwin' t'ings at me cause of me eyes and stuff, but othe' t'an t'at it wa'nt too bad…I really missed playin music t'ough so I'm real glad to be back and all, I forgot 'ow much I missed Noodle and Russel." He said smiling faintly.

"So ya didn' miss me?"

2D stared at him; his eyes were intense even if they were just pools of black and blood.

"No"

With that he stood up and made his way out of the room never stopping or looking back at the older man. Murdoc sat there staring at the now empty chair, he was actually in shock. The answer along with the tone of voice it had been said in shocked the hell out of him. He wondered why all of a sudden his singer was this way….Right he answered that question ages ago.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're a real dick, ya know that right?" Russel asked as Murdoc made his way into the recording studio.

The bassist hadn't really planned on doing anything productive in the room. It had become one of his drinking spots since nobody seemed to be ready to get to recording in the past few days since they all returned to Kong.

"Wot t'e fuck are yew doin' here?"

"We've been back for what a week if that and already you're fucking with 2D."

Murdoc rolled his eyes and took a seat on a black leather recliner he had set up in the room. The drummer sat on the ground across from him glaring like dirty looks would change the older man into a good person.

"Fuckin' hell I've been doin' it for years now why stop now?"

"He almost left the band when you went too far once then last time he actually willingly left Kong. Maybe if you keep this up he'll just leave all together, what's with you anyways?"

"I'm evil mate, always 'ave been; rude fuckin' bastard, basically born into t'is role 'ere." He stated proudly as he grinned at the younger man.

The larger man rubbed at his face and groaned in frustration.

"Why yew so worried about me botherin' dullard, shouldn' ya be clothes shopping wit' Noodle or somethin'?" He asked smirking.

"I'm worried cause we all just got back and I really don't feel like losing my family again because you have to be a dick."

"Yew through yet?" Murdoc asked sounding bored.

He was pissed off on the inside, but he wasn't going to let it show. He watched as the drummer stood and made his way out of the room mumbling under his breath. Surely cussing about the older man, good; like he was going to tell lard ass about what was really going on. Like he would tell anybody that it killed him 2D wasn't talking to him much or that they hadn't really been alone much. When they were alone though Murdoc usually ended up punching him or screaming at him, he wouldn't if the singer just stopped fucking staring. Anytime they were around each other the younger man was staring at him, it wasn't the kind of staring that it used to be. It wasn't like he really missed those love filled stares, but he was annoyed with these blank ones….He almost seemed depressed or like he was hiding something….What could the idiot be hiding from him?

He tried to think, but came up short. 2D was too stupid and sometimes too hyper to keep secrets. He generally ended up telling somebody and that somebody was usually Murdoc….Though sometimes he would tell Noodle things and now that she spoke near perfect English he wondered if the singer had turned to her for advice.

He swore for a moment he felt jealous, why was he jealous? Good he didn't have to hear 2D's bitching about his headaches and his depression, that annoying voice of his.

Murdoc returned to his drinking, by the time he would be done it'd be night time. He liked spending his days this way; locked up in some darkened room with a bottle of booze. He'd spent all of that time doing this waiting for his band to come back and when they finally did he kept to his schedule of binge drinking. He really was something quite fucked up, two dents was the only one in their odd little group to know all of the reasons….His memory and attention span were so fucking bad he probably didn't remember anything the Satanist had said to him. Thoughts like that pissed him off, he used to be scared 2D would remember everything he'd done or said to him. Yet when he realized he didn't remember too much and over time what he did remember he eventually seemed to forget, it left the bassist feeling angry. Hell even he hated himself some times.

A few hours later the booze was gone and he could tell by the deadening chill going through the room that night time had fallen on Kong. At night the place seemed creepier, dead to the living, and quite alive for the dead. Murdoc pulled himself unsteadily up from the chair and made his way back to the rec roomed determined to grab some beer then head off to his private little space in the parking garage.

He nearly fell over a pulled out chair, but caught his balance when he placed his hand on the fridge. He grabbed a few bottles and made his way out to the garage and inside of his Winnebago where he collapsed on one of the beaten up chairs and began drinking again.

Sometimes he thought he was getting sick of alcohol, sometimes he had thought he was getting tired of sex…Actually he hadn't had sex for awhile now, alcohol though…Truthfully he only thought that way when he hadn't had enough of it.

He thought he heard sounds outside, but gave it up to the booze. Hell he felt like his head was going to explode if he drank anymore, in another hour he'd be passed out on the ground read to drown in his own spit. The sounds outside continued though and were able to stir the bassist curiosity. He groaned as he slowly pulled himself up to his feet and carefully made his way over to a window looking out in the dimly lit lot. He saw 2D standing outside with his cell phone in hand talking to somebody; the younger man laughed then hung up the phone before getting into his car and leaving.

Who had he been talking to, he never really went out unless it was with one of the others. Murdoc sat down and began thinking over it, he threw the bottle behind him listening to it hit the ground breaking. He wasn't going to let himself black out tonight, he was too curious about where the vocalist had just went to and who he had been talking to…He had actually sounded happy on the phone, something Murdoc hadn't really heard for awhile now.

Wait why did he care, this was so stupid. He didn't care about the little fucking idiot; he was probably talking to somebody back home, and was probably going to buy cigarettes. Murdoc looked at the digital clock next to him to see it was after eleven, definitely not a cigarette run…Where the hell was he going then, they'd barely been back, was this the first time he had went out? He wanted to say that he would know other wise, but he had spent the past few days passing out drunk as hell. The world could have blown up and he never would have heard it.

This felt stupid though, he didn't care who the singer got with. He doubted he was getting with anybody, he was too stupid, and strange looking to get anybody other than Murdoc. Maybe he was just out walking; he had seemed rather depressed lately. He noticed there were quite a few times that the blue haired man looked utterly depressed. Sometimes he had asked him about it and was usually shocked at how much torment he put himself through mentally or that his migraines had driven him to the point of wanting to end his life on several different occasions. Those things had bothered the older man, made him hold the younger man in hopes that would solve something.

Those were different times though, times before tours, and disgustingly easy women. Times before 2D walked in to see him with those two women, the rage and hurt in his eyes.

He sat mentally arguing with himself with whether he cared or not. He looked over to see that it was nearly four in the morning now; he'd spent all night fighting with himself over the stupid little bastard.

He heard the sound of a car approaching and looked up momentarily blinded by the head lights. The engine died down returning the area to its usual near darkness; Murdoc watched as the blue haired man stumbled out of the car smiling lazily, his hair was messed, and his clothes looked like they'd been pulled at. The bassist felt the rage burning inside of him as the younger man disappeared out of sight, some part of him wanted to go after him, and beat the hell out of him.

He let out a growl as he slammed his fist into a wall sending pain through his arm like a bullet. He pulled back looking down at his bloodied knuckles, he began cussing under his breath as he made his way over to his bed. He fell onto the beat up mattress and stared up at the ceiling, he was beginning to sober up. When he sobered up he actually began to feel things, the rage had gone for the time being, and now he felt a tight knot in his stomach. He didn't know what it was; he didn't want to know what it was, because it felt like the same one that had made him cry all of those times. He knew he would beat the shit out the vocalist the minute he saw him.


	5. Chapter 5

It was becoming a pattern now. Over the past couple of weeks Murdoc noticed that 2D would go out once everybody was in bed then come back in the early hours of the morning generally looking rather drunk and far too happy. Murdoc felt like a creepy old man for watching the singer, but he couldn't help it. The day after he generally greeted the taller man by beating the crap out of him, no explanation to it, he'd beat him, and then leave the room.

This morning was no different as the hung over bassist stumbled into the kitchen to see nobody except for the blue haired man. 2D stood at the counter just staring off into space, when he noticed the older man staring at him he snapped back to reality and almost looked ashamed as he now looked at the shorter man.

"Where's Russ and Noodle at and why yew keep Fuckin starin' off into space for, ya fuckin' idiot." Murdoc growled angrily

He grabbed a bottle from the cabinet and could still feel those black orbs on him.

"Stop yer fuckin' starin" He yelled angrily

"Why yew always drink so much, y'know yer skin is startin' to look kinda green." 2D said as he continued studying the bassist, he almost sounded worried.

"I drink cause I gotta live 'round yew, ya Fuckin idiot."

The concern faded into annoyance.

"Why yew gotta act t'at way, I'm jus' tryna talk to yew."

Murdoc could feel the anger boiling up inside of him, he sat the bottle down on the table and stalked over to the singer pinning him back against the counter. They just stood there staring at each other waiting for somebody to speak or make some sort of a mood, he waited for fear to flood the singer's eyes, but it never did. There were still some bruises and cuts on his face and neck from previous attacks.

"Cause I fuckin' hate yew, yer fuckin' voice, and t'e way yer always looking at me. Ever since yew came back to Kong yew jus' keep on looking at me like yer fucking guilty or some shit. I'm really getting' sick of it faceache, yer so bloody stupid."

"Fuck yew" 2D growled angrily as he pushed against the older man's chest trying to get him to back away.

With that Murdoc's fist connected with his jaw knocking his head back. The younger man cried out in pain and his body began to shake, the bassist grabbed a fist full of his hair and threw him down onto the tile floor and began kicking him in the stomach. He looked down at him noticing he wasn't really crying yet, he was just staring and letting out weak little whimpers. The bassist kicked him onto his back and sat down straddling his lower stomach; he placed one hand firmly around his throat, and with the other began punching the vocalist in the face repeatedly. He wanted him to cry, he needed to see him do something with those stupid black eyes of his. He could feel the body under his tense then begin to shake violently, tears began flowing from his eyes as his whimpers turned into sobs. With that Murdoc stopped and sat back looking at him. 2D's face was bruised and bloodied; he put his hands up over his face to hide himself from the older man's view.

"Fuckin' pathetic" Murdoc growled as he climbed off of him.

He grabbed his bottle and wondered off to one of the other rooms where he planned on spending most of the night getting drunk. He knew he would end up going to spy on the singer though, it was his habit, and it was one he didn't plan on breaking until he figured it out. He already knew though, he knew the little bastard was seeing some fucking girl, or maybe it was more than that.

He entered one of the rooms in the lower parts of Kong and sat down on a pile of cardboard boxes. He looked at his blood stained hand and sighed heavily. Now that the rage was gone he just felt strange, like he hadn't accomplished anything. Somehow he felt that whatever the situation between them was he had just made it five times worse than it had already been. It was 2D's fault for thinking he could talk to him, he couldn't do that. He couldn't go from hating the bassist and then go on worrying about him and looking at him like he had something to hide…Obviously he was hiding something, he knew he could probably ask, but the younger man would lie about it. Murdoc knew he felt better when he just hit him instead, but once it was over he just felt like hell. He felt like every time he hit him anymore he was getting closer to losing everything all over again.

He took a long drink from the bottle hoping to wash those thoughts away. They were disgusting thoughts; he really did miss the old days. He'd fucked them up, but it was 2D's fault for looking at him like he had feelings for him. It was always somebody else's fault.


	6. Chapter 6

After hours of drinking Murdoc finally emerged from the room he had been hidden in. He admitted he had passed out for awhile after the rum had run out, he made his way up to the main floor and looked to see that it was nearly four in the morning. He was still angry, not as angry as he had been though. He wasn't really sure anymore who he hated at the moment, but in the end it just made him more annoyed towards 2D….This was so pathetic, a normal person would talk things out. A normal person probably would have just dated the blue haired singer instead of treating him like some rag doll he loved one second then tore the arms off of the next….He leaned back against the kitchen counter closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He hated thinking about it, but maybe he really should talk to him. Maybe it was a good idea to go and talk to the younger man…He didn't know what he would say, apologize for what happened back at the hotel all those years ago. He knew he should say he didn't mean to beat him, maybe if the younger man even talked to him at all he could ask him where he'd been sneaking off to the past couple of weeks.

The bassist opened a new bottle of rum and took a long drink from it; he sat the bottle down on the counter, and made his way to the singer's bedroom. He stopped with his hand on the door knob closing his eyes tightly as he pushed the door open, when he opened them again he just froze his eyes widening in shock at the scene before him.

2D was on his bed his head thrown back against a pillow, eyes shut tightly as loud moans escaped his mouth. Above him was a man who appeared to be in his early twenties; his skin was pale, heavily tattooed, he had three lip piercings, green eyes, and black dreadlocks. His pierced mouth was currently on the vocalist neck biting causing the blue haired man to arch his back.

Murdoc gripped the handle tighter; he slammed the door hard against the wall. 2D's eyes snapped open; he pushed the younger man off of him as he sat up staring at the bassist with a look of pure shock and confusion. The black haired man just sat back and looked over at the Satanist like nothing about the situation bothered him.

"Wot t'e fuck are yew doing?"

The black haired man laughed and shook his head.

"What's it look like were doin?" He said smiling wickedly.

Murdoc could feel the rage building up inside of him.

"I didn't fucking ask yew, yew ugly goth wanna be fuckin' cunt." He yelled, his body shook with rage.

2D just sat staring at him, his face was red, eyes wide, and his mouth hung open.

"I-I….I-I-I….He…"

"I met 2D here in a bar last night and we went to my place, decided we'd come to his place this time. I'm Neil by the way, you're the bassist right?"

Murdoc made his way over to the bed grabbing the younger man by his black hair and jerking him down onto the floor. Neil looked up at him in shock and began to get up as the look turned to anger; the bassist hauled his foot back and kicked the younger man hard in the stomach knocking him back to the floor.

"Only move yew better be makin' is to get yer fuckin' clothes on and get t'e hell out of my house yew rotted piece of shit." Murdoc growled as the rage built up inside of him.

Neil sat staring up at him for a little bit, he slowly crawled to his feet, and began collecting his clothes. Murdoc didn't even watch him, a few minutes later the door slammed and he could hear hurried foot steps outside. 2D still sat looking up at him like he didn't even know how to react to the situation.

"Yew stupid fucking whore, how could yew do t'at to me?" Murdoc yelled angrily

With that the singer snapped out of his shock, he shook his head causing hair to fall over his face. He quickly got out of the bed reaching down and grabbing his jeans off of the floor.

"Wot, how dare yew fuckin' call me t'at?" The singer yelled sounding insulted

Murdoc grabbed him by his shoulders and slammed him back into a wall.

"Wot am I suppose to call yew t'en after I see yew gettin' fucked by some dread lock haired fuck?" Murdoc screamed as he began shaking the younger man.

The Satanist backed away from him then hit him hard in the stomach causing him to drop to his knees doubled over. He reached down grabbing the singer by the hair jerking his head back violently so that they were eye to eye again.

"Let go of me yew fuckin' bastard, leave me alone. T'is isn' any of yer fuckin' business wot I do and who ever I do it wit'." He muttered as he tried to pull away from the older man's hard grasp.

The bassist released him, 2D stood shakily to his feet with one arm still wrapped around his midsection. Murdoc felt disgusted as he looked at him, he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd walked in on. No other man was supposed to do those things to him, no other man was supposed to make him moan like that. Those were things that were promised to him years ago, he felt sick.

"Yew fuckin' promised me yew worthless fuck, yew promised me yew would never get wit' another man. I fucking own yew, yew belong to me, yer my fucking singer, and my property."

"I don't belong to yew, remember? Wot so it's okay fer yew to go an-and shag some birds yew met at one of our concerts when yew told me yew wouldn't, but I can't shag a few guys?" 2D asked his voice was high; it broke a few times like he was ready to break down crying.

Murdoc stared at him, his eyes widened slightly. There had been more than one guy, he tried to process it. The singer shook his head and smiled bitterly when he noticed the older man's reaction.

"Yeah t'at's right he's not t'e firs' guy I've 'ad sex wit' since I left Kong. I don't fuckin' belong to yew Mu'doc."

The bassist wrapped his fingers around his throat tightly and slammed him back against the wall. He hauled a fist back ready to hit him, he expected fear, but he didn't see any. The singer just looked down at him waiting for the hit, why keep him waiting?

He began punching the younger man repeatedly, after the fifth hit he finally pulled away letting him drop to the ground.

"How many t'en, yer jus' some worthless fuckin' tramp now aren't ya?" Murdoc growled as he kicked him in the stomach knocking him onto his ass.

"Wot so I'm jus' a whore like yew now?" 2D asked as he stumbled to his feet.

The bassist held in the urge to hit him, he was sick of hitting him. He was sick of touching him; he didn't want to touch him knowing that another guy had just been touching him. He couldn't figure out the difference, why it was okay for him to have sex with so many women, but 2D couldn't be with anybody. He was always the option, he'd always been waiting like a dog waiting for its master to come back home from work.

"Shut yer mouth."

"Make me, I'm sick of t'is. Go 'head beat me up if ya wan' to, I don' fuckin' care anymore! So yeah I dated some guys when I was in England, I've been wit' some guys here, bu' at least I'm not like yew. Why is it wrong fer me to do t'is when yew do wot you do? I'm sick of t'is, every time an interviewer woul' ask if yew were gay yew would freak out. Yew would go on sayin' 'ow much yew love women and 'ow yew would never 'ave sex wit' another bloke. T'en after t'e interview was over yew would take me back to t'e hotel and fuck me. So don' Fuckin act like I'm doin somefink wrong." 2D yelled as tears began rolling down his face, he looked pissed. His body was shaking with each word and his face showed the rage flowing through his body.

"I'm not gay yew idiot, I'm not fuckin' gay. Shagging yew don' make me gay, it makes me fuckin' desperate. I'd 'ave to be desperate for a fuck to have sex wit' some ugly piece of shit fagg-"

Murdoc stopped himself before the rest of the word came out. He averted his eyes from the younger man avoiding his intense stare, he'd call him anything, but he wouldn't call him that. He didn't know why, but something about that word just seemed too far especially in this situation.

"Wot, c'mon Mu'doc fuckin' finish t'e word."

"No I'm not sayin' it faceache." He said shaking his head.

He wasn't even enraged anymore, his head felt light, his stomach was killing him, and he was beginning to feel exhausted.

Before he knew it he was being slammed back against a wall, he looked up to see 2D glaring down at him. His hands were pressed firmly against his chest to keep him from moving, he knew he could easily get the younger man off of him, but he was too tired. He was done with this; he just wanted to get back to drinking, and possibly burn some things.

"Say it yew fuckin' filthy bastard. 2D is a faggot, c'mon yew know yew wanna say it. Yew fuckin' disgust me, yew don' give a fuck about me. Yew just care about yer fuckin' money and t'e band I mean nofink to yew and I never have. Yew ugly, old, green skinned son of a bitch. I don'…Don' ever fuckin' touch me again, don' do it I'm sick of t'is. All yew've done is 'urt me and I'm sick of it, yew got yer birds and yer stupid rum. Yew don't need me no more, I'm yer singer, and nofink else. Now get t'e hell away from me."

With that the blue haired man backed away. Murdoc stared at him for a moment, studying him. He waited for the rage to fade away, but it stayed in place. He quickly left the singer's room and made his way into the elevator back down to one of the lower floors. He went into the first room he came to slamming the door shut behind him, he began picking up objects and throwing them as he screamed obscenely. He wasn't even angry, he was just frustrated. He couldn't stop thinking about all of it; he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd walked in and saw, about the words 2D had said to him. He couldn't forget about it, he slammed his fist into a wall until it began to throb; he leaned his head against the wall and slid down to the floor.

His head was pounding now; he closed his eyes tightly as the room began to spin. There was too much going through his mind right now, he pulled his legs up against himself and groaned as he felt a few tears spill from his eyes. Fucking weak, he was fucking weak, only weak idiots cried. Idiots like 2D cried, Murdoc Niccals didn't fucking cry, but here he was in a dark room crying. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to make him hate himself.

He remembered back when he was a little kid, times his father would come home stinking drunk, and enraged. How he would come looking for Murdoc…

No, this wasn't time to think about that. He felt like he was there again, but he wasn't the one being hit anymore, he was the one doing the hitting. He was turning into that monster called his father and he didn't want it to happen, it used to be he put on an act to keep from being hurt physically…Now the mask was melding with his skin, becoming his personality, his only personality.

He banged his head back against the cold metal wall a few times causing the throbbing in his head to increase, but it made the thoughts fade away. He hated this, nothing about this was right. He wasn't gay, he wasn't in love, he hated the little bastard, but he never meant to say that shit…He never meant a lot of shit, but yet it all happened…He still couldn't stop thinking about what he had seen though, fucking bastard.


	7. Chapter 7

Kong had been relatively quiet since the fight; 2D mostly spent his time alone in his room. Murdoc started spending a lot of his time in the recording studio, but this time he was actually doing things. He'd been recording things on his bass that had been rolling around in his mind, things he used to avoid the situation. Sometimes Russel would try and confront him and get him to say what he had done, Noodle generally just shot him angered looks. After awhile the others began coming into the studio to help work on the record that the bassist had been planning out. When Noodle began coming in she had carried in a blue notebook filled with lyrics, they were actually quite incredible. Murdoc would generally try to write songs, but they either seemed too angry or just…Not like him.

These were rather deep; he kind of wanted to ask her if everything was alright when he looked through some of them. He knew she was still thinking about her pas though, about the child army. He knew better than to really question her about it. The only thing really missing were the vocals, there was still a lot of work to do, but he knew if 2D would come around all of them at least once then maybe the other two would get off his back.

"Man what did you do to him, did you murder him?" Russel asked suspiciously as he glared down at the older man from his drum set.

The Satanist gritted his teeth to keep from screaming.

"No I didn't bloody kill him yew fuckin' idiot."

"What did you do then Murdoc-san, he has barely spoken to any of us." Noodle asked sounding less accusing, but more so disappointed.

He was beginning to hate her speaking English now.

"Nothin' he's jus' being a whiny little brat like he always does. He'll snap outta it, fuckin' little dullard." He muttered to himself as he continued going through the demon tracks and deleting the things that he wasn't happy with.

"Did you beat him up, I told you to lay off of that shit."

"Yeah maybe I did 'it 'im a few times, but so what. I do it all t'e fuckin' time, not my fault the dullard can't take it."

Russel sighed heavily.

"Whatever man, I'm getting tired, and hungry."

"Shocking, yer hungry." Murdoc mumbled as he began smirking.

"Anyways I'm going to go eat then go catch some sleep. I'll see you guys later and hopefully hear from D eventually, if he's dead I'm skinnin' you." Russel warned before leaving the room.

Murdoc turned around in his chair.

"I didn't fuckin' kill 'im." He screamed angrily at the now closed door.

Noodle stood staring at him; he tried to read her expression, but her purple fringed hair hid most of her face from view.

"What was the fight about?"

"It's not yer problem girlie." He said as he turned his back on her.

"2D-san is like a brother to me and you are….Well you're, you….I want to know what has made him upset, I am really worried about him."

Murdoc bit at his bottom lip; he could scream at anybody, but he really hated screaming at the young girl. He wasn't sure why, but that felt like crossing the line on being a dick. He knew she had the ability to kill, she had been trained that way before Gorillaz, but still she was only a child. She was rather delicate even if she did have a very tough and quite horrifying side to her he'd seen on a few occasions.

"Yew don' need to worry 'bout it luv."

He wished she would just drop the topic.

"I am going to go and speak with him; I know you would not murder him. You do care about him, but I know you most likely beat him up very badly. I will see you tomorrow Murdoc-san."

He cringed at her words, care, he didn't fucking care.

He felt relieved when the door went shut behind her, alone. He was finally alone in his studio with his recordings. It was going to be quite a while until they were even partially done with this record, but he didn't mind. The longer it took he knew was the better, he spent a little less time drinking, and a lot less time thinking about the blue haired idiot. The one he hadn't seen for days now, he wasn't really looking forward to seeing him again.


	8. Chapter 8

I promise that this story isn't going to stay angry and extremely depressing for too much longer.

When Murdoc heard the door to the recording studio open and slam shut he had expected it to be Noodle to help him work on some of the problems they were having with a few of the songs.

"Noo-"

He stopped himself when he looked over to see 2D standing in the room with his head bowed, blue hair falling over his face curtaining him from view. He never once looked at the older man; he just made his way into the booth with the lyric sheets tightly gripped in his hand. He felt like he hadn't seen the singer in years when in reality it'd only been a little over a week.

"Faceache w'ere t'e fuck have yew been all t'is time?" Murdoc asked angrily as he glared at the younger man.

2D just barely lifted his head and stared at him, he didn't look angry just….Depressed if that was even a good way to describe it. The look actually scared him a bit; he looked like he had been crying as well. Murdoc somewhat expected him to have a break down right there, but he didn't. Hell he didn't even respond; he just stared at the bassist for a minute before lowering his head again.

"I see 2D-san is in here, Russel will be happy to hear you have not seriously injured him."

Murdoc turned and glared at the teenager, she only nodded, and smiled at him.

"Fuckin' 'ell why do you bastards keep t'inkin' I killed the little idiot?" He asked feeling annoyed.

They needed some vocal recordings, but he really couldn't handle looking at the mentally gone vocalist and knowing it was his fault he looked so out of it right now. He wasn't really in the mood for his band mates thinking he'd murdered him, to think about it murdering 2D probably would have been kinder than the things that really had happened.

Murdoc turned his attention back to the panel in front of him trying his best to shove the thoughts to the back of his mind. He didn't need this, he needed to continue working on his record, and his feelings could go to hell for all he cared. Sometimes he considered just crawling into that little Hell pit and living there, at least he'd only have to endure physical torture down there.

The music started and the blue haired man began singing. Murdoc tried not to look at him, but he couldn't help it. He could never help staring at him, he hated himself for it, but it was really just habit by now. He focused on the blue haired man, his skin seemed paler than usual, he seemed thinner as well, and his black eyes didn't really have a shine to them. They just seemed like nothing was there at all, his voice sounded melancholy and lost. It worked beautifully for what they were recording, but personally it made the Satanist feel uncomfortable. It didn't help the singer was staring right at him the whole time he went over the lines, his eyes looked almost dead. He just had to spend a little under twenty minutes on the vocal tracking and then the singer could go back to his room.

How had it turned into this, he never should have started anything with the other man. He should have just kept him at a distance like every other bastard in his life; he didn't need friends, or lovers. He didn't need to spend time worrying about if some idiot was okay. He didn't need to sit in dark rooms drinking and wondering if he was in too deep to change things. He wanted it to be one way or the other, normal, or just cold hearted….Normal scared him though, a relationship fucking scared him. He was abusive because that's how he had been raised and it was all that he knew. 2D knew those things, maybe, if he did then he rarely brought it up.

He could never forget all of the nights he'd spent talking to the unconscious boy about life. Now the zombie boy was well alive…Well not lately, his body was there, but his mind seemed so fucking far gone.

What was he even thinking about, 2D was always gone mentally.

"Alright dullard t'at's all for t'e day now get t'e fuck outta here."

He saw a glint of anger in those black eyes as the taller man quickly made his way out of the room.

"Do you really have to speak to him in such a way?" Noodle asked with annoyance.

Murdoc looked at the purple haired girl who stood with her arms folded over her chest. He really hated how defensive she could be over the singer and how intelligent she was. Sometimes he feared she would just casually figure out what was going on between them and then other times he thought about just telling her everything in hopes she could solve his problems.

"Yeah I do, he's my fuckin' singer, yer my fuckin' guitarist now do wot I 'ired yew to do."

She stood for a moment longer glaring down at the older man before grabbing her guitar and stepping into the booth.


	9. Chapter 9

"You do remember we are working on a new song today don't you?" Noodle asked as she looked down at the bassist.

Murdoc was currently sitting on the kitchen floor with his back pressed against the wall and a nearly empty bottle of rum held loosely in his hand. He had spent far too much time the previous night thinking and feeling so he thought he would dedicate the morning and most of the day to drinking. He knew they had to do more vocals today, Russel said he would be there just to make sure 2D really was okay physically. They all knew that the singer wasn't okay mentally. There were always moments when 2D seemed rather gone or obviously depressed, but generally the moment somebody brought it to light the singer would smile dumbly and go back to his normal self. It usually made everybody feel better, but Murdoc still knew he was depressed, he could tell by his eyes. This time though the vocalist wasn't even faking happiness.

"Yeah, yeah I know luv….So ya speak to faceache yet?" He asked as he tried standing up.

"Yes I spoke to him last night and went over some of the songs with him. He seems very sad and said it has something to do with you, but he would not tell me what."

Murdoc held tightly to the counter as he pulled himself unsteadily to his feet. He looked down at the guitarist almost feeling jealous that 2D had been talking to her instead of him. He would notice her going to the blue haired man's room sometimes; of course there was nothing sexual going on. He knew it was just talking, but it still annoyed him that 2D was no longer telling him things….Why would he tell him anything, he'd told him a lot the last time they had spoken…He really couldn't blame the younger man for not wanting to share things with him anymore or look for comfort in him.

"Yeah, whatever, he'll get t'e fuck over it…C'mon we got songs to work on." He mumbled as he slowly made his way to the recording room where the other part of the band was waiting.

2D was already in the booth with his head bowed. Russel kept staring at Murdoc like he was judging him. The singer wasn't really that badly bruised anymore, most of them had faded. Then again by this point all of them had to know that the Satanist was the cause of whatever turmoil their vocalist was currently in. He really wished the dullard would just keep his mouth shut.

The bassist turned on the instrumental of the song Noodle wanted them to work on that day. He thought it would be one they had been working on, but the melody was completely lost on him. He'd never heard it before, what was there was nothing he'd looked over, and never approved of. He looked back over his shoulder glaring at the young girl who stared back at him.

"Wot t'e fuck is t'is, I never approved t'is."

"It is a song 2D-san wrote and I did the guitar parts…We worked on it some while you were off binge drinking." She said bitterly.

He really wished she never learned English.

He turned his attention back to the booth where 2D stood now looking up staring right at the older man.

"Summer don't know me no more, eager man that's all. Summer don't know me, he just let me love in my sea. Cause I do know, Lord, from you that, just died, yeah….I saw that day, lost my mind. Lord I'll find, maybe in time. You'll want to be mine….Don't stop the buck when it comes. It's the dawn you'll see….Money wont' get there. Ten years passed tonight you'll flee. If you do that, I'll be some…To find you"

The song sounded dark and depressing, 2D's voice only added to the tone. Murdoc could feel that tightening in his chest as the younger man continued never breaking his intense and nearly dead stare. He felt his throat tightening and finally had to avert his eyes from the blue haired man, he couldn't look at him anymore. The lyrics were raw and near the point of being blunt, he wondered if he could storm out of the room without anybody finding it strange.

Murdoc took another long drink from his bottle trying to drown it all away. He could feel the hot pricking of tears at the back of his eyes and swore he'd kill somebody if he started crying here. He already knew he hated this song, but he also knew it'd end up on their record. It was one of those things that would haunt him until his dying day and 2D knew that…He wanted him to feel that pain. He couldn't stop listening to him singing, his voice was so….

When the song finally ended he felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.

2D walked out of the booth and stood in the middle of the room.

"So we done 'ere or any other unknown tracks yew two wanna record?" Murdoc asked angrily, but his voice broke as he tried to get through his words.

2D just barely looked over at him smiling sadly.

"No t'at's all."

With that he left most likely to return to his bedroom. The bassist waited a couple of minutes before getting up and leaving as well. He went down to one of the lowest levels of Kong where he knew nobody would find him crying.


	10. Chapter 10

Murdoc sat in the studio with his bass on his lap playing over one of the songs. They had just finished up on El Manana, the track he was already beginning to hate. This time he was playing a song he liked, he was sick of working on the feminine and emotional songs. It wasn't that they were bad, they were quite incredible. He just knew what some of them were really about and he wondered how he'd ever be able to play them on stage without having a complete psychotic break down. He felt angry when he thought about it, he wanted to take his anger out on 2D, but he hadn't done that for awhile now. Lately his rage had been taken out on random objects, usually things that he owned. The other day he had gotten pissed off and it resulted in burning over half of his clothes. He knew that his other band mates were noticing, Noodle was really noticing, and it drove him crazy.

He was grateful that the guitarist and drummer were out of the house for most of the day. He didn't know if he could take Russel asking him why he was such a prick or Noodle trying to understand the way that he was. He wondered how much 2D told her when they would talk, he noticed the young girl going in and talking to the singer a lot lately. He hated it, he felt replaced, and it pissed him off. He'd spent so many days feeling depressed and hating himself for everything that he was tiring of it. He knew rationally he should just change, be a good person, but that thought sickened him. He was tired of being depressed, he would always hate himself to some degree nothing would ever change that. He knew hating 2D was stupid, but he couldn't help himself. He could make all of it the singer's fault; he wouldn't hit him if he wasn't so stupid. They wouldn't have had that last fight if the younger man had just kept to his promise of never fucking another man.

Murdoc put his bass away and left the studio. He was bored with breaking things that he owned and drinking until he just blacked out. He wanted to hate somebody besides himself and 2D was always the person for that job.

He made his way to the singer's room feeling the rage building up inside of him quite quickly. He opened the door and stepped into the darkened bedroom slamming and locking the door shut behind him. He saw the blue haired man sitting on the bed with his legs pulled up against himself and his head bowed. From where the bassist stood he could hear him sobbing, he could even see him shaking slightly. 2D just barely raised his head and looked over at the older man, he looked so different.

"Yew gonna 'it me? Well go 'head an' do it, I don' even care. Jus' 'it me an' get outta 'ere."

His voice came out broken, he tried to sound angry, but it didn't really work. He just ended up sounding completely lost and slightly scared

Murdoc wanted to stay pissed off, he wanted to just throw the singer to the ground and beat him until he was on the brink of death. He couldn't though; the rage was replaced with a feeling of exhaustion. He stood staring at the other man for awhile trying to read his expression like he had been trying to do for weeks now. He sighed heavily and slowly walked over to the bed, 2D bowed his head again as he waited to be attacked. The Satanist placed his hand on the back of his head lightly combing his fingers through spiked blue hair, hair he used to tug at, and play with. The memories made him shudder, the younger boy jerked away from him.

"Don' do t'at."

The bassist sat down on the bed next to him wrapping an arm around his thin frame pulling the sobbing boy close to his chest. 2D's body tensed as he pressed his hands against the older man's chest trying to shove him away. Murdoc held him tightly; he didn't know what he was doing anymore. He did know that if the singer really wanted to he could shove him off of the bed, but he hadn't. He felt fingers digging against his shirt as the younger man went between pushing him and pulling him closer. He could feel the taller man's hot breath against him, he missed this, why was he doing this?

"Jus' jus' leave me alone; I don' wan' yew here. I'm cryin' cause of yew y'know, it's yer fault t'at I'm like t'is…It's all yer fault, I don' like feelin' t'is way cause of yew." 2D mumbled as he pulled back and glared at the older man.

He seemed less pissed with Murdoc and more so with himself. Everything about him just seemed so lost; he really had fucked this kid up.

The bassist lightly ran his finger tips along his cheek studying the crying man. He flinched at the older man's touch; he really wished he would stop flinching away from him like this. It was all his fault though; he kept making him this way.

"I'm sorry pet, I really am, I never meant to make yew t'is way." He whispered sadly.

He leaned in kissing him softly; he placed a hand on the back of the younger man's neck holding him in place as he kissed him slowly. 2D tensed and began groaning as he began pushing his hands against Murdoc's chest trying to get away. The Satanist released him and watched as the blue haired man crawled back until his back was against the wall; he stared at Murdoc with that same confusion and fear.

"Don' do t'at, don-don' force m-me to do stuff. I don'…I don' wanna do t'at wit yew…I should never have done t'at wit yew." He said as he began shaking his head.

The black haired man reached out placing a hand on the singer's knee. He waited to be shoved away, but instead the other man just stared at his hand like he was fascinated by it.

"I woul' never force anythin' on yew, never." He said sternly as he pulled himself closer to the vocalist.

2D looked up at him and smiled weakly.

The blue haired man moved so that he was curled up against the bassist, his head resting on his chest, and arms wrapped loosely around his waist. Murdoc held him tightly and closed his eyes as he focused on the feel of the singer's warm body pressed against him. It was odd how just a few minutes ago he had stormed into this room with the intention to beat him half to death, now here he was holding him like he was scared of losing him again. It wasn't like he really had him though; he refused to ever really have him.

"I don' 'ate yew, I wan' to t'ough" 2D mumbled sadly

Murdoc ran his fingers through the other man's hair comforting him.

"I wish yew 'ated me, I really ain't worth yew carin' about."

It was true; he only caused him total hell. He noticed 2D got depressed quite a bit, but it came more often when Murdoc did something to him. He knew the boy never meant it when he said that he hated him. He caused himself so much pain by liking the older man; by thinking he was worth the time when in reality it was a complete waste.

"I can't t'ough, I jus' keep on missin' yew and t'inkin' about yew….I t'ought I could stop, but I only felt worse. I'd start thinkin' 'bout yew and wonderin' why yew 'ate me so much and t'en I'd start cryin'. I really want to hate yew, but I can't….I hate myself more, I really do, an' when I do t'ings to 'urt yew I feel like shit….I don' know why, I'm jus' t'at stupid."

Murdoc pulled the younger man back and looked at him. His black eyes were shining with tears; they actually had a hint of crimson in them right now. He kissed the vocalist on the forehead, he waited to be shoved away or cursed again, but nothing came.

"I don't 'ate yew luv, I don' really t'ink t'at I could. Don't feel bad about making me upset….Look I'll just leave, go back to my room, and leave you alone; I probably shouldn't 'ave come in 'ere in t'e first place. I know yew don' wanna see me, can't blame ya."

The bassist got up from the bed turning to leave, but was stopped when a hand wrapped tightly around his wrist. He looked down at the singer who sat staring up at him with those black eyes that hid an internal battle. He really did have this boy completely fucked up, he wondered if it was anything that could ever be fixed…He really doubted that.

"I-I wan' yew to stay 'ere wit' me…I'm sick of bein' alone and cryin' all t'e time, I really do miss yew Mu'doc…Please can yew stay 'ere wit' me?"

Murdoc nodded slowly and crawled onto the bed. 2D laid down on his side facing the older man, he laid his head on his chest and wrapped an arm loosely around him. The Satanist held him closely; he closed his eyes and focused on the sound of the singer's breathing. He knew he shouldn't be there, he should have just left, but he couldn't. He had missed this far too much to just leave, that scared the hell out of him. He should miss the sex, not lying in bed with the younger man just sleeping. He didn't like the emotional attachments; he didn't like that slightly peaceful feeling he felt right now.

He glanced down at the man curled up at his side, he was asleep. He looked so exhausted and frail, Murdoc wondered where in Hell they would go from here.


	11. Chapter 11

Murdoc woke up to the feeling of a warm body pressed against him. He opened his eyes and looked down at the sleeping man whose face was buried against his chest and fingers curling against his side. He remembered the night before and sighed, he knew that Noodle and Russel had to be awake by now. He didn't really need them seeing him coming out of 2D's room. He slowly pulled out of the singer's loose grip; he got off of the bed, and quickly made his way to the door. He looked back at the sleeping man who was now on his back, still sleeping.

The bassist slipped out of the room and made his way into the rec room where Noodle sat with Russel watching TV. Neither of his band mates acknowledged his presence; they just continued to stare at the screen. Murdoc made his way back down the hallway and out the glass doors that lead to the balcony over looking their land fill. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, pulling the last one from the pack, and lighting it up. He took a long drag then released the smoke back into the darkened air that constantly surrounded Kong studios. He could just faintly hear the cries of the dead, he could see them stumbling around down below. Sometimes he did feel sorry for them, they were stuck in nowhere. He had seen what Hell was and what it did to a human soul, but he had to say that the walking dead endured something far worse than that.

He watched as one of the zombies stumbled over something and fell to the ground. The body just laid completely motionless with no clue as to how to stand back up. He thought about getting a rifle and trying to pick some of them off. It had been under control for awhile, but lately they had been getting bad again.

The cold wind sent shivers down his spine, he liked it though. He liked how his fingers were beginning to go numb, the hand holding his cigarette shook slightly. He needed to be out here for awhile, he wondered if 2D would be pissed he just left. He had to understand though; Murdoc didn't even know what the hell was going on now. He didn't want to go back, back to beating the shit out of him just because he was frustrated. He knew he should just date him, tell him he wanted to have a real relationship with him, but it would never be real. They could date, but they could never tell their band mates, families, or anybody else. They would just do what they always used to do; make out in bathroom stalls before shows, sneak into each other's rooms late at night for a quick shag, and sneak off before anybody would notice something odd.

That wasn't what he wanted and he still feared being like his father. It was bad enough he beat the singer every chance that he got and it didn't help that he was emotionally abusing him now. He hated all of it. He looked over the railing and thought for a moment how bad it'd hurt if the fall didn't break his neck. Honestly Murdoc had considered death a lot, not generally his own, but the whole prospect in general. He thought about the idea of 2D dying and it scared him, he could feel his breath catch in his throat at the thought. It was a horrible thought and seemed impossible to him, he never wanted to see that happen.

He wished he could commit some kind of emotion to the singer. It killed him when he looked at him now, he looked so frail, and broken lately. Murdoc still couldn't let go of knowing that 2D had been with other men, he wasn't even angry about it anymore. He didn't exactly have the right to be angry about it, but he couldn't help it.

He really didn't know how to make things easier, sometimes he thought just leaving would make things easier. He had a deal with Satan though and he wasn't about to leave everything just because of strange feelings towards one stupid boy.

He heard the glass door squeak open then slam shut behind him. He tensed at the sound of foot steps on the cold metal floor behind him. He looked over to see 2D next to him looking over the railing down at the land below them. Murdoc watched as the singer pulled out his own cigarette, lighting it, and taking a long drag from it. He focused on the younger man's face and watched as he exhaled the light gray smoke into the filthy air around them. The blue haired man opened his eyes and glanced over at him, his eyes looked empty again.

"Why'd yew leave t'is morning?" 2D asked sounding slightly hurt.

"Y'know jus' didn't want anybody seein' me comin' out of yer bedroom. T'at's all, nobody noticed anyways." Murdoc said shrugging.

The younger man nodded and looked away.

Wot did yew do w'en we all left Kong?" the singer asked breaking the silence that had started to grow between them.

Murdoc looked at him for awhile wondering if he should lie or just be honest. Lying was such an easy thing; it had gotten him through most of his life. He was so tired of lying to the younger man though, he was tired in general.

"Got drunk a lot, shagged some birds I met, an' t'en got arrested for a bit in Mexico."

2D continued staring at him, it made him nervous. He felt like the blue haired man knew that he wasn't being completely truthful. He couldn't imagine saying that he'd spent the longest time going into 2D's room and just crying while he wondered over why he was such a fucking bastard. Nothing about that sounded like him, it sounded too raw, and human. He knew it'd make the singer hate him less, but he didn't really want that…He didn't deserve the younger man to like him.

"Why do yew hate me so much?" 2D asked his voice breaking half way through the question.

The Satanist stared at him, he noticed a few tears fall from the younger man's black eyes.

"I don't 'ate yew 'D, I hate myself more t'an anythin'."

"Yew always do t'ings to 'urt me t'ough an' insult me…I t'ought yew didn't mean a lot of t'em, but w'en yew saw me wit' t'at guy….I jus' started finkin' t'at yew 'ate me or else yew wouln' treat me t'at way." He said as he looked out over the landfill.

Murdoc placed his hand over 2D's squeezing lightly. The singer just barely looked over at him.

"I didn' mean t'ose t'ings, I was jus' pissed off. When I saw you wit' t'at fuckin' asshole I jus' snapped, cause I always figured yew belong to me."

He sounded self centered and greedy, he was though. He treated people almost worse than the things that he owned, he really treated this one worse than anything he ever owned.

"Yew don' own me t'ough, I'm jus' t'ere for when yer bored or angry." 2D said bitterly as he pulled his hand away.

"I'm sorry 'bout t'e girls al'ight, t'at was fuckin' stupid of me. T'ere I admit t'at, it fuckin' killed me seein yew wit' him."

"Now yew know 'ow I fucking feel." The singer spat back as he glared down at the older man.

He knew he should be angry; normally he would have punched him by now. He didn't have it in him though; he was tired of all of this.

"I know an' I fuckin' deserve it….I jus' really miss yew 2D, I can' stop fucking t'inkin' 'bout yew. I've felt like shit ever since wot happened, it shouldn't 'ave happened in t'e first place." Murdoc said as he looked away from the younger man's eyes.

He sighed heavily before taking one more drag from his cigarette then throwing it over the railing.

"Yer a prick y'know an' I don't know why I like yew, but I do. I wish I didn' t'ough, I'm real tired of cryin' all t'e time."

2D backed away from the railing and stood with his head bowed and hair in his face. The sky above them darkened, thunder could be heard booming in the distance, and with that it began raining. Murdoc looked up at the sky, it always rained at Kong. He looked back at the taller man who seemed to not even notice the change in weather. He walked over to him placing a hand on the side of his face causing him to look up at him through those sad black eyes.

"I'm tired of cryin' too luv." He whispered before pressing his lips against the other man's in a soft kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Murdoc sat with 2D in the recording studio; it was only the two of them. Anytime Russel and Noodle found out 2D and Murdoc had to be in the studio at the same time they would tend to avoid the room all together those days. They weren't really working today though; they just wanted a place to be by themselves where they knew the others wouldn't come and bother them.

The Satanist sat in a large black leather chair with his bass on his lap playing it. It definitely was worth the deal he made with Satan to have such a beautiful thing in his possession.

He looked up to see 2D seated on a wooden stool with an acoustic guitar on his lap. The boy looked down at the guitar in concentration as he tried playing Feel Good Inc. Sometimes he would hit the wrong chord and cuss under his breath, but for the most part he was doing quite well. The older man watched him in fascination; he was always so in tune with the music.

It had been two days since they had kissed; things had been slightly confusing between the two of them since that day. It wasn't in the bad way that it had been before, but it was still confusing. The singer would still look at him like he was hurt and confused almost like he was still trying to decide if this was really the right thing to do. Murdoc had been doing a good job at not losing his temper with the younger man, he didn't know what he wanted from him, but losing him again scared the hell out of him.

"Where'd yew learn to play guitar at?" Murdoc asked breaking the near silence of the room.

2D hit a few wrong chords and looked up at the older man like he hadn't even noticed he was in the room with him.

"Noodle's been teachin' me 'ow to play for aw'ile now, I'm not too good t'ough, but I'm kinda getting' bette' at it." He said blushing slightly.

"Yer doin' great luv" Murdoc said smiling at the singer.

2D smiled shyly and looked towards the door then back down at the floor.

"I fink Noodle might know t'ere's somefink goin' on between us."

It was a possibility; she was a very bright young girl. It wasn't like they had hid their tensions over the past few months; the lyrics 2D had written told there was something going on in a romantic way. He hoped that nobody knew though, he doubted the girl really knew anything.

"Eh she might, but I t'ink she woulda said somethin' about it y'know….When we were fightin' an' everythin'."

"Yeah probably, I talked to 'er a lot when yew were….I told 'er stuff, but never anyfink about yew t'at would make 'er fink anyfink….Do yew fink we coul' tell t'e others about us?" 2D asked curiously

The older man looked at him for a moment before looking away again allowing his black hair to block his eyes from view.

"What is t'ere to tell?"

He could sense that he hurt the younger man. He did that a lot though; he knew it was rude to treat whatever they had like it was normal. It wasn't normal; it was unhealthy especially for the singer. Murdoc had lived a life of either being the victim or being the attacker and ever since they met he had dubbed 2D in the victim role. He captured him never giving him an option in it, but the blue haired man always went right along with it. If Murdoc wanted to beat him then he'd let him; it might result in weeks or months of no talking and a lot of pain, but next thing they would be kissing. Next thing he knew the blue haired man was following him around like a loyal pet and waiting for him to commit to him. He never demanded it though, never threatened to break off whatever it was they had because the older man wouldn't actually call it a relationship.

There was nothing romantic to it, it was toxic.

He thought back to his father and how he had treated Murdoc's step mother. Hell how he had treated all women and how he had treated the bassist. He had been a cruel bastard who showed his emotions through knocking you to the ground or putting a knife to your throat.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he flinched away from the touch like a frightened child. He looked up to see 2D standing in front of him looking down at him with worry.

"Are yew alright?" The singer asked even though the answer was clear.

Murdoc shook his head slowly and ran his fingers back through his greasy black hair. He sat the bass down on the floor next to his chair and leaned back closing his eyes. He was never alright when he started to think like that. When he thought about his father he got lost in his memories, his nightmares, and then he thought about the pain he could potentially cause his own lover if he ever had one. He wouldn't call 2D a lover; if he did then he would have to call what he did to him abuse. He never wanted to abuse somebody he was dating; he never wanted to do to the younger man what his father did to many women who were too innocent and loving to really walk away.

"I was t'inkin' 'bout my father." He muttered under his breath.

He felt a weight on his lap and his body tensed. It wasn't like he didn't want the singer to touch him, just not right now. It had been far too long since they'd actually touched each other or been comfortable around one another.

He felt a hand on his cheek and reached up placing his own over it. He opened his eyes and looked at the younger man.

"Wot for, yew 'aven't 'eard from 'im for a real long time now…'ave yew?"

Murdoc smiled sadly and shook his head.

"No I haven't….Never mind, forget I said anythin' 'bout t'e rotted ol' fuck." He said bitterly.

He wouldn't talk about it with him; he wanted to keep that mask on. He was willing to keep 2D as distant as he could emotionally. He would never love him, he would never date him, and he would never treat him like his father treated so many kind hearted women.


	13. Chapter 13

Murdoc sat on the singer's bed with a nearly empty bottle of rum in his hand. He looked around the room wondering how it was almost worse looking than the inside of his Winnebago.

"Why is yer skin kinda green again?"

The bassist looked over at 2D who sat in front of him with his back pressed against the wall.

"Rum probably, probably dyin' or somethin'." He replied shrugging.

He knew if he ever went to a hospital they would probably go into shock as they wondered how the Satanist was even still alive. He hadn't seen a doctor for a long time; he only went if bones were poking through skin, or something else that seemed rather urgent. He found them to be extremely pointless, but generally he would drag 2D to one any time he felt it was necessary.

"I don' want yew to die t'ough, I migh' not really like yew sometimes, but I don' want to lose yew like t'at." The singer said sadly as he continued looking at the older man.

Murdoc smiled and shook his head; he sat the bottle down on the night stand next to him. He reached over caressing the younger man's cheek; 2D leaned into the touch closing his eyes.

"I ain't gonna die mate, nothin' to worry 'bout."

He still couldn't figure out why he worried about him so much. It wasn't like Murdoc had done anything to make himself worth that.

"Good, I'd be real sad if t'at ever 'appened to yew." 2D said as he moved onto the bassist lap.

The Satanist looked up at the younger man seated on his lap. He reached up running fingers back through his spiked blue hair; he placed his hand on the back of 2D's neck pulling him down closer.

"Don' worry luv I'll be 'ere for awhile." He whispered before kissing the younger man.

The singer kissed back eagerly, Murdoc groaned when he felt hands sliding up the front of his shirt. The kiss deepened as the bassist prodded his tongue against the younger's lips asking for entrance. 2D parted his lips willingly moaning as the older man's tongue brushed over his.

The Satanist ran his hands up under the back of the taller man's shirt raking long claws down pale flesh causing the younger man to arch his back. Murdoc broke from the kiss and quickly removed 2D's shirt tossing it to the floor. He pushed the younger man back on the bed, Murdoc sat on his knees quickly removing his own shirt. The younger man looked at him his black eyes wandering over the older man's body.

The black haired man grabbed hold of 2D's hair jerking his head back causing the singer to moan loudly. Murdoc ran the tip of his tongue down the front of the other man's neck; he bit the singer's shoulder losing himself to every moan and whimper he received.

He looked up locking his mismatched eyes on the younger man's face as he continued kissing and biting along his body. He raked his claws down the singer's side as he nipped at the skin on his chest and his stomach. 2D tangled his fingers in the older man's hair pulling lightly, he loved how lost the younger man would get during times like this.

Murdoc ran his tongue down along his stomach stopping at the hem of the singer's jeans. Black eyes were locked on him, begging. He smirked up at the other man as he ran sharp nails roughly down his sides making the singer moan. He bit down near the younger man's hip making his body jerk in response, 2D's head was pressed back against the bed, mouth open, and random obscenities falling from his mouth as the Satanist teeth nipped against his sensitive flesh. He moaned at the feeling of nails digging into the back of his head. He continued biting and licking at the younger man's hip enjoying every moan and whimper he made.

"Pwease, I, c'mon Mu'doc" 2D whimpered sounding frustrated.

The Satanist pulled back and looked down at the singer. 2D sat up and wrapped his arms around Murdoc's neck; he leaned in kissing the older man roughly. He couldn't help, but moan into the singer's mouth.

2D pushed him back on the bed crawling on top of him, straddling his lower stomach. Murdoc placed his hands on the younger man's hips rubbing his thumbs in small circles against the bruised flesh. The singer placed his hands on the older man's chest as he leaned down kissing him again.

Murdoc placed a hand on his back trying to push the younger man down closer to him; he needed to feel every inch of him.

Usually he hated being dominated in any sense, but he really didn't care with 2D. He actually liked seeing him with some type of authority, he rarely had any. There were far too many things he'd let the singer do or say that anybody else would never get away with, it amazed him nobody else seemed to notice these things.

2D broke away from the kiss and began kissing down the older man's neck. Murdoc tangled his fingers in blue hair digging his nails into the vocalist scalp. The singer moaned against his neck before trying his best at biting at the skin there. It always kind of felt weird when 2D tried to bite his neck, sometimes he wished he hadn't knocked his front teeth out. He still would feel guilty about it sometimes, but the sucking sensation and feeling of the younger man's tongue against his flesh made him shiver. He really enjoyed the sensation; he stroked his fingers through his spiked hair encouraging him to keep going with what he was doing. Murdoc closed his eyes and moaned as fingers brushed over his nipples then down over his sides.

2D ground his hips down against the older man's eliciting a low growl from his partner. He dipped his head down sucking at the skin above his collar bone whimpering as nails dug into his back. The Satanist gripped tightly to the singer's hips bucking up against him causing the taller man to let out a strangled moan at the sensation of friction between them. Murdoc reached up with one hand giving a sharp tug to the younger man's hair, he leaned in latching his mouth onto his neck sucking and biting harshly.

He moved so that he was now on top of the vocalist, black eyes looked at him lustfully. Murdoc gave another hard bite to the other man's neck before unfastening his jeans and pushing them down to his knees. He wrapped his fingers around the younger man's erection stroking him slowly, occasionally running the pad of his thumb over the tip causing the younger man to arch his back and moan loudly. Murdoc moved down the singer's body and pushed the tip of his tongue into the slit at the head of the younger man's dick. 2D's eyes widened and he tossed his head back against the bed; he tangled his fingers in Murdoc's hair gripping tightly as he began cussing under his breath. Murdoc smirked up at him and repeated the motion enjoying the curses that fell from his partner's mouth.

He dug his claws into the pianist hip as he took the head of his dick into his mouth sucking lightly while he continued stroking slowly with his other hand. Murdoc kept his eyes focused on the singer's body, watching the rise and fall of his stomach, the way his flat stomach caved in with each shallow breath, the way his pale skin shined with sweat. He began humming around him causing 2D to let out another long moan of approval as his fingers knotted even tighter in the older man's black mess of hair.

Murdoc took more of the other man into his mouth sucking harder; 2D arched his back and began repeating the older man's name under his breath. It wasn't long until the singer was coming inside of his mouth; he swallowed what he could pushing past the bitter taste. He swiped his tongue over the tip before pulling back completely.

He kissed 2D slowly; he slipped his tongue into his mouth letting him taste himself. The fingers in his hair weren't as rough, Murdoc moaned when he felt a hand cupping his erection through the material of his jeans. He broke away staring down at the younger man, 2D smiled up at him deviously before placing a hand against the older man's chest pushing him back on the bed.

The singer settled between his legs making quick work of unfastening his jeans and pulling them down to his knees. Murdoc let out a long groan as the younger man's lips wrapped around his erection taking him in slowly. Black eyes looked up at him for a moment before a light blush came over the blue haired man's face and he looked away. The Satanist couldn't help, but chuckle at the reaction; he really did love how shy he got with sex.

He tangled his fingers in 2D's hair urging him to go faster. The other man obeyed the silent command as he began bobbing his head up and down his partner's dick at a quicker pace. Murdoc moaned when he felt the other man's tongue pressing against the under side of his length. He leaned his head back against the bed closing his eyes; he tried his best to not just thrust his hips up not wanting to gag the younger man.

"Fuck Stu" He muttered out as the pianist began humming around him sending vibrations through out his body.

Murdoc wanted to hold off as long as he could, but at this rate he wasn't completely sure how much longer he could.

He felt fingers rubbing and squeezing at his inner thigh and moaned loudly at the little shocks he felt with each push against the sensitive area.

He looked down at the singer who was now staring right back at him; he bit his lip hard to keep from crying out as the other man's tongue rubbed against the tip of his dick. 2D continued pressing against the older man's inner thigh digging his nails into the flesh, Murdoc could feel that tightening in his stomach and a few seconds later he was coming into the singer's mouth.

His moans went from loud to low near growls as he rode out his orgasm, he looked back down to see 2D now sitting back on his knees smiling lazily. His hand was still on the bassist thigh.

"I do al'ight?"

"Yeah pet yew did fuckin' perfect, yew always do." He replied his voice coming out husky.

2D lightly ran his fingers over the older man's thigh causing him to shiver.

"Sensitive t'ere?" The younger man asked teasingly.

Murdoc reached down pulling his jeans back up and fastening them, 2D pulled on his own pants and sat back down on the edge of the bed with his back pressed to the wall.

"Very, I missed t'at way too much y'know." The older man said smiling softly.

The younger man nodded in agreement.

2D put his hand into his jeans pocket and pulled something out, Murdoc watched him flick the object open revealing long and rather sharp looking blade. It sort of looked like one of the many the bassist owned, but he knew that it wasn't. The blue haired man sat twisting the flick knife around in his hand studying the way the metal shined in the dimly lit bedroom.

"Where'd yew get t'at from? Kinda looks like one of mine." Murdoc mused as he studied the knife.

The taller man looked over at him then averted his eyes like he was ashamed.

"Oh uh 'ell t'is guy I dated fer a bit gave it to me as a sorta gift. Met 'im at t'e fair grounds, only dated a couple of months t'ough." He said sounding embarrassed.

Murdoc felt the bit of jealousy and hurt, he had tried to forget the other man had seen other people. He'd seen quite a few people and from what he gathered most of them had been men, he knew it was all just to hurt him. He deserved to be hurt, but he still wished that he was the only man 2D had ever been with. He liked owning that part of him, something that nobody else would ever get to see, but now others had seen him in those ways. He felt stupid treating the kid like he was property, but that was how he ended up viewing things in his twisted old mind. It was a horrid habit he knew he would never break, but he could tell 2D liked it at times.

"I see….Ya dated a lo' t'ere t'en?" He asked slowly not really looking at the blue haired man.

"A few guys, maybe t'ree or so, an' a few women, nofink ever lasted long t'ough. Always kinda felt guilty bein' wit' t'em, t'ey were all real nice t'ough." 2D said his voice sounding distant.

The bassist let out a long breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He moved over to where the younger man sat and wrapped an arm around his shoulders holding him close to his side. 2D leaned his head on the older man's shoulder and placed a hand on his leg.

"I understand mate, I really did screw yew over royal. I'll admit to t'at, maybe we shouldn' really see othe' people since I jus' end up gettin' pissed an' yew jus' end up real sad." Murdoc said trying his best to not sound as awkward as he felt.

It wasn't like he was asking for a relationship; he didn't exactly deserve to date this man.

"Really, yew ac'ually mean t'at?" 2D asked sounding both confused and hopeful as he looked up at the older man.

Murdoc smiled sadly.

"Yeah I do, drove me crazy no' havin' yew around botherin' me all t'e time and stuff."

2D smiled as he nuzzled against the bassist neck, Murdoc ran his fingers through his hair.

"Fink yew coul' stay in 'ere wit' me tonight, probably look weird yew comin' out of my room and stuff right now since yew've been 'ere most t'e day."

"Alright I'll stay fer t'e night luv."

He leaned his head back against the wall closing his eyes. He didn't know what he was doing anymore; everything just went without him giving it a lot of thought. When he let himself think he usually got angry or extremely depressive and it always ended up hurting 2D. He wanted to have him all to himself, but he never wanted to really have him. He didn't trust himself to own him without breaking him.


	14. Chapter 14

Murdoc jolted up his eyes wide, heart racing, and body drenched in sweat. He could feel himself shaking slightly with every heavy breath that he took. Images from his nightmare kept flashing in his mind; he closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face trying to push them away. The images wouldn't go away though, he could still hear his father screaming at him, feel the hits against his body.

It had been awhile since he last had a nightmare, especially one about his childhood. He thought over the rest of his nightmare and shuddered, he could feel tears pricking at the backs of his eyes and cursed at himself as they began to fall. He hated crying, it seemed like he was doing it more lately. He really needed to stop, it was a sign of weakness, and he knew that. No matter how much he told himself that he couldn't stop, he just kept crying.

He felt a hand on his shoulder; he jerked away and pressed himself against the wall. He looked up through burning eyes to see 2D kneeling on the bed staring down at him worried.

"Wot's wrong?"

Murdoc rubbed frantically at his eyes trying to force the tears to stop. This was weak, why was he being weak. He didn't even want to look at the other man it just made him think over his nightmare, the way that he had hurt the singer.

A hand wrapped around his wrist trying to pull his hand away from his face.

"Faceache w'at t'e fuck are ya doin' in 'ere, 'ow did yew even get t'e fuck in here." He growled angrily at the singer.

He smacked his hand away and glared up at the younger man who looked slightly hurt at the sudden out burst.

"I-I well I picked t'e lock cause I 'eard yew screamin' an' stuff an' yew sounded 'urt. I was worried somefink 'appened to yew s-so I came in to check. I-I'll leave t'ough, I'm sorry Mu'doc." 2D rambled as he began to crawl off of the bed.

Murdoc sighed heavily and reached out grabbing the pianist wrist to keep him from leaving.

"Don' leave, please" He muttered his voice coming out weak and nearly helpless.

Helpless that's all that he was. He was beginning to get as weak as 2D, he didn't want to be that way; he was a Niccals he wasn't supposed to show emotions like this. He was supposed to be cold, not clinging to some idiot's wrist while he sat there crying afraid of being alone.

2D sat back down on the bed his eyes locked on the older man, Murdoc tried to look at him, but he only remembered his dream. He thought over the cries of pain the younger man had let out, begging him to stop beating him.

He flinched at the feeling of the taller man's hand on his cheek, a few tears scrolled down his cheeks at the touch. Why was he acting like this over a stupid nightmare, it was only a nightmare.

"Come 'ere" 2D whispered gently, he wrapped his arms around the bassist pulling him into his lap.

Murdoc buried his face against the younger man's chest; he dug his fingers into the material of his shirt trying to keep from crying anymore. He felt a hand on his back rubbing soothingly; he tried to relax into the touch.

"I'm so fuckin' weak I'm not supposed to cry, yew sure as 'ell ain't supposed to see me like t'is. It's fuckin' pathetic." He growled angrily at himself.

He felt stupid; it was a nightmare that's all that it was. If it had only stayed with his father abusing him; he'd had plenty of nightmares in his lifetime about his father abusing him. Those were memories that he would never be able to escape no matter where he ran to or how much alcohol he consumed, his father was one of the reasons he was so eager to move to America. He knew that drunken fuck would never go that far to track down his son.

The other part of the dream was what horrified him, what made him hate the man who was now holding him and trying to comfort him. He closed his eyes tightly and thought back to the dream, the small house, and the smell of alcohol everywhere, and the frightened blue haired man in the corner crying. He had been so full of rage and frustration in the nightmare, he'd been so fucking drunk, so self loathing, and he was taking it all out on somebody who only showed him love and affection.

"Yew aren't weak Muds, everybody cries. I do it all t'e time, c'mon luv it's okay."

Murdoc pulled back and looked up at the younger man.

"Wanna talk 'bout it?" 2D asked as he ran his fingers through the Satanist hair.

"No….Not really, not right now, later…We can talk about it later, just uh could yew stay wit' me for a while?"

He felt vulnerable; he hated the feeling of it. He felt so weak and hated that he had to rely on somebody else right now. 2D was supposed to be the weak one always crying and needing somebody to take care of him. Always needing Murdoc to hold him and tell him there was nothing wrong with him. The roles were reversed now and he couldn't help but hate himself more because of it.

"Okay, yew'll be al'ight t'ough. It was jus' a bad dream, t'at's all." 2D soothed as he continued stroking his fingers through the other's shaggy black hair.

"Why are yew so nice to me Stu?"

The younger man shrugged as he stared down at the man on his lap.

"Yew saved my life an' I jus' really care 'bout yew even t'e times when I don' want to."

Murdoc shook his head smirking, the tears had finally stopped. He'd spent so much time just sitting in dark rooms alone crying angrily. He'd never wanted somebody else to witness him crying, he felt it put him closer to the singer, and that was the last thing that he wanted.

"Yer dumb y'know t'at right mate?" He muttered before pressing his lips to the younger man's.

He tried to shove the memories of the dream into the furthest corners of his mind. He didn't want to think about them, they scared him, and told him he could never let this man love him.


	15. Chapter 15

The bassist sat with his legs dangling over the side of his bed and a cigarette in his hand. They had spent most of the day inside of the Winnebago, he wondered if the others were looking for them. Well looking for 2D anyways; he could feel the singer's eyes on him as he took another long drag from his cigarette. He let the smoke out slowly watching as it floated and twisted in the air.

"It was 'bout my dad" Murdoc said speaking slowly.

"Wot was, yer dream?" 2D asked sounding slightly confused.

The bassist nodded slowly as he took another drag.

"Yeah, it was more of a memory actually. He used to beat me a lot, I told yew t'is years ago, but I don't t'ink yew remember much…One time he got real trashed an' I broke t'is plate….Well t'at set t'e ol' bastard off, he ended up grabbing me by my throat…Chokin' me and beatin' me, I ended up on t'e ground crying for 'im to stop. He 'it me wit' his cane until I was completely blacked out, t'at's wot my dream was 'bout…"

He thought about telling him the rest, telling him the part that had actually bothered him. He hated keeping him at a distance like that, but he had to. If he kept letting the little idiot in then he would start feeling more strongly towards him. It was the last thing that he wanted to happen after his nightmare, he didn't want it to become a view of his future.

"Yew always told me 'bout yer dad yellin' at yew and beatin' yew sometimes. Yew never told me 'bout t'at t'ough, I'm real sorry to hear t'at luv….Yew didn't deserve t'at, not at all."

Murdoc smiled softly and shook his head. He couldn't help, but feel comforted at the concern he heard in the younger man's voice.

He put his cigarette out on the floor and took a deep breath letting it out slowly.

"T'at wasn't w'at 'ad me cryin' mate. I 'ad another dream about yew….We were…We were in a relationship y'know like datin' an' we were livin' in England again in t'is tiny little 'ouse. I was real drunk in t'e dream an' I was so pissed an' I ended up hittin' yew."

"Yew always 'it me t'ough" 2D said sounding confused.

It worried him that the singer never really minded being hit.

"No, no t'is was different….I was really 'urtin' yew and yew were beggin' fer me to stop an' I jus' didn't. I kept on hurtin' you and….I didn't mean to, but I couldn't stop myself."

It made him feel like his father, that hatred, and that lack of concern when it came to other people. It made him think of the times he'd seen his father beating women; women who just wanted to love him. Murdoc didn't want to be his father; he knew that he was though. He ran away from home, left England, and yet no matter what he would never be able to out run his genetics. He was meant to hurt anybody he actually let love him, he wasn't even sure he could feel love back. It all scared the hell out of him, the man sitting behind him scared the hell out of him.

He felt a hand on his cheek and closed his eyes.

"It was jus' a dream, yew're al'ight t'ough, an' I am too….Jus' was real scared when I saw yew cryin' like t'at, but it's okay now." 2D whispered soothingly

Murdoc smiled softly and turned so that he was facing the singer.

"I don' wanna be like 'im."

"Yew aren't like 'im."

2D pushed his fingers through the older man's hair pushing it back completely out of his face. He studied the Satanist for a bit, nobody really saw him without his hair covering his face, he felt weird sitting there with those blacked out eyes studying him. A small smile appeared on the taller man's face as he looked over the bassist features.

"Yer really beautiful y'know."

Murdoc laughed at the compliment, it was weird. He wasn't used to people saying things like that to him, there were so many things 2D saw and did that nobody was ever supposed to. He knew every time he wasn't screaming at or beating the singer he was breaking another one of his rules that he had made to keep himself from harm. He'd built walls around himself growing up to keep from being hurt and from hurting others, he knew his mental problems would grow worse as the years went by, and in the end he'd be his father. He'd be a violent old drunk hell bent on hurting everybody around him, he didn't want to hurt 2D like that.

"Yer too good to me luv."

The black haired man placed a hand on the back of the singer's neck pulling him in and kissing him.

He knew they should probably go into the rest of the house and make up reasons why they had been quiet all day, but he didn't want to leave. He just wanted to stay here with the younger man, he wanted to stay lost.

He moaned as fingers trailed over his skin studying every line and dip. He bit at the younger man's lip earing a soft moan, he tangled his fingers in blue hair as the kiss grew more heated.

He laid 2D back on the bed, their bodies were pressed firmly together as they kissed passionately. Hands roamed over bare flesh frantically, he focused all of his attention on the man underneath him. He wanted to spend the remainder of the night here just exploring the singer's body while the rest of the world went to Hell.


	16. Chapter 16

They were getting closer to releasing the record, they had decided on titling it Demon Days. They had already sent in all of the songs they had decided would work best on the record into the suits to see if they would approve of it. Murdoc knew that they would, they always approved of what his band sent into them. As usual he also told them that he was the one who created all of the songs which had annoyed Noodle and 2D, but the feeling passed when they realized it was just the way that the Satanist worked. As far as he was concerned it was his band and it would just sound bad if he told people he rarely wrote any of the song lyrics. So as usual he would lie, though he would sometimes work on lyrics, but he would never show them to anybody. They were for him to see and nobody else needed to know he did have a human side to him.

He was getting worried lately that his band mates knew there was something going on between him and 2D. He tried to be careful, but it was really hard for him to hit the singer or scream at him ever since that nightmare of his. It still bothered him and came to the front of his mind any time he lost his temper with the younger man.

Right now he was seated in one of the various rooms in the lower level of Kong hiding from his band mates. A few hours previously he had gotten angry and ended up punching 2D in the face which caused the singer to fall backwards onto a glass top table breaking it. Noodle ended up losing her temper and screaming at Murdoc in Japanese while Russel began rambling on about how much of an asshole the green skinned man was. He had looked down at the dazed and bloodied singer who looked up at him from the wreckage with pain filled eyes. With that the bassist had grabbed a new bottle of vodka and stormed off to one of his hiding places.

His mentality was getting worse over the years. He knew the alcohol and the drugs weren't helping anything, but he couldn't handle not doing those things. Those were the things that kept him from dealing with the monster he was, he didn't want to look himself in the mirror while sober and realize he was rather quickly turning into his father. The one person he never wanted to be like, he wanted to run away from it, his nightmare, and his mental illness. He just wanted to get away from it, he remembered a time when alcohol calmed him, made him stupid. He remembered when the pills and the weed would make him relaxed and almost gentle, but now it didn't do those things. He just ended up angry, frustrated, and took it out on the younger man.

Now he sat here in this dark room on the floor surrounded by boxes drinking through a bottle of booze. He wondered for a moment how badly 2D was hurt, wondered if they had to take him to the hospital or not. He hadn't looked too hurt just kind of scared, Murdoc hated when he looked at him like he was scared. He thought back to his dream and how scared the singer looked then, it'd been such a long time since that nightmare, and yet he couldn't forget it.

He needed to focus his mind on something else other than alcohol and nightmares. He wanted to focus on 2D, but that scared him shitless. When he focused on him he felt things for him or he just ended up beating him severely, he didn't want to do either of those things anymore.

"Mu'doc?" He heard a voice call softly.

He looked over to see 2D standing a couple of feet away from him looking down at the ground. The blue haired man had a few small cuts on his cheeks and forehead, a bruise on his jaw, and some more cuts on his arms. Murdoc couldn't help, but feel like hell as he looked over the other man.

"Wot are yew doin' down 'ere faceache?"

2D walked closer and sat down next to the older man. Murdoc looked down at the bottle in his hand no longer wanting to see the damage he'd caused to the singer.

"I wos lookin' for yew, figured yew woul' be 'idin' somewhere down 'ere….Are yew okay?"

He felt annoyed at the question, why was he worried about how Murdoc was doing?

"I'm fine dullard; I jus' needed to be alone for awhile." He muttered still not looking at him.

He felt fingers combing through his hair and looked over at the vocalist who was staring at him like he was trying to figure out the problem.

"I'm alright yew know, jus' a little cut up, but t'at's it." 2D said offering a small smile.

Murdoc lightly touched his finger tips to the still fresh looking cuts on his friend's face. He was surprised when the younger man's eyes began to fall closed and he smiled at the touch.

"I didn' mean to, I jus' got angry t'at's all….I'm sorry luv." He whispered trying to sound sincere.

He felt like all he did was apologize or say that he didn't mean to do something. It wasn't like they were dating, they weren't in love, so why did he have to apologize or care? He did though and he hated himself for it, he hated how much harm he could cause one person.

"It's okay, no need to feel bad over it or anyfink, jus' 'urts a little bit…Mostly me back and jaw."

Murdoc moved his hand away from his cheek dropping it back down at his side. He sat the bottle down on the ground and turned so that he was now facing the younger man completely. He looked closely at the large black and blue bruise on his face and felt his stomach knot up. He preferred the days when this wouldn't bother him much at all, he hated feeling bothered over this.

He gently touched the large mark careful not to hurt the blue haired man. He leaned forward lightly brushing his lips over the bruise then going down to his neck nipping and sucking at the skin. Fingers tangled in his hair as the singer tilted his head to the side exposing more skin to the older man. Murdoc ran his hands up under his shirt raking his nails lightly down his stomach as he continued biting and sucking at his skin. Soft moans fell from the younger man just barely echoing in the small room as the Satanist brushed his thumbs over his nipples causing his partner to shiver in response.

"I didn' mean to 'urt yew, I really didn'." Murdoc whispered as he stared up into never ending black eyes.

"I know Muds, yew jus' get angry, and I jus' act real dumb sometimes. I'm not mad at yew or nofink." The younger man said reassuringly before leaning in and kissing him.

The older man kissed back hungrily moaning into the younger man's mouth. 2D slid his hand up under the back of the older man's shirt running his nails down his skin. He bit at the younger man's bottom lip in response to the motion. Murdoc broke away from the kiss and began tugging at the younger man's shirt, 2D reached down grabbing hold of his shirt and pulling it up over his head tossing it on the floor.

There were a few cuts on his chest and stomach that made the older man cringe as he looked at them. 2D kissed him roughly trying to take his mind off of the marks, he grabbed at the older man's shirt pulling him closer to his body. The singer laid back on the ground pulling the Satanist down on top of him, Murdoc placed his hands on either side of his partner's head as they kissed passionately. He ground his hips down against 2D's swallowing each desperate moan.

He felt a hand on his ass squeezing and couldn't help, but smile against the other man's lips. Murdoc pulled away from the kiss and began nipping at the singer's chest and collar bones. He grabbed hold of 2D's thigh and pulled his leg up; the singer took the hint and hooked his leg around the bassist lower back. Murdoc pulled the younger man's body up close to his as he ground his hips down against him harder causing 2D to lean his head back against the cold metal floor and cry out in pleasure.

Fingers dug into his back and obscenities fell from the vocalist with each thrust of his hips. Murdoc stopped and pulled back sitting on his knees, he looked down at the younger man and smirked. 2D sat up supporting himself on his elbows, his lips were still parted, and he looked up at the older man with frustration.

"Wot why did yew stop for?"

"Cause yer funny w'en yew get all frustrated." He said before removing his shirt and tossing it over with the younger man's.

2D got up on his knees and placed one hand on the back of Murdoc's neck and the other on his inner thigh causing the bassist to shiver in response. A wicked smile appeared on the singer's face as he began squeezing at the older man's inner thigh sending shocks of pleasure through his body.

"Yer mean y'know" The blue haired man muttered before he began kissing and sucking at the older man's throat then down to his chest.

"Habit luv…Uh fuck, harder" Murdoc moaned

2D pressed harder digging his fingers into the spot he'd been working for a minute now.

He leaned his head back against a pile of boxes and closed his eyes focusing on the feeling of the singer's fingers and mouth working his body. He heard the sound of a zipper being undone and cool air hitting his skin. Murdoc opened his eyes and looked down to see 2D licking and sucking at his inner thigh, his face just mere inches away from his dick. He tangled his fingers in the singer's hair encouraging him in what he was doing, he never understood why that spot got to him so much, but it did. He was grateful that 2D had found it; black eyes were locked on him as the pianist continued sucking at the older man's green tinged flesh.

He looked over the younger man's back noticing cuts of various sizes, a few of them were rather large in size. He tried not to focus on them, but couldn't really help it. He felt teeth nipping at his skin and let out a long moan.

2D pulled away from his thigh and took the head of the Satanist dick into his mouth running his tongue over the tip before he began sucking gently. Murdoc gripped tighter to his blue hair as the vocalist took more of his length into his mouth sucking harder with every inch he took in.

"Fuck stop D" Murdoc groaned as he pulled at the singer's hair.

2D pulled back and sat up on his knees staring down at the older man.

"Take off yer jeans."

The singer obeyed quickly unfastening and removing the article of clothing kicking them to the side. Murdoc lightly pushed the singer back onto the floor; he pushed the other man's legs apart settling between them. He leaned down kissing him passionately; he gripped tightly to 2D's hips pulling the lower half of his body up off of the floor. Long legs wrapped around his back pulling him closer.

"I don' really got any lube or anythin', will you be alright luv?" Murdoc asked as he brushed his lips over the blue haired man's throat.

"Yeah I'll be alright."

He lined himself up and slowly pushed into the taller man's entrance. He felt 2D's body tense as he slowly pushed inside of him stopping once he was just barely half way inside. Fingers dug into his back and he could feel the body under him shaking slightly. Murdoc reached a hand up caressing 2D's cheek running his fingers back through his hair brushing them through gently. He placed light kisses along his neck and chest waiting for his body to relax, it took a while, but the younger man's muscles finally began to relax allowing the older man to push almost completely inside.

He pulled out then pushed back in at a more normal pace, he repeated the action trying his best not to hurt his partner too much with each thrust of his hips. He angled 2D's hips and thrust again hoping to find his prostate so that the pain would lessen. Murdoc kissed him deeply trying to distract him from the pain he was in, with another thrust he found the younger man's spot causing him to arch his back and tighten his grip on the bassist.

He pulled out then thrust back in hard, 2D dug his nails into the Satanist skin.

"Mm shi-Mu'doc"

Murdoc sunk his teeth into the singer's neck growling in appreciation at the sound of his name. He began pounding into the younger man moaning when 2D pushed him all the way inside of him keeping his legs locked tightly around the Satanist back. Murdoc wrapped his arms around the singer's back and pulled him so that they were now in a sitting position, he repositioned, and pushed back inside of the younger man watching as he tossed his head back moaning loudly his voice echoing off of the walls. His fingers tangled and pulled at greasy black hair as he rocked his hips back and forth.

The Satanist buried his face in 2D's neck biting and sucking at the bruised flesh as he continued roughly thrusting up inside of him nailing his prostate with almost every single thrust of his hips. His long claws raked down the taller man's scarred back leaving new welts and cuts in their wake. He could feel the younger man's erection brushing up against his stomach; he placed a hand down between them and began stroking him in time with his quick thrusts. 2D bowed his head muttering and cussing under his breath as he bucked his hips fucking the older man's hand.

He could feel his own climax approaching as he quickened his pace trying to keep the singer's body pressed down tightly against him with each hard thrust. He closed his eyes tightly and a few seconds later he was coming hard inside of him, his body shook with his orgasm, and he began moaning and cussing under his breath. His thrusts slowed to an eventual stop and then he turned all of his focus and the remainder of his energy on the man seated on his lap.

He leaned in sucking at the singer's throat as he continued stroking him; he ran his thumb over the head of his dick causing the younger man's body to jerk in response. He repeated the action a few times then reached down cupping his balls. 2D moaned loudly and continued bucking his hips to get more contact from the older man, it wasn't long before he felt the singer's body tense and begin trembling with his climax.

2D's muscles relaxed and he slumped against the Satanist body burying his face in the crook of his neck. Murdoc wrapped his arms loosely around the younger man holding him closely; he closed his eyes and focused on the warm breath against his skin.

"Yer fuckin' beautiful" Murdoc muttered as he combed his fingers through the other man's sweaty hair.

He felt lips press against his neck.

"Can we stay down 'ere for a bit, I fink Russ and Noodle went out fer a bit…So t'ey won' notice we're gone."

"Sure luv, whatever yew want."

The room was filled with the sound of their steadying breathing. Murdoc hated losing one of his private rooms, but he was somewhat happy to have the younger man with him. He ran his fingers lightly over the cuts still feeling that minor amount of guilt. It would fade though; the guilt always went away after a little bit of binge drinking.

He wondered if there would ever be a day that the singer would want something more than this. There would have to be a day he would realize their relationship was wrong and that he deserved something much more stable. Murdoc feared that day, but sometimes he wished it would come sooner. He didn't need the boy falling in love with him; he could do so much better than the Satanist. Murdoc already knew his future, he was meant to be his father no matter how much he tried to out run it. He knew the day would come he'd go back to England and live in a shit little shack; get some woman pregnant, and great his kids like shit. He would spend his days binge drinking and doing hard drugs while he thought back to these days where he could pretend his life wasn't going to be like that.

The body against his shifted and he smiled down at the younger man. He felt sad and he was beginning to feel sober. He thought about laying the singer down on the floor and sneaking out for a bottle of rum, but thought better of it. He continued to sit with his singer on his lap, he envied how content, and happy 2D could be. He hadn't been depressed for quite awhile now, he'd probably go insane if he could ever see the things Murdoc thought about.


	17. Chapter 17

They had Kong to themselves for the first time in months. Murdoc was quite happy with the change, especially since Noodle wasn't around to yell at him for drinking too much. He knew 2D didn't like how much time he devoted to drinking, but he would never say anything to the Satanist about his bad habit.

He had been drinking slightly less than usual lately, he was never exactly sober, but he wasn't exactly black out drunk either. He didn't want to become a better person; he just wanted to slow down the process of turning into his father as much as he could. He would still occasionally have a nightmare about his old man; he hated them, he hated him.

He looked around the empty living room feeling slightly bored with the silence. He hadn't seen 2D for most of the day, he wondered if there was something wrong with him. He really did need to stop worrying about the little idiot, but he couldn't. The less alcohol that he consumed the more he seemed to worry and the more he seemed to care.

He knew when he had been a lot younger there had been a chance of a caring personality. He had to smother it though through the years to keep himself alive. He knew that caring, trust, and love were the things that got people killed. The things that made them weak ended in too much pain. He loved to pretend that he couldn't feel those things, but 2D always seemed to ruin that for him. Sometimes he still lashed out on the singer when he got angry, but mostly it was around Russel and Noodle to keep them from noticing anything.

The way that Noodle treated 2D like a brother he knew that the guitarist would rip his throat out if she found out what they were doing together. It wasn't like she really hated Murdoc it was just that everybody knew how he treated the people that he slept with so why would 2D turn out any differently?

Russel would probably sneak and try to talk 2D into breaking it off, telling the singer that Murdoc only wanted to use him. That it was just another form of abuse the older man was trying out for his own personal gain.

Not like the bassist could blame his friends for thinking like that. It wasn't like he was a good person; it wasn't like he really wanted to be a good person. Sometimes he wished he was just so that the singer could be happy. What they were doing seemed to keep the younger man content, but Murdoc could still tell he was longing for something else. That always scared the hell out of him, but he knew 2D was at least smart enough to keep from ever bringing something like that up.

He heard foot steps in the hall way and assumed it was one of the many demonic beings lurking the hallways of Kong Studios. He had seen a lot of them lately; they were giving him a rather disturbing feeling lately. He tried to think back to his contract with Satan, wondered if he missed some fine print….

No he hadn't missed anything; he knew that most likely his days would end with too much alcohol or too many drugs in his system. Demons would have to drag him kicking and screaming if they ever really did want him, Murdoc never went down without a fight.

He could hear somebody singing, their voice echoing through the walls. He recognized it as 2D's voice, but he really didn't try to catch what song he was currently singing.

Murdoc pulled himself up out of his seat placing his nearly empty bottle of booze down on the coffee table and began making his way down the hall way.

He spotted 2D not too far ahead of him running his long pale fingers against the gray colored wall as he continued softly singing. He looked like he was off in one of his little worlds again, one of the less depressive ones, which lowered the bassist worries from earlier.

"Hey luv 'aven't seen ya all day." Murdoc said as he came closer to the taller man.

2D stopped walking and dropped his hand down to his side. He blinked a couple of times before looking down at the bassist and smiling softly.

"Been in me room most t'e mornin' kinda got lonely."

"Yeah?" Murdoc asked his voice devious as he placed his hands on the singer's chest pushing him back against the wall.

He leaned up kissing him; he closed his eyes kissing the younger man harder as he felt fingers tangling in his greasy hair. He felt a tongue pressing against his lips and opened willingly, Murdoc ran his hands up under the vocalist shirt lightly raking his claws across his pale skin.

2D placed his hands against the older man's chest pushing him away lightly. Murdoc looked up at him feeling slightly confused; the singer placed a hand on the older man's cheek rubbing his thumb gently against his skin.

"I love yew" 2D whispered softly as he stared down into the older man's eyes.

The Satanist felt his body tense as he backed away from the younger man.

"What?"

"I-I love yew"

"No yew don', yew don' fuckin' love me. Nobody fuckin' loves me, w'at do yew want? I don' fuckin' love yew, I don't even fucking care about yew, yew bloody fuckin' idiot." Murdoc yelled angrily, his voice echoed off of the walls.

2D just looked at him through shocked wide eyes.

He was pissed off at himself, but he was going to take it out on the blue haired man in front of him just like he always did.

"Bu-bu-"

"No, shuddup, I don' fuckin' care about yew. Yer a pathetic little idiot an' I better never 'ear yew say t'at to me ever again."

He saw tears well up in the singer's black eyes. With that he turned away and made his way quickly to the elevator, he was done with this. He knew he couldn't stand there and watch 2D cry, he was going to go to one of his private rooms where he would drink. Maybe he would go visit his portal to Hell just to get away from his own pitiful pain and suffering. He really was just like his father.


	18. Chapter 18

"What did you do to 2D-san?" Noodle asked angrily as she barged into the Satanist Winnebago.

Murdoc jumped up from his bed knocking a few empty beer bottles onto the floor in the process. He stomped over to the younger girl glaring down at her, but had to admit the anger in her eyes scared him a bit.

"Wot, I didn' do nothin' to t'e bloody idio'." He growled angrily.

Noodle continued glaring at him; her fists were clenched at her sides. He wondered if she would actually hit him or just think about it.

"I know better Murdoc-san, he keeps crying, and he will not talk to us about it."

He could feel his anger building; it'd been three days since 2D had admitted his feelings to the older man. Since then they had avoided each other at all costs, the times they did end up in the same room Murdoc usually ended up losing his temper and beating him.

"So jus' cause t'e little brainache is cryin' it mus' mean I did somethin' to 'im." The Satanist slurred angrily.

"Why do you have to be so mean to him all of the time?" The guitarist asked sounding irritated.

"It's in my genetics luv." He mumbled as he shoved past the young girl making his way out of his small home.

He made his way through the garage and into the house stumbling down the hall way and into the kitchen and stopped when he saw 2D sitting in one of the chairs, his back turned to the bassist. He felt rage build up inside of him, he was already angry, but now it was increased. He knew he had no real right to be this pissed off at the younger man, but he couldn't help it. He was just like his father; nothing in the world would ever change that. He was meant to binge drink and hurt everybody who ever tried to love him, and he was determined to make 2D stop loving him.

He grabbed the back of the chair and pulled it down roughly crashing the younger man to the floor. The back of the singer's head hit hard against the tiled floor and he let out a sharp cry of pain. Murdoc reached down grabbing a fist full of his hair dragging him up to his feet trying to ignore the cries and screams coming from his victim. He felt nails digging into his arm piercing the skin, but that didn't make him let go. He slammed 2D back against a wall trying to ignore the guilt and regret he was already starting to feel.

"St-stop wo-wot are yew doin?" 2D asked his voice coming out small and frightened.

Murdoc punched him hard in the face; he pulled his fist back watching the blood spill from the singer's nose.

He wrapped his fingers around 2D's throat and pulled him away from the wall. He pushed him down onto the floor crawling on top of him straddling his lower stomach. He tightened his grip around the singer's throat glaring down into his tear filled eyes. Part of his mind kept screaming for him to let go, but he couldn't, he just watched as the younger man continued to struggle and let out strangled sounds of pain and fear.

Murdoc released his hold on his throat and began punching him again; he tried to ignore every cry and plea. He thought back to his nightmare, back to the pain he had inflicted on 2D in the dream. Now he was making it reality, he could feel tears welling up in his own eyes and bowed his head letting his hair fall in place covering his eyes from view.

He felt somebody grab him from behind and pull him off of the blue haired man. He began kicking and flailing in a lame attempt to get away from whoever was pulling him away. He watched as 2D slowly pulled himself up onto his hands and knees then fell back onto the floor sobbing uncontrollably. The rage drained from his body leaving him exhausted and painfully guilty, he wanted to hold him. He watched as blood and tears mingled on the younger man's beautifully pale face, God he loved him.

Fuck.

Murdoc landed hard on the floor and before he could move somebody smacked him hard across the face. His cheek burned, he reached up touching the stinging spot, and looked up to see Noodle standing above him with her arms folded across her chest. She looked way past pissed off at this point and Murdoc just felt horribly confused by everything. He looked past her to see 2D now sitting and staring at him through horrified eyes, why did he do this?

He tried to talk, but nothing came out just stutters and heavy breathing. Murdoc pulled himself up off of the floor and stormed out of the room.


	19. Chapter 19

Murdoc sat curled up in the corner of one of his hidden rooms. He kept running his fingers through his hair and tugging at it every now and again. His hands still hurt from where he had punched the singer in the face so many times.

He was pretty sure he had spent well over two hours in this dark little room surrounded by boxes. He wasn't ready to go anywhere else; he didn't want anybody to find him yet. He especially didn't want to see 2D, he'd looked so scared. It reminded him of his nightmare too much; he had his father's rage no matter how much he tried to pretend other wise. He had no real reason to hit him, to strangle him, but he couldn't help it. It wasn't like he could beat the hell out of himself like he truly wanted to, so he just took it out on the singer.

He let out a frustrated sigh as he tried to forget about what he did. He just needed to shove the memory to the back of his mind; he needed to stop feeling guilty about it. He was tired of thinking about it, tired of picturing 2D's bloodied face, and tired of thinking how much he loved him.

Love; he couldn't believe he finally thought it, felt it. He didn't want to feel that way; he wasn't supposed to fall in love with the blue haired idiot. He was supposed to just use him and beat him up, not have real feelings for him. There had always been feelings, Murdoc had always felt something towards the vocalist. He had sworn at a young age that he wouldn't care about or fall in love with another human being including himself. He was supposed to be cold towards the world around him and yet he finally loved somebody else. He felt sick when he thought about it, not about the subject of love itself…Just he wasn't supposed to fall in love, he was supposed to live his life recklessly until demons came to drag him off to Hell. That way nobody would be hurt when that day finally came, he wouldn't have to worry about his actions affecting somebody else, and he would never have to worry about being an abusive boyfriend or husband.

He would just be alone until the day he died finally did come. He was meant to live his life that way, but then he had to meet 2D. He had to take care of him, talk to him, live with him, and let him in.

Fuck, none of this was right.

He thought back to earlier; if there was any chance 2D had loved him it had to have been killed today. There was no way the singer could have feelings like that for somebody who could beat him that severely….Murdoc knew better, he hated it.

His phone began to rang, the sound of it made him jump. He'd been sitting in silence with nothing but his own thoughts for so many hours he wasn't used to other noises.

He quickly pulled the small phone out of his pocket and answered it.

"Murdoc where in hell are you?" Noodle's voice called frantically from the other end.

"None of yer business, why, w'ere are yew?"

"Damn it; I am at the hospital."

Murdoc stood to his feet feeling a bit of dread go through him.

"Hospital, yew okay, somethin' 'appen to yew?"

"No, no I'm fine, Russel is too, and it's 2D. I went to check on him after you….I went to check on him and I found him in his bedroom and, he over dosed on his pain medications. He isn't, they have told us it isn't that horrible, but it is good we got him here in time. Where are you, you need to come here."

His entire body felt numb. He leaned back against the wall to keep himself from falling down, he tried to talk, but nothing came out for a few seconds.

"I-I'm on my way, I'll be t'ere soon." He mumbled before ending the call.

He stood in the small room for a moment looking down at the floor as he tried to process the conversation he'd just had. It felt like ages before he finally began moving again.


	20. Chapter 20

The moment Murdoc walked into the waiting room Russel was in his face pointing at him and screaming loud enough to draw the attention of a few nurses and a few families.

"What did you do, Noodle told me you beat him up, but I know that isn't it. If he tried to kill himself I'm blaming you completely."

The bassist stared down at the floor with his fists clenched tightly at his sides. He bit at the inside of his mouth to keep from screaming, if he lost his temper there were a lot of things he knew he would end up saying. A lot of things that nobody needed to know about, this was his entire fault though. He didn't need Russel telling him that, he wasn't going to pretend that he wasn't the cause for all of this.

"Russel calm down, we do not need to cause a scene." Noodle said as she placed a hand on the larger man's arm.

The drummer signed and dropped his arm down at his side. Murdoc looked up at him, but never met his white eyes.

"T'ey say anythin' yet?" Murdoc asked his voice coming out soft.

He sounded lost, he felt lost. He felt nothing like his usual self, hell maybe this was the real him. Just some lost little kid scared out of his mind afraid to look anybody in the eye.

"They told us that he is okay, they managed to pump most of the pills out of his stomach. They said that it is very lucky I found him when I did."

She sounded less angry than she had on the phone earlier, if anything she sounded like she was trying to keep calm. He just barely looked at her, her green eyes were locked on him like she was trying to unlock the secret of what was going on lately.

"He awake yet?"

She shook her head.

"Can we go in and see 'im?"

"No they said not for a couple of days. We are waiting for the doctor to tell us anything else before we head back to Kong and we were waiting for you as well."

Murdoc nodded slowly and sat down on one of the cold metal chairs. He hated hospitals, they were always so brightly lit, and void of life. They were the place where you had to feel aware and constantly alienated; they never wanted people to feel comforted. He could feel Russel staring at him, wanting to yell at him again.

"This is your fault y'know."

"Shuddup" The bassist mumbled

He felt drained; he didn't want to fight about this. It was bad enough he was here anyways, that 2D was here, in a hospital room. Suicide attempt; there was no way in the very depths of Hell that he would attempt something like that.

"You've been making his life hell off and on for awhile now. One minute you're nice to the kid and then the next minute you're pushing him into a glass table and strangling him. No wonder he always seems so fucking depressed, I don't get how he can tolerate you."

"Neither do I"

Russel went quiet after that; Murdoc couldn't help but smirk to himself. They always expected him to start a big scene that he'd throw the usual Niccals fit. He didn't have the energy for that; he didn't even feel like he was completely there mentally. He was thinking over a million different things and none of them involved getting in a fight with his drummer.

"Are you guys with Stuart Pot?"

Murdoc looked up to see a rather tall man with short thinning gray hair, tan skin, and wire framed glasses standing before them with a chart in hand.

"Yes we are his band mates, is he alright?" Noodle asked

The doctor smiled softly and nodded slowly.

"Yes he'll be fine, we aren't sure what happened. It appears he had taken five over the limit on a prescription pain killer."

It sounded like regular 2D, not somebody trying to kill themselves. He always told the fucking idiot he was going to over dose on those stupid little pills of his some day.

"When can we see him then?" Russel asked

"Not for a few days, we'll call you with any updates, and give you a call when it's alright to see him."

"W'at room is 'e in?" Murdoc asked, he could feel the others staring at him.

"37, but like I said it'll be a few days until you can see him. I'll call you with any updates." The doctor said before turning and leaving.

They sat for a little longer while, Murdoc watched as his other two band mates got up and left. They never said anything to him or asked if he was going with them. He knew that they were still pissed off at him; they were still blaming him for this. He knew it was his fault, 2D had been his responsibility ever since he hit him with his van.

After an hour the room began to thin out, it was late at night so most people were going home. Sometimes a nurse would wander through, but that was about it. He took this as his chance to go find the singer's room.

Everything about this felt so familiar, he didn't like this familiar feeling. At least this time he didn't have 2D's parents or his girlfriend giving him dirty looks and screaming at him. This time he just had two band mates who were trying to figure out how to blame this on him and his own thoughts to make him feel like shit.

He arrived at the room and looked around the deserted hallway just to make sure nobody was near before slipping into the dimly lit room. 2D lay unconscious in bed, his face was still bruised and cut up from where Murdoc had beaten him up that day, other than that he looked fine. Murdoc hated the familiarity of all of this. He thought for a moment that he was back in that day all of those years ago waiting for the zombie boy to wake up and see his new appearance.

He pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down; he couldn't even look at him.

"Jus' like ol' times ain't it….I'm sorry Stu, I really am, I didn' mean to 'it yew."

Murdoc looked up at the sleeping man.

"I don' know why I did it, I jus' got pissed off. Not at yew really, more so at myself, yew never did anythin' wrong….Yew rarely do anythin' wrong w'en I do t'at to you. I told yew before t'at I jus' lose my temper sometimes….Satan, I sound jus' like my ol' man."

He felt sick, he just wanted to go back to before any of this happened. He wished he came from different parents or a different up bringing, maybe then he'd actually be good enough for the singer.

"Y'know t'ose doctors and our mates actually t'ink yew tried to kill yerself? I know better t'an t'at, I always fuckin' tell yew t'at yer gonna over dose on t'ose damn pills of yers. Always poppin' em like fucking candy or somethin', lucky yew didn' die." Murdoc spat angrily.

The room fell back into silence; he could hear foot steps somewhere down the hallway.

"I miss yew Stu, I really do. Yer beautiful, even after I beat yew up so bad; I don' get why yew gotta be in love wit' me for, yew aren't supposed to. Yer supposed to find some nice bird who won' beat yew up and if she ever did I'd skin 'er….Yer not supposed to be wit' me t'ough, never ends good….'ell yew aren' even wit' me and it doesn't end up good." He said laughing dryly.

He reached out lightly brushing his fingers against the younger man's bruised cheek.

"I love you Stuart….Not like it matters much anyways, yew probably fuckin' 'ate me now…Can't blame yew for t'at, not sure if I could tell yew t'at w'en yer awake anyways."

Murdoc stood up and looked towards the door making sure nobody was approaching. Once he was sure he crawled into bed next to the blue haired man curling up against his side. He nuzzled his face against his chest listening to the steady sound of his beating heart.

"I love yew" the Satanist whispered before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

Murdoc did his best to avoid his band mates when he finally went back to Kong. He had stayed with 2D until three in the morning making sure to sneak out before anybody could catch him and throw him out. He knew that if they saw him they would start yelling at him or asking him more questions he wasn't willing to ask. All he wanted to do was spend his day sitting in a dark room alone until night time came and then he would go back to the hospital. The only person he wanted to be around was 2D and even that was a risk. He risked a nurse catching him in there and somebody telling his band mates about it which would lead to questions and then he just risked being there when the singer woke up. He didn't want to see him when he woke up, he didn't want to deal with that.

He would go in with Russel and Noodle, but he wouldn't be in there alone with him. He knew everything about this was stupid, that he should just grow the hell up.

Around ten he decided to leave; he made his way out of the bottom half of Kong and up to the main floor. He had assumed his band mates to be asleep; he never noticed them in the rec room.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Murdoc turned around to see Noodle and Russel staring at him from the couch. Russel still seemed decently annoyed while the guitarist just seemed more on the worried side.

"Sod off" He growled angrily

"Why don't you just tell us what's going on, you had to do something to make 2D do something like that."

"He didn' Fuckin try to kill himself, alrigh'. Dammit 'e wouldn' fuckin' do somethin' like that, he's just a fucking idiot who took too many of t'ose meds. He's always poppin' t'e stupid t'ings it was bound to happen eventually."

"Enough, why do you have to talk about him so meanly?" Noodle asked sounding annoyed.

"It's not my fault he's a fuckin' dullard an' none of yer damn business w'ere I spend my days. T'is is my fuckin' band and I'm in charge, now I'm gonna go out if t'at's Fuckin alright wit' yew." Murdoc yelled before storming out of the room.

He couldn't wait for 2D to wake up just so he could clear up the stupid suicide thing. He knew better than that, it was such a dumb idea that he couldn't believe his band mates would even consider it. He had known the singer longer than them though, yet he still managed to fuck everything up with him.

Once at the hospital he went through the routine of waiting for people to clear out. Hospitals felt extremely dead when everybody was gone, he liked it better this way. He didn't like when it was crowded with people pretending it was a place where things were alright.

Murdoc remembered once when he was little; his father had thrown him into a wall so hard that he had broken his arm. There was no going around taking the seven year old boy to the hospital, he remembered being so horrified, and in so much pain. His father had given him some bull shit story to tell about falling out of a tree, if he told the truth his father warned he would shoot him between the eyes.

He shook the memory out of his mind as he walked into the dark room.

He took a seat next to the bed and looked over the younger man, some of his bruises looked better tonight.

"Hey luv, really is like t'e ol' times now…Yew in a 'ospital all out of it an' stuff while I talk to yew like yew can even 'ear me." Murdoc said smiling sadly

He ran his fingers over the singer's arm.

"I'm probably not goin' to be 'ere when yew wake up. I 'aven't really decided yet, Russel t'inks yew tried to kill yerself….T'ey t'ink it's my fault, of course it's my fault yer here. I shouldn' 'ave 'it yew, I should 'ave jus' told ya t'at I'm in love wit' yew…I panicked t'ough, nobody 'as ever told me t'at before. Birds always jus' wan' sex and anybody else well….Yer t'e first to say somethin' like t'at to me. I can' stand 'ow I feel about yew. Yer t'e only person for a lot of t'ings an' I 'ate t'at."

He looked away from the singer; it pained him seeing his face. It wasn't the worst damage he had ever done to him, but it was still horrible.

"I keep pushin' yew away cause I don' wanna be my father. I don' want to abuse yew an' make yew regret being in love wit' me….Yew probably feel t'at way already anyways, I'm okay wit' t'at t'ough….It'll 'urt when I see yew wit' some girl, but I'll get over it….Do yew even know I'm 'ere right now, even 'ear any of w'at I'm sayin' to yew? I kind of hope t'at yew don't."

Murdoc got up and got into bed with the blue haired man just like he had the night before. He liked listening to his heart beating; it was something so simple, and so dumb to care about. He cared about a lot of dumb things when it came to 2D though and it made him feel pathetic. His father and brother really had turned him into a cold hearted being through their years of abuse.

"I wan' to be good fer yew, I really love yew."


	22. Chapter 22

Murdoc felt relief wash over him the morning the doctor called to say that 2D had finally woken up. He never said anything though, just pretended that he really didn't care. He kept quiet on the way to the hospital; he knew his band mates still weren't up for talking to him. He knew that they still considered it his fault and he really didn't care anymore. He had spent four days sneaking into the singer's hospital room just to talk to him and sleep by his side, they would never know that. They could spend the rest of their lives thinking he didn't care about the blue haired man.

When they walked into the hospital room 2D was sitting up in his bed staring at the TV on the other side of the room. He looked away from it and smiled as his band mates entered the room. Murdoc stood in the corner nearly out of sight not really wanting to be part of the group.

"2D-san how are you feeling, we were worried about you."

"Yeah man what the hell happened?"

"I'm fine, jus' a little mistake is all. Feel a little sore, bu' not bad other t'an t'at." 2D said smiling awkwardly.

"So you did not do it on purpose?" Noodle asked sounding unsure of how to ask her question.

The singer tilted his head to the side as he stared at the young girl trying to understand what she had meant.

"Yew fink I did it on purpose? No, no o' course not it was jus' an accident."

"I fuckin' told yew, assholes." Murdoc mumbled

Russel shot the bassist a look then turned his attention back to 2D.

"So what happened then?"

"Well after Mu'doc beat me up t'at day I was real sore an' 'ad one of me migraines…So I wen' to take some of my pills, bu' I didn' pay any attention to 'ow many I was takin'…So I guess I went over wot I was supposed to, real stupid of me really." He said blushing slightly.

"It's okay 'D all that matters is that you're alright." Russel said smiling slightly.

"So w'en can I go back 'ome?"

"The doctor said you can leave tomorrow morning, they just want to make sure everything is okay." Noodle said

2D nodded slowly, he glanced over at Murdoc then quickly looked away.

They spent a few more minutes talking on about things that the vocalist had missed in the past few days he had been absent. After that Noodle and Russel announced they were going back to Kong, they never asked if Murdoc was going or staying. He smiled to himself, they'd spent a good part of the year getting pissed off at him so he was becoming quite used to it. He knew that Noodle was still stuck mentally back in Japan and the child soldier news she had heard about herself and he was starting to notice something very off about Russel lately. He wasn't going to give them shit for hating him at the moment; it was easy to understand why they were pissed over this.

Once they left it was only Murdoc and 2D in the room together. He considered just leaving and going back home so he could get drunk. Maybe he could get drunk enough to forget he had feelings; he was still scared of having them. He'd always had them, but usually he ignored their existence to keep himself safe.

He stared down at the floor trying to ignore the black eyes that were locked on him. Murdoc sighed and slowly made his way over to the bed sitting down in the chair next to it; the same chair he'd been sitting in for days now.

"Yer stupid y'know t'at?" Murdoc asked as he looked up at the younger man.

"Yew tell me t'at all t'e time 'ow couldn' I know. Coul' yew at least pretend t'at yew care about me for a second?" 2D asked angrily.

"Yew t'ink I don' care 'bout yew?"

"T'at's wot yew tol' me isn' it? T'at yew don' care 'bout me, t'at I'm an idiot." The singer spat back bitterly.

"Yew really are an idiot, I freaked out okay? Of course I care about yew, yew over dosed on yer stupid fuckin' head pills cause yew always take too God damn many of 'em. I'm sorry I said t'ose t'ings I didn' mean any of it. I spent four days in this hospital room watching yew to make sure yew were okay, I know I shouldn' 'ave yelled at yew t'at day. I feel like a miserable ol' prick for beatin' yew up so bad and I was too bloody scared to tell yew t'at I love yew cause I don' want to hurt yew like my dad did to every woman 'e got wit'." Murdoc said his voice came out frustrated and scared.

"Yew love me?" 2D asked his voice soft like he was scared to ask.

The bassist averted his eyes then looked back up wondering if it was too late to just run away.

"Y-yeah I love yew"

The blue haired man placed his hand on the Satanist cheek caressing his green tinged skin. Murdoc placed his hand over 2D's and smiled softly at the touch.

"I love yew too Mu'doc, I know t'at I shouldn', an' I've tried a lot not to, but I can' 'elp it."

"Yew shouldn' wanna be wit' me luv, I don' wanna be like my father. I don' want to do t'at to yew."

2D smiled sadly running his fingers back through the older man's shaggy hair. He patted the space on the bed next to him, Murdoc smiled and got up from his seat and climbed up on the bed settling down next to the younger man.

"Yew aren' 'im, he's a horrid ol' bastard and yer nofink like 'im. I know yew won' be like 'im."

Murdoc buried his face in the crook of the younger man's neck placing a couple of soft kisses against his skin.

"I won' 'it yew anymore, except like in interviews and stuff, but only if ya say somethin' really idiotic." Murdoc said smiling.

2D laughed

"T'at's all t'e time t'ough"

"Yew really fuckin' scared me 'D."

"I'm sorry, I didn' mean to." The younger man whispered, he wrapped his arm around Murdoc's shoulders holding him closely.

"I love yew Stu"

"I love yew too"


	23. Chapter 23

"C'mon luv ya gotta get dressed."

Murdoc ran his fingers through 2D's hair and sighed when the younger man responded to the statement by burying his face against the older man's chest and mumbling something.

"Noodle and Russ will be 'ere soon, don' really t'ink t'ey wanna find us in bed together."

He wondered if they even realized Murdoc hadn't went back home with them. It wasn't like they had taken separate cars to the hospital so they had to notice they ditched the bassist. They were still angry though, less now that they knew 2D hadn't attempted suicide, but they still weren't on the greatest terms with the Satanist. He still couldn't blame them, but he was starting to get pissed off at them and their new attitude towards him. It was his band after all, in a strange way they all belonged to Murdoc.

"T'ey still angry wit' yew?" The younger man asked as he sat back looking up at the older man.

"Yeah t'ey're still a bit pissed off y'know, t'ey'll get over it." He replied shrugging it off like it wasn't a big deal.

He knew it bothered 2D when there was any kind of tension, but Murdoc had come from a life filled to the brim with tension. It wasn't anything new to him and if a couple of people hated him for a little while that was fine by him. Noodle was a teenager so she would get over her annoyance and Russel just seemed really out of lately with his emotions. It'd blow over soon enough and if he ever told them about him and 2D's new relationship they would really have to get over it.

"I coul' talk to 'em an' tell 'em it isn' yer fault."

Murdoc smiled and placed a soft kiss to the younger man's neck.

"Fer now jus' get dressed"

The blue haired man sighed before pulling himself out of the bed. He grabbed his folded up clothes from the desk on the other side of the room. He removed his hospital gown and began dressing quickly; Murdoc watched him his eyes wandering over the cuts and bruises on his back and his arms. 2D looked over his shoulder and caught the older man's intense gaze.

"T'ey don' really 'urt yew know, not much anymore. T'e bruises still kinda 'urt, bu' it's a lot betta t'an it was before."

The bassist nodded and looked down. The marks annoyed him, because they would be there for awhile. There were things like the pianist black eyes, missing front teeth, and a few other permanent scars that would always remind him the abuse he'd caused him. He hated looking at them, but in a weird way they made the blue haired man more attractive. To some sick degree he was actually proud of some of the things he'd done to him.

He felt a hand on his cheek and looked up into black eyes.

"Don' worry 'bout it, I don'." 2D said smiling softly.

Murdoc reached up running the tip of his index finger under one of the younger man's eyes. He studied the permanent bruise around it and noticed if he looked for long enough he could still just barely see where his eye was once a beautiful shade of blue.

"I've really fucked yew up a lot didn' I?" He asked laughing dryly.

"No' really, I like 'ow I look now, makes me differen' from everybody else."

The Satanist let his hand drop back down to the bed. 2D leaned down kissing him hungrily, he groaned into the sudden action as he slid his hands up under the front of the taller man's shirt feeling along his flat stomach.

He heard foot steps outside close to the room and pulled away from the singer. 2D looked at him confused, but then looked towards the door when he noticed the foot steps as well. The door never opened and the clicking sounds faded.

"W'en we get back to Kong I wan' yew to spend time wit' Noodle. She's missed yew a lot since yew got put in 'ere so yew shoul' talk to 'er and Russ for a bit…T'en later tonight yew can come into my Winnie an' we can spend some time together." Murdoc whispered as he continued lightly running his fingers over the other man's stomach.

"Okay t'en, I do feel bad I 'aven't seen t'em much lately; I really miss bein' 'ome wit' yew guys." 2D said as he leaned back against the bed.

Murdoc wanted to lie down next to him, but he knew it wouldn't be long until the others were there. So instead he got up and sat down in one of the chairs next to the bed. A few minutes later and his other two band mates were in the room greeting the young singer and ignoring the bassist completely. He looked at Russel for a moment and noticed something about his eyes seemed off more than the usual off a possessed person could have. He wondered for a moment if something inside of Kong managed to squirm its way into the drummer's mind. Nobody ever said he was completely free of demons or dead things of any kind. Noodle on the other hand just seemed rather tired, but happy all the same.

He wondered how long it'd be before she went quiet again. She kept doing that lately, she'd go into modes where she barely talked at all. Usually in interviews she'd sit with her head bowed and this distant look on her face, sometimes he thought it was because she was bored, but he was beginning to think that it was something else. He'd have to talk to her about it, though he knew he wasn't exactly the person anybody other than 2D wanted to open up to.

He really would never understand why the blue haired man always opened up to him, unless that was just another part of love.

Murdoc followed a good few feet behind his band mates as they signed out of the hospital and went into the parking lot climbing inside of the Geep. He never looked at them or said anything on the ride back to Kong and they gave him the same treatment. They did have the general sibling relationship and Murdoc knew his immaturity didn't help matters much. He was rather prone to running his mouth and saying things that he shouldn't, everybody he'd ever talked to could agree to that.

Once back home he grabbed a bottle of rum and was back in his Winnie. It felt weird being out of the hospital and away from 2D for the first time in several days. He knew in a few hours he'd have the lanky singer back by his side.


	24. Chapter 24

Murdoc lay on his bed with the nearly empty bottle of rum held loosely in his hand. His eyes were closed and he just listened to the distant sounds of the zombies outside groaning and scratching at the metal walls of Kong.

He heard the door click open then go shut a minute later followed by soft foot steps coming towards his bed. He smiled softly when he heard the sound of a belt buckle followed by a zipper being undone. Soon after he felt a weight settling on his lap and long fingers splayed over his chest. He opened his eyes and stared up at the younger man sitting on him wearing nothing, but his pink colored underwear.

"Hey luv, I was wonderin' w'en yew woul' be droppin' by." Murdoc murmured as he ran his hands slowly up and down the younger man's sides.

2D leaned down kissing him; Murdoc placed a hand on the back of his neck pulling him in closer as the kiss grew more passionate. He nipped at the other man's lower lip making him moan quietly.

"I tol' t'em t'at it isn' yer fault 'bout wot 'appened. Russ tol' me 'e was 'bout to punch yew w'en yew were all at t'e hospital t'at night." The blue haired man said as he nuzzled against the bassist neck.

"I figured, I coul' tell t'e fat arse was pissed at me. I was gonna yell at 'im, bu' I was kinda really outta it when Noodle tol' me 'bout yew." He said as he rubbed his hand up and down the taller man's back.

"I'm sorry 'bout t'at, I really didn' mean to scare everybody. I was jus' in a lot of pain and I usually take a lot of me meds anyways so I didn' fink it'd 'urt me any….Guess I am really stupid after all, always t'ought yew were jus' bein' mean when yew said t'at to me."

"Yew aren' stupid pet, well yew aren' exactly all t'ere mentally; not yer faul' I beat t'e hell outta yew t'at day." Murdoc said still feeling that guilt especially anytime his fingers brushed over the cuts on the younger man's back.

He felt teeth in his neck and groaned.

"Do yew fink we coul' tell t'em about us sometime?"

"I don' know mate let's jus' give it a few days."

Honestly Murdoc just didn't want to tell anybody at all. If nobody knew they were together then if something happened nobody would really know. He kept waiting to turn into his father and wreck what they had going on especially now that love was involved. He didn't want to hurt him anymore, it was one of the times he wished he could just rip his genetics from his body. If he ever did anything to 2D and his friends found out about it they would kill him.

He moaned when he felt another nip placed against the side of his neck followed by a tongue lapping against the now damaged skin.

"Yew fink too much Muds" 2D said as he pulled back so he could look down at the older man.

Murdoc smiled shyly and ran his fingers back through the vocalist hair.

"Yew don't t'ink enough" He mumbled back

2D leaned down placing another bite on the Satanist neck eliciting another moan.

"Yeah, bu' I can usually tell 'ow yer feelin'."

The younger man moved off of Murdoc and lay down next to him. The bassist rolled over onto his side so he could face the taller man, he wrapped his arm around 2D pulling his body closer.

"I figured knowin' a lot 'bout me woul' make yew run like Hell."

"No I'd never do t'at to yew, yew've been through a lo' an' yew shouldn' 'ave to be alone." 2D said as he caressed the older man's cheek.

Murdoc leaned into the touch placing his hand over the singer's.

"I love yew 'D no matter w'at I ever tell yew or do to ya. Remember t'at, al'ight luv?"

"I will, I love yew too Muds."

He closed his eyes and focused on the warm breath against his chest and the body pressed against him. He was going against every rule he had ever created for himself, every rule that was meant to keep himself and others safe. He would never stop fearing that some day he would hurt the man he was holding in his arms. Sometimes he thought about going back on medications for his mental disorder, but he didn't want to get hooked, or turn into a blubbering idiot. He didn't like the idea of pills changing his personality completely, but he didn't like losing his mind completely. It wasn't like he was sane anyways; he had a room filled with rituals, shrunken heads, eye balls in the fridge, and a lot of occult symbolism. He really wasn't the sanest or saint like of human beings, but he never wanted to hurt 2D.

It would happen though; he hurt him before they started dating. It was different now though, he actually had somebody he was in love with. He didn't want to fuck that up and lose what little bit of humanity he had left inside of him.


	25. Chapter 25

Murdoc sat on the couch staring off into nothing; he'd been doing that for about an hour now. He wondered for a moment if the others were home or if he was completely alone. He felt weird that day, like he wasn't completely there. He would try to focus on something, but his mind would just start wandering even though he didn't want it to, he couldn't even focus long enough to drink. The sensation of being this out of it scared him; he didn't like not having that control. He could feel the urge to either cry or go into a fit of rage, but it was just in the back of his mind waiting for anything. He really hoped that he was alone, he felt like he was the only person in the world.

For whatever reason he would think about his childhood; how his father had beaten him, thrown glass bottles at his head, and how his brother had beaten him until he was near death. He couldn't forget those days, he could never forget those days. Usually he could push them to the side though; hell he could even laugh them off even if it was in a very bitter and hateful way. He still had small scars from those times; he was always going to be connected to his home. He had his father's mental disorder and his addiction problems. He didn't want to be that way, but he could see it every time he looked in a mirror.

He feared the future, less for himself, and more for 2D. He didn't want to make him see that; he didn't want to just one day wake up completely out of his barely there mind and do something he'd regret. He knew in a few years he'd be there, that he'd be to the point where his rage couldn't be controlled, where he'd have black outs, and would be a complete asshole. He knew there were things he could try and do, but he didn't want the stupid pills. He didn't want to tell his feelings to some head doctor. He thought about what it would be like the first time he would end up blacking out and beating 2D up, he knew the singer would be scared, but would quickly forgive him. He was always forgiving Murdoc and that would never change, but it'd end eventually. There could only be so many times he could take it and the Satanist knew just how badly he could physically hurt somebody and if it wasn't that then it was verbal. He hoped 2D was smart enough o just fucking leave at some point, they'd actually been together for about a week now, and every day he cursed himself for it.

He loved the blue haired man more than he thought he was capable of, but he was fucking scared. He was scared of being in love, he was scared of somebody looking at him with such compassion, and he was scared of the future. There were other factors than his own mental state, there was the deal with Satan that would at some point if the band kept going in the direction it was going in would end with the bassist dead. He knew the fame was great, he knew ways to keep that bloody red bastard off of his back, but he could only do those things for so long. He knew eventually he'd cave and let whatever wanted him just fucking take him, then 2D would be left alone…

No matter how Murdoc looked at the situation it was horrible. He was just a huge black cloud over the younger man's head. At some point he would drown him, it was bound to happen with all of the horrid things that came with the Murdoc package.

He wanted to shut his mind off, but he couldn't. That was the problem though; his mind was taking a break, it was racing and was forcing him to think over the things he could usually keep under control. That small amount of rage building in the back of his mind made him want to blame 2D, but he wouldn't let that happen. He hadn't hit him since his last actual fit of rage which had resulted in the singer over dosing and after that he really never wanted to do it again. It was something he could say, but he knew himself better than keeping his own word. Especially when it came to his own basic nature that he couldn't control no matter what he tried.

He jerked away moving to the corner of the large black couch and pulling his legs up against his chest when he felt a hand touching his cheek. Murdoc stared up from above his knees to see 2D sitting there a good distance away from him with a scared look on his face and his lips parted slightly like he was trying to figure out the right thing to say in this situation. He felt like a prick and like he was going insane quicker than he had hoped.

The singer moved closer and once more placed his hand on the bassist cheek caressing his skin softly like he was showing him he meant no real harm. Murdoc closed his eyes and sighed as he tried to focus his crazed mind on the hand touching him. His muscles began to relax and he stretched his legs out on the couch. He felt a weight settling on his lap and lips pressing against his forehead.

"Yew okay luv, didn' mean to scare yew." The singer whispered softly his voice was soothing.

Everything about him felt soothing, he felt safe and it made Murdoc want to cry. He wasn't used to this kind of shit emotionally or physically to be completely honest. He could only go with it and hope it would pull him out of himself, out of his mind that was determined to kill him.

"I'm fine 2D, jus' a little tense, t'at's all….I love yew" He whispered as he took the younger man's free hand and held it tightly.

2D stared down at him with black eyes filled with endless concern, Murdoc smiled at him trying to hide his nervousness and self loathing.

"I love yew too Muds, stay wit' me, okay." He said as he looked intensely into the older man's mismatched eyes.

He knew what he meant, after a few seconds he had to avert his gaze from the taller man's. He couldn't keep his mind to stay in one place; he really hated the complications he caused for himself.

"T'e others 'ere?" Murdoc asked trying to change topics away from himself.

"No, Noodle and Russ went shopping aw'ile ago, yew've spen' most t'e day jus' sittin' 'ere starin off." 2D said as he ran his hands down the older man's chest down to his stomach.

The bassist looked back up at him and smiled weakly as he studied the other man. He looked at his clothes noticing he was wearing one of Murdoc's black shirts and a pair of boxers.

"My shirt looks good on yew luv, ya shoul' keep it."

He placed his hands on the singer's hips running his fingers up under the thin material. He leaned up kissing the other man softly.

"Fanks, yew feel better now?"

Murdoc nodded slowly before kissing the younger man slowly, deeply. He just wanted to feel something secure.


	26. Chapter 26

Murdoc dug his jagged fingernails into the singer's thigh as he continued grinding his hips against him while his sharp teeth worked at his neck breaking the skin and creating new bruises and scars. 2D's fingers dug into his shoulder blades clawing frantically as his moans grew louder and his voice came out deeper the more he lost himself in the things the older man was doing to him. His head was pressed back against the wall, eyes shut tightly, lips parted, and his left leg was currently wrapped firmly around the bassist waist pulling him closer.

The Satanist placed his free hand between them trying to quickly unfasten the taller man's pants. 2D lowered his leg and reached down pushing his jeans down to the floor and kicking them off the rest of the way. Murdoc ran the tip of his tongue from the blue haired man's collar bone down to his chest running it roughly against his nipples causing the younger man to groan. He pulled back and stepped away from the other man removing his own jeans, he watched as 2D went over to the bed lying on his back with his knees bent and legs spread apart. He looked up at the bassist with black eyes clouded with lust; Murdoc smirked and went over crawling onto the bed settling between the younger man's parted legs. He dipped his head down flicking his tongue over the tip of the singer's dick watching him toss his head back and moan. He took it as the opportunity to move up and bite and suck on the front of the other man's throat.

Legs wrapped around him as he pushed his fingers inside of the vocalist working his body. He loved every shudder and pant he received when his fingers brushed against that spot inside of him. He pulled his fingers out and pushed himself inside of the younger man digging his nails into his hips holding him at just the right angle. He let out a low growl at the tight heat wrapped around him, he really had missed this.

He kissed the singer hungrily as he pulled back then thrust into him again harder this time. He moaned into the younger man's mouth as he felt fingers tugging at his hair and 2D silently urging him to go faster. Murdoc dug his nails into the other man's skin as he picked up his pace; the pianist arched his back pressing his chest against the older man's with each hard thrust.

Murdoc broke from the kiss and bowed his head panting and moaning out obscenities and occasionally the name of the man underneath him.

He grabbed onto the singer's dick stroking him in time with each frantic thrust. He focused on the feeling of the body under him and the nails digging into his scalp, the skin pressed against his. He lost himself in every moan and cry of pleasure he caused the younger man to make. He nipped at the skin on his chest as he went harder paying attention to every move the taller man made every moan, jolt, and tension in his muscles.

He ran the pad of his thumb over the head of his cock smiling to himself as 2D's body jerked in response and he bucked his hips needing to feel that sensation again. Murdoc continued the motion with his thumb hoping to draw the singer closer to the edge. He knew by the nails digging into his back that it wouldn't be long.

He used his other hand to cup and rub the younger man's balls causing louder and more desperate moans to fall from his parted lips. Murdoc locked his eyes on 2D enjoying how he tried to watch the older man working him through half lidded eyes. He kissed the vocalist passionately swallowing his moans as his body spasmed and he began coming into the bassist hand and onto his own stomach. The muscles wrapped firmly around his dick tightened pushing him over the edge. He tugged at the other man's spiked hair burying his face against the crook of his neck as he came inside of him.

Murdoc pulled out and lay down on the bed staring up at the cracked and graffiti stained ceiling. His breathing was heavy and uneven and his body still tingled with the orgasm he'd just experienced. He felt a hand on his chest and looked over to see 2D pressed up against his side, fingers splayed on his chest while his black eyes focused on the older man's chest. He ran his fingers through 2D's blue hair losing himself in less depressing thoughts.

"I love yew Stu"

"I love yew too Mu'doc"

He kissed the top of the younger man's head then continued to watch him. This was the first time they'd had sex since all the shit that had happened. Murdoc still felt like Hell about it, still thought about it, but he thought about a lot of things. It felt like he never stopped thinking except when they were like this, he wanted to keep moments like this forever instead of fading back into the darkness.


	27. Chapter 27

"What is going on with you lately?"

Murdoc looked back over his shoulder to see Noodle standing behind him. He was sitting on the ground of the balcony over looking the massive land fill. He'd spent a good part of his day alone until now.

"No of course not, now bug off girlie." He mumbled waving off the young girl.

"You have been strange lately and I have noticed you have not been drunk as often. Plus you get quiet a lot."

He rolled his eyes and stayed silent for a bit hoping the guitarist would just go back inside. She didn't though, she just continued to stand there and stare down intensely at him. She was always so keen on what was going on even though she seemed to spend a lot of her time keeping to herself in the different sections of Kong. Yet she always managed to find out first when 2D was depressed, when Russel was out of his head completely or in this case when Murdoc was just being weirder than usual.

"It's no big deal luv, go back inside and bother faceache or somethin'."

He liked the idea of keeping the relationship between him and 2D private. He didn't know why anybody else needed to know and with the way his mind kept jumping around from bad place to bad place he wasn't sure how long it would last. If he wasn't thinking about the possibility of abuse, he was thinking about when the demons would come for his soul dragging him off to hell, and then of course he also feared 2D would get bored of being with another man and would leave to start a family. He knew the last one was stupid, but it was the only one he had that didn't involve some kind of violent ending.

"2D-san has not wanted to talk much for a few days now. I am concerned about him, I know that you are not….Are you sure that nothing is going on?"

Murdoc shook his head and took one last drag from his cigarette before snubbing it out on the metal ground next to him.

He heard retreating foot steps and let out a sigh of relief. He loved the girl in some weird family way, but sometimes the things she said got to him. It was one of the few reasons he wanted to tell his band mates that he was with 2D, maybe then they'd stop thinking he was the reason the singer kept to himself sometimes. If there was something wrong then Murdoc didn't know about it, he'd spent most of his day outside picking off walkers from the balcony.

He heard foot steps coming up behind him and felt himself tense, he really didn't need Noodle asking him more questions.

"Dammit I told ya to leave me alone Noodle, I said nothin' is goin' on." Murdoc growled out through gritted teeth.

"It's me Mu'doc"

The bassist looked up to see 2D standing there with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans and his black eyes locked on the older man curiously.

"Sorry I t'ought it was Noodle, she t'inks somethin' is wrong wit' t'e two of us." He said averting his eyes feeling mildly embarrassed for his outburst.

2D sat down next to him, Murdoc tossed him a cigarette and his lighter. The younger man mumbled his thanks as he lit up then handed the lighter back. The Satanist glanced over watching the younger man suck the smoke down into his lungs then breath it back out slowly.

"Why she fink t'at's somefinks wrong?"

"Yew 'aven't been talkin' to her much lately I guess an' I barely drink much anymore." Murdoc replied as he looked away from his partner.

The singer placed a hand on his leg squeezing lightly; he couldn't help but smile slightly at the touch. He hoped to Satan nobody would walk out and see them like this, but what if they did?

"I'll talk to 'er t'en, I don' mean to ignore her or nofink. It's jus' I've been spendin' mos' my time 'round yew and all." 2D said after taking another drag.

Murdoc looked over at him smirking.

"I t'ink I'm a bad influence on yew luv, not sure 'ow I feel 'bout t'at." The Satanist said as he ran his nails lightly down the side of the younger man's neck.

"I know I like it." The singer muttered as a light blush spread across his face.

"I would do anythin' to make yew happy, anythin' in t'e world. Y'know t'at right?"

2D tilted his head and looked at the older man with concern.

It was a stupid thing to say to him, but he needed to say it; even if it came out sounding pathetic and somewhat depressive.

The blue haired man took hold of his hand locking their fingers together holding his hand tightly.

"O' course I know t'at Muds, are yew okay?"

Murdoc looked away for a second looking down at their hands.

"I'm jus' a crazy ol' fuck t'at's all, nothin' to worry about luv."

He looked back up at the vocalist and feigned a smile hoping it'd make him drop the topic.

2D tossed his cigarette over the railing and placed his hand on the bassist cheek then leaned in kissing him. Murdoc kissed back moaning at the slow pace of the younger man's lips working against his own.

"I love yew, I wan' yew to be as happy as I am." 2D muttered when he had finally broke away from the kiss.

"I love yew too Stu, it scares t'e shit outta me too. I'm not used to somebody lovin' me, actually lovin' me, and I don' wanna lose yew again."

"I won' go anywhere luv, I promise, and yew deserve love. I know why yer t'e way yew are and it isn' yer fault, yew jus' 'ad a real bad family. T'at doesn' make yew a bad person t'ough an' I'm always goin' to love yew."

Murdoc smiled softly and kissed the taller man quickly. He didn't even care if somebody living or other wise saw them. He knew he would end up telling his band mates, they were like family, and did deserve to know. He felt like a right prick keeping it secret it felt like he was ashamed of 2D when it wasn't that way at all.


	28. Chapter 28

"2D I t'ought I told ya not to come out 'ere alone anymore." Murdoc said feeling slightly annoyed as he made his way through the cemetery.

2D sat on the ground leaning back against one of the headstones staring out at the never ending landscape of graves and garbage. The singer turned his head and looked up at the older man who was glaring down at him. He'd spent the past two hours looking for the blue haired man with Noodle's help, after awhile of searching he figured this was the best place to look for the younger man. He made sure that the young guitarist didn't follow him mostly cause he didn't need her getting hurt even though she always seemed more than able to handle herself around the walking dead.

"I know, jus' really wanted to be alone fer awhile and knew I coul' be out 'ere." He said sadly before looking away again.

His eyes looked odd, they had that crimson blood color to them right now and his hair was a navy blue. It amazed him how such creepy things could look so painfully beautiful.

Murdoc sat down on the ground next to him and watched the younger man. He hated when he was out in the cemetery by himself, they'd all made it a rule a long time ago that 2D couldn't go there by himself. Every time he was there by himself he was generally in a depressive state or having one of his days where he was more out of it than usual which of course made him an easier target for the walking dead. Murdoc knew that lately there were less zombies wandering around, he'd been able to keep the count down. Anytime he thought too much or got pissed off he would go shoot a few of the tortured bastards in the head. The only part he hated about it was taking them out of the graveyard and burning them, the process usually took a few hours.

"Yew okay?" The bassist asked gently, he placed his hand on 2D's cheek lightly running his fingers along his slightly cold skin.

"I jus' feel weird, I don' know, jus bein' stupid I guess."

"Want me to stay wit' yew, I really don' like leavin' yew 'ere like t'is."

It wasn't like he really planned on leaving either way. He didn't want the remote chance of 2D getting attacked, it wouldn't be the first time, but that didn't mean he'd get away without a scratch.

The younger man curled up against his side resting his head on his shoulder and placing a hand on his leg. Murdoc wrapped his arm around him holding him closely, he felt cold. He wondered if 2D even knew he was depressed half of the times that he was, he usually just said he felt wrong or stupid. This was the first time he had been depressed for a month now, it had been really nice. Mostly Murdoc had been depressed in the past few months, the month they weren't talking, the month things were weird, and the month they finally got together. He spent most of his time thinking about his childhood, having the occasional nightmare which lead to crying himself back to sleep, and then fearing for his future. Some part of him wanted the Reaper to come for him eventually before he could cause his boyfriend any harm…Boyfriend; it was a really weird word to have pop into his head or for him to say out loud. He wondered what his father would say if he ever found out, he'd lose it, not like the rotted bastard had much to lose anyways. Murdoc spent a good portion of his childhood hearing how being gay was a weakness, how it was wrong, and yet he here he was with another man. He felt different, but it was in a more human way. He didn't feel pathetic; he'd spent most of his life miserably alone and feeling pathetic and weak. Now he was with somebody, it hurt him to be with somebody, and think over all the ways he could hurt them, but he didn't feel weak because he was with a man.

Part of the reason he felt weird was because he'd bee drinking less. He hadn't stopped drinking completely, but he didn't spend all of his time completely piss drunk.

"Yew okay?"

Murdoc looked down at the younger man who was now staring up at him through those blood and black colored eyes.

"Don' worry 'bout me luv, I'm more worried 'bout yew. Yer freezing cold, we should go back inside, let Noodle know yer alright."

2D smiled sadly and looked away. The Satanist began combing his fingers through the singer's hair wanting to comfort him. He never really knew how to bring him back when he was like this. He usually seemed like he was completely gone for hours and sometimes days at a time. Murdoc hadn't been raised to comfort others so it was a completely foreign thing to him, but he wanted to comfort 2D.

"Yew fink Noodle and Russ will still like me if we tell t'em 'bout us?"

"Why wouldn't t'ey, is t'at why yer out 'ere?" Murdoc asked feeling confused.

"Well I was finkin' 'bout it an' we been together fer a while now….I don' know, my parents don' even know t'at I like guys, and t'en I'm wit' yew an' I jus' feel like I'm hidin' somefink from everybody I care about…I don' wan' em bein' angry at me." 2D said as he continued staring down at the ground and tracing circles in the dirt.

"T'ey won' be angry wit' yew luv, if yew really wan' t'en we can go inside and tell Noodle and Russel…T'en yew can tell yer parents whenever yew wan'."

Murdoc didn't exactly want to tell anybody about them. He was scared that if anybody knew they were together then everybody would know when they broke up and would know why. He didn't want to hurt 2D like that emotionally or physically, but he felt that it was something that would just happen some day no matter what he did to stop it. He knew 2D's parents would flip the moment they found out their son was now sleeping with the man who hit him with a car and knocked out his front three teeth. He knew Noodle would probably become extra protective of the singer and more wary of Murdoc, Russel would probably think its some big sick abusive joke the Satanist was planning. Eventually everybody else in the world would find out which included his father and brother and a ton of females who would probably end up being completely repulsed by the bassist from that point on.

These were the thoughts that took up part of his time swirling around his head. He hated them; he hated people in general except for the man curled up at his side. It wasn't fair to 2D though making him keep something so simple and so important to him secret like it was a bad thing. He'd be content keeping it a secret all of his life, but he knew that wasn't healthy in the least. He really just hated seeing the singer so depressed.

"Yew sure, I know yew don' really wan' people knowin'." The younger man said sounding a bit hopeful.

Murdoc smiled and nodded in reply to the question, 2D wrapped his arms around Murdoc's neck hugging him closely. He held the younger man burying his face against the crook of his neck.

"I love yew Mu'doc"

"I love yew too 'D, now c'mon let's get back inside." He said pulling the younger man up to his feet.

He let 2D walk ahead of him so he could continue looking out for walkers. He saw a couple of them in the distance staggering around blindly, groaning in agony. He considered coming back out later in the night and shooting them, but it was only two of them. Unless the dead figured out a way to reproduce with each other he knew that they would be fine for awhile.

Once 2D walked into the rec room Noodle had her arms wrapped around his waist and was hugging him tightly.

"2D-san where have you been, we have been worried about you." She said as she pulled away and stared up at the two older men.

The singer patted her on the head ruffling her purple hair.

"I's okay little luv I was jus' out in t'e graveyard, sorry 'bout goin' out like t'at. Didn' mean to make yew worry." He said smiling down at the young girl.

"Where's Russ at anyways?" Murdoc asked as he looked around the room.

Noodle sighed and looked around.

"I think he is in the studio with his projects, I believe a crocodile this time. He has been a bit odd lately." She said sounding worried.

"Well go n' get 'im we got somethin' we need to talk to yew guys 'bout." Murdoc said just barely looking at the guitarist.

"Okay I will go get him." Noodle said before disappearing out of the room.

The bassist let out a long breath and went over to the couch sitting down. 2D sat down next to him and began running his fingers through his shaggy black hair.

"Yew sure yew wan' to?"

Murdoc looked over at him and smiled slightly.

"Yeah I'm sure pet; it's dumb keepin' somethin' like t'is from everybody."

It really was dumb keeping something as simple as a relationship from other people. Especially people he lived in a house with and had known for years now. As far as he was concerned letting people know he was with 2D was just another step to get himself farther away from being like his father, maybe some day he wouldn't be anything like the rotted old bastard.

Noodle came back in the room with Russel trailing behind her. His head was hung, white eyes wide and lifeless. He walked almost as slowly as the corpses out in the landfill, it was the same look he'd have when he was possessed and Del would come out during one of their videos or interviews. He watched as the large drummer sat down in a recliner and Noodle sat on the arm of it looking curiously at her other two band mates as if the drummer's behavior was completely normal.

"So what is it you want to talk about?"

"Well um yew know 'ow t'e two of us 'ave been actin' odd lately an' I 'aven't been drinkin' as much. Well erm…We've been…" Murdoc trailed off and looked down letting his hair hang over his eyes and began scratching at the back of his head nervously.

"We're datin'" 2D said finishing the older man's sentence.

The bassist looked over at him and the singer just shrugged.

"Do you mean you have been dating each other?" Noodle asked slowly as if she was scared that if she misunderstood the bassist would have a rage fit.

2D smiled and Murdoc sighed heavily.

"Yeah girlie we've been datin' each other fer awhile now." He said waiting for one of his two band mates to begin talking 2D out of the relationship.

The girl continued to look between the two of them for awhile making the Satanist feel more uncomfortable and on edge than he had before. If he had a gun on him he would have shot himself over a minute ago just to avoid this whole situation.

"That is great, but why did you not say anything before?"

Murdoc looked up and could feel his cheeks grow hot, 2D laughed.

"Well didn' know 'ow yew guys woul' react to it an' all yew know…I'm real sorry 'bout t'at t'ough Noodle. I 'ate keepin' stuff from yew guys, yer like family to me." The blue haired man said

"So yer okay wit' us bein' together?" Murdoc asked slowly still trying to adjust to the situation.

"Of course I am, you are my family. I love 2D-san like a big brother, Russel is like a father to me, and I do want to strangle you sometimes for your behavior and your attitude, but you are family as well Murdoc-san. So of course I am happy for the two of you." She said smiling

"Well now t'at we got t'at settled would ya min' tellin' me w'at t'e fuck is goin' on wit' fat arse over t'ere." The bassist said pointing at the larger man who sat staring off into nothing.

Noodle looked up at Russel with a worried expression.

"Well he has bee going in and out of I don't really know. I think there might be something else possessing him or maybe the exorcism had a bad effect on him, he does this sometimes. He will kind of disappear for a few hours, sometimes a few days."

"Great so 'e didn' 'ear a bloody t'ing we jus' said. Well I ain't repeatin' myself fer 'im." Murdoc growled as he folded his arms over his chest.

"I will tell him later when he is back."

"Wait is 'e gonna be broken up like t'is w'en we're on tour, I don' need some zombie drummer in my band w'en we're playin' shows."

Noodle sighed sounding frustrated; he knew she was getting pissed off. He didn't much care though, he really didn't want to go on tour and need a new drummer every show. He hated the idea of playing a show and half way through Russel just blanking out on them and having to go out and replace him until he was okay to play again, it'd be an annoying thing that would end up costing Murdoc far too much money.

"He can play drums just fine, he is not broken either. He is just going through something and I hope to figure out what is wrong and solve it before tour so you do not have to worry about your money." The young girl said sounding a bit past annoyed.

She took hold of Russel's over sized hand and guided him out of the room and back down the hall way. Probably going to take him back to his weird experiment, sometimes Murdoc felt like he was living in a b-horror movie. 2D's missing eyes, Noodle's child army life, his own Satanism, Russel's possession and his taxidermy obsession, and of course the gate to Hell in their home letting out all sorts of creatures. If he had any sanity left in him he'd probably hate it and it'd send him screaming, but it didn't bother him. This was his comfort zone where nobody judged him for idiotic things that weren't normal, if they hated him it was on personality alone.


	29. Chapter 29

Murdoc woke up whimpering softly, his head was pounding, and his heart was as well. He sat up and buried his face in his hands; he was drenched in cold sweat, and felt like hell. He had another nightmare; another abusive nightmare that he hoped wasn't a glimpse into his future. He didn't like sleeping anymore, he never got any peace out of it, and he still felt weird about telling Noodle about him dating 2D the day before. He tried shaking the images of the dream from his mind, but it was firmly in place determined to drive him further into insanity.

"Wot's wrong?" 2D asked his voice soft, he combed his fingers through the bassist damp hair.

"Jus' a nightmare, it's nothin' don' worry 'bout it." He mumbled hoping the younger man would just go back to sleep.

He kind of considered getting up and going down to the landfill and picking off some zombies. He didn't even wally want to look at 2D right now, he felt guilty as hell even if it was just another nightmare.

Hands tugged at his wrists urging him to pull his hands away from his face. Murdoc sighed and wrapped his arms around his legs pulling them up against his chest; he glanced over at the singer from beneath his fringed hair.

"Yew were cryin' in yer sleep, wot's goin on?" The blue haired man asked sounding concerned.

"It's jus' stupid…I keep 'avin' nightmares t'at I'm hurtin' yew, no real reason fer it. I jus hurt yew really bad like almost….Like almos' kill yew and yew'll be askin' me to stop an' I won' cause I can't. It's like somethin' wrong wit' me like somethin' else makin' me do it and I'm always so angry an' I don' wanna 'urt yew…I'm losin' my bloody mind."

Murdoc ran his fingers back through his hair and groaned in frustration. He felt a hand rubbing his back soothingly and tried his best not to tense at the touch.

"It's jus' a nightmare, I know yew wouldn' do t'at to me."

The Satanist shook his head and closed his eyes tightly trying to push the images away.

"No it's no'…I told ya 'ow my brother and my dad used to beat me, a lot, and every man in my family beat their wives until t'e birds jus' couldn' take it or ended up dead. I'm gonna be like t'em no matter w'at I do I'm gonna end up jus' like t'em. Yew don' deserve to go t'rough all of t'at, I love yew too much." He said finally looking at the younger man's face into his worried black eyes.

"Yew aren' like yer dad, not at all, or yer brother; from all t'e stuff yew say 'bout t'em yer nofink like t'em and I know yew never will be. Yer better t'an t'em Mu'doc, I know t'at yew are….It's jus' a nightmare, all nightmares." 2D whispered as he combed his fingers through the older man's hair in a comforting matter.

"I can' control it 'D…When it 'appens, I ever 'it yew I want yew to jus' leave, okay? Jus' get t'e hell outta t'e house and never come back. I love yew too much to put yew t'rough t'at much abuse." Murdoc said looking away again.

"I'm not goin' anywhere, ever, okay? Stop talkin' like yer goin somewhere, I'm wit' yew until t'e end; I don' want anybody else. I know yew can' 'elp yer schizophrenia or anyfink like t'at, bu' I know yew woul' never mean it if yew did 'urt me. I love yew a lot and I woul' never jus' abandon yew, okay?"

Murdoc nodded slowly. He didn't want to hurt him; he just wanted to see the singer happy. He just felt like the day would come that he would be completely out of his mind and end up doing something he would regret until his dying day. He would do everything in his power to keep himself from it, but he couldn't control a slip of his mind and his actions.

He felt lips against the side of his neck and sighed leaning his head to the side giving the vocalist more access. He felt teeth trying to nip at his skin and smiled at the younger man's attempt at giving him a hickey.

"Y'know it's really 'ard to do t'at wit' teeth missin." The singer said pulling away and blushing slightly.

Murdoc laughed and shook his head, he combed his fingers through 2D's hair then moved in biting at the side of his neck drawing a soft whimper from his lover before pulling away grinning up at him.

"Sorry 'bout yer teeth luv." He said smiling slightly.

"It's okay, wanna go back to sleep t'en?" The younger man asked as he lay back down on the bed.

The Satanist nodded and lay down next to him curling up against his side resting his head on 2D's chest. The singer held him tightly, running his fingers along his upper arm tracing his tattoos.

"I love yew, never forget t'at, no matter w'at I do or say to yew I really do love yew Stu."

"I know Mu'doc, I love yew too."


	30. Chapter 30

Murdoc woke up still pressed against 2D's side; he looked at the sleeping man and smiled slightly. It was still weird for him feeling love for somebody else, he didn't even fear the blue haired man abandoning him. He had his fears, but he didn't want to think about them right now, or ever honestly.

He pulled away from the other man's loose grip and got out of the bed making his way into the connected bathroom. He went over to the shower and turned the hot water on watching as the water spilled out from the shower head pounding against the shower floor. He wandered over to the sink and looked into the mirror that hung above it while he waited for the water to turn hot. He was never one to be extremely pleased with his looks, but he could generally distract himself and others from his flaws with his charm and cleverness.

He studied his sharp almost fang like teeth, abnormally long pointed tongue, and mismatched eyes. He wondered what the hell in his genetics even gave him his teeth and tongue, he wondered if at some point there were demonic beings somewhere in his blood line. He smirked at the thought, maybe he was just born hell bound, and it always felt that way.

He went back over to the shower placing his hand under the spray pleased that the water was no longer freezing. He'd always preferred hot, it burned at his skin. He stepped into the stall closing the glass door most of the way. He bowed his head letting the water pout over the back of his head and roll down his back in waves, he sighed at the feeling of it. He let his mind wander and for once he wasn't thinking about the harm he could possibly cause his boyfriend. His thoughts would go back to memories of his brother beating him until he was seconds away from death or to his father's nearly constant drug binging. Those were thoughts that generally plagued his mind no matter what he was doing, the memories bothered him, but they didn't seem real. It was almost like he was recalling something that he saw on a TV show, when he'd bring things up in interviews he'd notice the interviewers cringe or look at him with pity. He hated their pity; he never liked people feeling bad for him and what he'd lived through.

He felt arms wrap around his waist and a body press up against him from behind, his muscles tensed, but quickly relaxed at the familiar touch. He looked down at the pale fingers roaming across his chest and stomach, he sighed when he felt lips against his shoulder blades.

"Hey luv, sleep well?" Murdoc asked letting out a low moan at the feeling of a tongue against his skin.

"I did, 'ow bout yew, anymore nightmares?"

"No, no more nightmares, glad yew aren' tired of my crazy arse." The bassist said laughing as he turned around to face the taller man.

"I coul' never get bored of yew" 2D said before leaning down and kissing him passionately.

Murdoc pressed the singer back against the shower wall as he slipped his tongue into his mouth; he let his hands wander over the younger man's body occasionally raking his nails against his skin eliciting small groans and whimpers from his partner. A leg wrapped around him pulling his body closer, long fingers tangling in his hair as the younger man kissed him more roughly. He dug his nails into 2D's side causing him to whimper in response, the bassist broke away from the kiss and latched onto the vocalist neck kissing and sucking at his wet skin.

He groaned at the feeling of fingers digging into his scalp and couldn't help, but let out a long moan when the pianist took hold of his hardened dick and began stroking him. Murdoc pulled back and looked up at the younger man; 2D was looking down at him smirking. His black eyes looked somehow darker, bloodier, and devious as hell. Murdoc tangled his fingers in his wet blue hair and pulled his head down kissing him hungrily, their tongues battled for dominance, and occasionally the Satanist would bite roughly at the singer's lower lip drawing blood. He bucked his hips trying to get more of the feeling of the hand wrapped around him, twisting, and pulling, his body jerked when he felt a thumb brush over the tip.

2D broke away from the kiss both of them panting and looking at each other through lust filled eyes. He watched as the younger man lowered himself onto his knees, Murdoc tangled his fingers in his hair and watched as the singer took his dick into his mouth. He still had his hand wrapped around the base of his dick while his mouth worked the rest, tongue pressing and sliding against his length. The bassist bit at his lower lip to keep from moaning as he watched the singer and his bloodied eyes that were locked on his.

"Fuck 'D, yer way too fuckin' good at t'is."

The singer mumbled something around him sending vibrations through the older man's body that made him shudder. 2D pulled back a little letting his hand work most of the other man's length while he worked his tongue around the head.

Murdoc closed his eyes tightly letting out moans and low growls as he began coming into the singer's mouth. The younger man took more of him in sucking harder urging the older man through his climax. He leaned his head back muttering obscenities between desperate moans.

The heat that had been on his dick disappeared causing Murdoc to let out a small groan at the loss of contact; he felt lips pressing against his stomach, chest, then neck. He opened his eyes and looked at the taller man who stood grinning down at him. They kissed lazily, 2D pushed his tongue inside of the older man's mouth, and he could taste himself on the vocalist tongue.

"Fuck I love yew, remind me to repay yew fer t'at later today." Murdoc muttered as he pressed his lips against the singer's chest.

"I will, I'm still fascinated by t'at tongue of yers. It's real weird, bu' I like it a lot."

The bassist pulled back and stuck his tongue out at full length, he noticed the singer blushing.

"I'm glad yew enjoy it luv, I'm gonna go get some whiskey from t'e kitchen, wan' anything?"

"No fanks, bu' I might drink wit' yew t'ough." 2D said smiling

Murdoc kissed him quickly before stepping out of the shower stall and going back into the bedroom.

He picked his jeans up off of the floor and pulled them on as well as his discarded shirt. He really wasn't sure if it was night time or day time, they'd spent most of the day in 2D's room talking, sleeping, and having sex. It seemed like most of their time together was dedicated to those things, always in the Winnie or in the singer's room away from everybody else. It wasn't that they wanted to ignore their band mates, it was just they liked being away from everybody. Murdoc wondered if now that their friends knew if it'd be easier.

He wouldn't have to pretend to dislike the singer, he could hold his hand, kiss him, run his fingers through his hair, and anything else he wanted to do just out of pure habit. He always wondered what would have happened if Paula hadn't come back all that time ago, if it had just stayed him and 2D. Hell he doubted he even would have met the rest of the band, there would have been no reason to, they would have just stayed in their small flat writing songs and shagging. Murdoc craved fame and the attention of others; it was in his nature whether they hated him or loved him he just needed the attention. He could have been somewhat happy though just staying at that flat with 2D never really going anywhere, just caught up in their own little world.

As he passed by one of the windows he saw that it looked dark out, but it almost always looked dark here. There were different shades of darkness and from what he could see it was probably late afternoon.

He made his way into the kitchen and over to the cabinet where he kept his booze. He grabbed the first bottle of whiskey he saw sitting on the shelf and was about ready to leave when a loud voice broke the silence in the room causing him to jump backwards and nearly drop the bottle he held in his hand.

"What are you doing in here?" Russel asked as he stared at the older man, his white eyes had a glow to them.

At least he wasn't in that stupid coma thing of his he kept going into.

"Don't do t'at, yew scared t'e fuckin' 'ell out of me. T'is is my 'ouse an' I came 'ere for some booze, gotta problem wit' t'at lard arse? I shoul' ask w'at yew are doin' sittin in a dark room scarin' t'e piss outta me." Murdoc yelled back angrily.

He hated being scared, unaware, snuck up on. These were things kids at school and his brother had always done to him. Finding him when he wasn't really on alert and beating him into the ground, it left him with a sense of paranoia.

"Noodle told me that you and 'D are dating or something, mind telling me what that's about."

The bassist studied the larger man, but couldn't see anything past his usual annoyed expression and glowing headlight like eyes. Murdoc leaned back against the counter and opened the bottle taking a drink from it.

"We're datin' w'at else yew wan' me to tell ya?"

"You the man who has had sex with most of the women in this state and half of England is dating the guy who's girlfriend you screwed and the same guy you beat the crap out of on a near daily basis. I don't buy it, what are you really up to?" The drummer asked as if he was seeing through some great scheme.

Murdoc tightened his grip on the bottle and gritted his teeth. Sometimes he wanted to beat the shit out of the possessed man, he was smart, but he was always so weird about the bassist and his habits.

"I only shagged t'at bitch to get her outta t'e band and she wasn't any fuckin' good fer him anyways. She was always treatin' 'im bad, cheatin' on him and tryin to get wit' me. I got problems wit' my anger so fuckin' w'at, I 'aven't laid a hand on 'im like t'at since he got outta t'e hospital."

Russel looked at him, studying him, Murdoc wanted to strangle him. Claw his fucking white colored eyes out of his over sized head.

"I don't buy it man, you're a womanizer. You always flipped your shit when somebody asked if you're gay and always start bashing and shit. I don't buy it, especially since it's 2D." he said crossing his arms over his chest.

The Satanist took a deep breath trying to keep himself from murdering the man in front of him.

"Look Russ do yew really t'ink t'at I would do somethin' like t'at? Do yew t'ink fer one fuckin' minute t'at I woul' actually go and pretend I'm in love wit' 'im for months jus' so I coul' go and say it's a joke? I may be sick mate, but I'm not t'at fucking sick."

Russel looked at him for awhile longer before sighing.

"It's still weird, not that you're with a guy…Well that's weird, but mostly cause it's you. Look if this does turn out to be a joke or you put the boy in the hospital again I will break your nose and every single bone in your green skinned body, you got that?"

Murdoc could see the threat in his white eyes, he felt slightly threatened, but he didn't plan on doing anything like that. He felt more annoyed at the assumption this was a joke or he would want to do something to really hurt the singer.

"Got it, now stop stalkin' 'round my fuckin' kitchen." Murdoc yelled before walking quickly out of the room.

He had been surprised Noodle hadn't warned him or threatened him about this. He was actually shocked that she seemed simply happy that her band mates found somebody. Russel's response was expected, he couldn't blame him of course. He couldn't blame anybody who thought this was just some weird prank or some new abuse method the Satanist was trying out. He felt sickened at the thought, but pushed it away. He really was a prick if people couldn't even trust him to be in a relationship with somebody, if they'd seen him with 2D before Kong they'd probably think differently. Hell they probably would have thought they were dating, back before the band, and before Paula.

He cleared all of the thoughts from his mind as he stepped into the singer's room closing and locking the door behind him. 2D sat on the bed with his back against the wall and his flick knife out twirling it in his hand watching the metal shine in fascination. Murdoc sat down next to him and handed him the bottle.

"Fanks, wot took so long t'ough?" 2D asked before taking a long drink from the bottle then handing it back to the older man.

"Russ was in t'e kitchen, wanted to talk to me." He muttered

"Oh, he upset wit' me?" The singer asked

Murdoc looked at him and shook his head, he had no idea how the blue haired man kept thinking everybody was upset with him. They all had their times of being annoyed with him when it came to his stupidity level at times, but other than that they all cared for him.

"No, 'course not, 'e wanted to talk to me 'bout our relationship. No big deal jus' makin' sure I ain't jus' usin' yew or somethin'."

"T'at's silly, yer kinda a prick sometimes, bu' I know yew wouldn' do somethin' like t'at." 2D said before taking another drink.

The Satanist took the bottle away.

"T'anks luv nice to know yew t'ink I'm a prick too." He said smiling.

"Is 'e okay wit' us bein' together t'ough?"

"As long as I don' 'urt yew, cheat on yew, or anythin' like t'at t'en he's fine wit' it." Murdoc said wrapping his arm around the singer's shoulders.

2D curled up against his side leaning his head on his shoulder.

"I know yew won' do any of t'ose fings."

Murdoc kissed the top of his head and gave a light squeeze to his arm. He hoped he wouldn't do any of those things either.


	31. Chapter 31

"I bought somethin' for yew." Murdoc whispered against the side of 2D's neck.

2D pulled back and looked down at the older man smiling happily.

"Really, wot did yew get for me?"

"Close yer eyes"

The younger man tilted his head to the side staring down curiously at the older man for a second before closing his eyes. Murdoc smiled to himself as he pulled the long silver chain out of his jeans pocket. He moved so that he was kneeling behind the singer and placed the chain around his neck fastening the clasp at the back.

"A'right yew can open 'em now luv." He said stroking his fingers through the younger man's hair.

2D opened his eyes and looked down at the inverted cross that hung from the thin silver chain. He ran his fingers over the symbol eyeing it in fascination; he held it up closer examining it and the way the light shined off of it. Murdoc pressed his lips against the side of his neck placing soft kisses and occasionally biting at the skin.

"Do yew like it?"

The singer turned and wrapped his arms around the bassist hugging him tightly.

"Fank yew, I love it Mu'doc, t'is is so incredible." The younger man said happily as he pulled away still smiling as he looked down at his boyfriend.

"Good, I wanted to do somethin' nice for yew. It's t'e best I could t'ink of y'know, kinda wanted to make up for ever makin' yew feel like shit an' stuff like t'at. Yew mean a lot to me Stu, yew really do." Murdoc whispered as he ran his fingers through the younger man's blue hair.

"I love yew, yew don' 'ave to make up for anyfink." 2D said before kissing the Satanist.

He ran his hands up under the back of the pianist shirt letting his nails lightly rake against his skin causing him to arch his back slightly. 2D pushed the smaller man back on the couch as they kissed more passionately, their bodies pressed firmly together. Murdoc groaned at the sensation of nails biting into his hips, he bit at the taller man's lower lip drawing a low moan from him.

He was really grateful that Russel and Noodle were out of the house for the next few days. He liked the alone time especially since the drummer seemed so paranoid that Murdoc would do something wrong or slip up showing that he didn't really care about 2D. The possessed man's paranoia got to him, but not too much. He didn't have anything to hide; he wasn't doing anything wrong here.

The singer sat back on his knees pulling his shirt up over his head and dropping it behind the couch. Murdoc sat up gripping onto the younger man's hips pulling him onto his lap; he leaned in running his tongue across his collar bones then down the center of his chest. The younger man whimpered and moaned at the sensations, his moans increasing when Murdoc's tongue would flick or curl around one of his nipples. He laid the singer down on his back and worked his way down his body occasionally biting at the skin on his stomach and ribs. He rubbed his hand against the bulge in his jeans smirking as the other man's back arched and his hips jerked with each movement of the bassist hand.

Murdoc pulled back and unfastened the younger man's jeans pushing them down to his knees. He wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock lightly squeezing and stroking him a few times before lowering his head and slowly wrapping his tongue around the vocalist length. He couldn't help, but chuckle at the loud moan and the curse words 2D let out as his black eyes watched the long tongue wrapping around him. The bassist flicked the tip of his tongue over the slit of the taller man's dick watching the rise and fall of his chest, the caving in of his stomach with each quick inhale, and the way that he bucked his hips up trying to get more of the tongue wrapped around him.

The Satanist pulled his tongue back giving one slow swipe across the head of the singer's dick before taking him into his mouth. He groaned at the feeling of nails digging into his shoulder blade, his free hand rubbed at the younger man's balls while the other worked his dick in time with his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down the singer's length, his eyes were locked on the other man and those half lidded black orbs that were trying to stay focused on him and his movements. His eyes caught on the silver inverted cross resting on the younger man's chest moving in time with his quick breathing, the metal gleaming in the light of the rec room. Murdoc let out a low growl causing 2D to curse loudly and dig his nails deeper into the older man's skin.

He took more of the younger man into his mouth sucking harder while his tongue stroked up and down the under side of his length urging him into climax. Seconds later 2D was coming inside of his mouth, his body tense, head tossed back, back arched, and muttered curse words falling from his mouth. Murdoc pulled back a bit as he swallowed the blue haired man's seed waiting until he was completely finished to finally pull back. He tucked the singer back into his jeans then moved up his body tangling his fingers in his hair jerking his head forward and kissing him roughly darting his tongue into his mouth allowing him to taste himself. 2D pulled his body closer to his own kissing back just as roughly, his nails biting into the bassist skin causing him to groan.

They broke from the kiss panting and smiling lazily at each other. 2D lightly ran his fingers over the older man's right cheek looking into his eyes, Murdoc always felt strange when he did that it was like he could see things that the bassist had locked away in his mind or things he wasn't even aware of. 2D brushed the fringe away from Murdoc's face exposing him completely, he could feel himself blushing.

"I love yew, no matter wot." 2D muttered before kissing him softly letting his hair fall back into place.

"I know luv, I'll do my best." He whispered in reply smiling weakly.


	32. Chapter 32

The touring for Demon Days went better than tour for their fist album. Mostly because Murdoc didn't even really feel a need to act a certain way, he didn't feel like he had to hook up with every girl at every show. They offered of course, but he generally turned them down, or ignored them completely. Sometimes after the first five shows he noticed 2D would watch him in what he thought was a discreet manner curious as to if Murdoc would actually take up on an offer just to keep people from thinking something was going on. He'd noticed the relieved smile on the singer's face when he turned the women down every time and of course their utter shock and confusion at the generally extremely sexual bassist turning them and their very adventurous offers away. He had a fear that touring would kill him, that being around so many women wanting to have sex with him would result in cheating, but it hadn't. If anything he kind of noticed how pathetic some of the girls were, how some of them didn't even listen to his music, or know his name. He noticed a lot of their flaws and it just made him hang around 2D more. He'd ignore most of the groupies and instead would stand off to the side smoking a cigarette and talking to the fans who didn't want something of him.

Another good thing was that he didn't have to make up reasons to share a hotel room with 2D. He didn't have to sneak into a restroom to make out with the younger man, he didn't really want fans and random strangers knowing they were together, but his band mates didn't care. He noticed Noodle for the most part seemed off in her own little world which sometimes he thought consisted of more bad than good. While Russel watched him closely, waiting for him to fuck up, or to show some sign that this was all a sociopathic abuse tactic. He didn't know what he had to do to get the drummer to understand that he wasn't using the vocalist.

Murdoc lay on the hotel bed staring up at the way too white ceiling as thoughts made their way through his tired mind. His thoughts would jump from his childhood, school, what his future would be if he even got the chance to have one, and then it all just ended up back on Stuart. He wondered how the blue haired zombie boy would react when the demons finally came for Murdoc. He hoped that whenever the demons did come to drag him off to Hell that 2D wouldn't be anywhere around, he didn't need to fucking see that. It wasn't like the bassist planned on going willingly, hang his head and go down to Hell in shame so he could be tortured for eternity. He wasn't that kind of man, he would fight them in every way that he could and he would find a way to get away from the grimy little fuckers.

If he couldn't though and if they really did take him away to Hell then 2D would be left alone. In some weird way it was like the singer had known Murdoc all of his life, the life that he started with two bloodied eyes, Murdoc had been the person really there. He had taken care of him when he'd basically been a corpse and was the one to hold him the first time he saw his new appearance and couldn't handle it. He was like Dr. Frankenstein and 2D was his creation and the thought of leaving him killed him, it actually kind of scared him. With every show, record sold, and music video released he noticed Gorillaz getting more and more famous. The Devil's contract was there in his mind's eye taunting him telling him of his situation. He lived in a house that was basically built right over Hell, a nice little doorway to the place all horrid people went. He desperately wanted a way out of it, just avoid it, but he couldn't think of one.

It was so weird how his mind went from the ways he could hurt 2D by physically abusing him then to the ways he could destroy him mentally by just disappearing off of the face of the Earth.

He felt something on his stomach and his body tensed, fingers combed back through his hair and he lowered his eyes to see said singer sitting on his stomach looking at him worried.

"Its jus' me, yew okay luv?" The younger man asked as he continued stroking his fingers calmingly through the older man's hair.

"Y-yeah, yeah I'm fine….I was jus' t'inkin 'bout some t'ings, nothin' too important. Where 'ave yew been at all night, feel like I've barely seen yew today." Murdoc whispered as he stroked the side of the younger man's face.

He smiled softly as the singer leaned into his touch his cheek resting against the palm of his hand. He never wanted to leave him; he wanted to be there forever.

"Jus' talked to some fans n' stuff t'en wen' ou' wit' Noods and Russ. He was askin' 'bout us an' fings like t'at, makin' sure I really wanted to be wit' yew and everyfink."

Murdoc frowned at the statement finally pushing his afterlife fears to the back of his mind so he could focus on his annoyance towards his band's drummer.

"W'at'd yew tell 'im?"

"T'at I love yew a lot an' t'at I know yew aren' lyin to me or nofink like t'at. I tol' 'im to stop worryin' 'bout me and finkin' yer abusin' me or somefink cause yew 'aven't 'urt me once….I tol' 'im t'at I don' need to be careful aroun' yew and t'at I know yew really love me too."

2D leaned down placing a kiss against the older man's bare chest before pulling back and grinning down at him.

"So did he finally shut 'is face t'en?"

The singer shook his head and frowned slightly.

Murdoc sighed and ran his fingers down along the side of the younger man's neck smiling at the way he turned his head to the side and shivered at the light touch against his skin. He ran his fingers along the cool metal of the inverted cross that hung from around the younger man's neck; he loved when people asked 2D about it. Wondering if he was a Satanist now too, they had no clue it was just Murdoc's subtle way of showing everybody that this was his boyfriend.

"He'll shut up eventually, 'e cares 'bout yew….Kinda like yer a brother to 'im and Noodle is like a daughter to 'im, Russel is real protective of people 'e cares about." The Satanist said allowing himself to defend the possessed man.

He couldn't get angry at him about anything as much as he wanted to; he understood where Russel was coming from. He understood he was going through some strange off and on limbo with the demons and spirits vacating his mind, he did give credit that he'd only blacked out during three interviews, and twice during their last concert. He had expected far more episodes for the drummer, but so far it seemed under decent control.

"Why don' 'e care 'bout yew too t'ough?"

Murdoc sat up and placed his hands on the singer's back pulling him onto his lap, their bodies pressed together. He ran his fingers through 2D's hair looking up at his confused expression and dark eyes.

"I'm not too easy to care 'bout luv an' I don' make it easy either. If yew haven' noticed t'at yet, Russ knows me well 'nough to get I don' need 'im protectin' me like 'e does wit' yew and Noodle."

"I don' care if 'e trust yew or not, I love yew a lot, and t'ats all I really care 'bout."

"I love yew too Stu, y'know it's gonna be real Hell when other people find out 'bout us." Murdoc said before nipping at the blue haired man's neck.

"I don' care, I know my parents won' be too 'appy 'bout it…Not really 'bout me bein wit' another bloke, bu' cause it's yew….I don' really care if people don' like it or not, I shouln' 'ave to either."

The Satanist smiled before giving another bite to his boyfriend's neck.

"Jus' lettin' yew know luv, I'll be right by yer side t'ough whenever t'e bloody bastards find out 'bout us; if anybody tries to 'urt yew I'll cut 'em."

Murdoc knew how people were; he'd been one of those people. He came from a family full of those types of people, the ones that no matter what they did they would judge everybody else. He knew his own life would be Hell, but so many people already wanted to see him dead that it didn't really matter to him much. 2D on the other hand wasn't really accustomed to idiotic questions and rude comments based on something as stupid as who you were in love with. It was one of the many hells Murdoc hated putting him through, but the singer seemed determined to endure every single one just as long as he had the bassist with him. Again his mind went to his earlier thoughts of his mortality if he could even consider that…The day they'd drag him down to Hell alive to torture him, murder him, and take his soul. He was just grateful that whenever that day came he wouldn't have to see the singer's expression when he'd find out Murdoc was gone.


	33. Chapter 33

It was one of those moments where your mind just shuts down; you close out everything and everybody around you. Murdoc had a lot of those moments in his life usually moments where he'd finally fight back with his father or moments where he'd stood up to somebody bullying him. Moments where he blacked out almost completely, watching what he was doing from a different point of view, but he wasn't able to stop himself from whatever he was doing. Once he came back he never regretted the moments even if they resulted in black eyes or broken bones, but this was different; this wasn't an act of violence and he wasn't sure if he'd regret it or not.

The crowd was going crazy like at every show they had played in the past couple of weeks, he watched with mild amusement at the girls trying to climb their way on stage to touch one of the members of the band. Murdoc kept looking at his band mates; Russel was blacked out again with his head bowed and playing the drums in that almost mechanical way he did when he was mentally gone. Noodle was hopping around the stage grinning wildly at the cheers and the sound of the kids in the crowd screaming along to the song. 2D stood near the front with microphone in hand sometimes jumping around, but mostly leaning over the stage looming over the crowd smirking as the girls tried to grab for him.

Murdoc couldn't stop looking at him; it'd been that way for most of the concerts. He was fascinated by his energy with most of the songs, the sometimes devious look he'd have on his face and how his spiked hair would fall over his face near the end of every show. He usually ended up going off in his mind and fantasizing about the singer, touching him, tasting him, and kissing him. Before he knew it the show would be over and he'd realize he'd spent most of it thinking about 2D.

As far as Murdoc knew they only had half a song left right now and then they'd be done. His mind was going to its usual places, thinking about how they'd made out in the small restroom, and how before leaving for the concert hall they'd had sex in the shower.

Sometimes 2D would glance over him and smirk before returning his attention to the screaming crowd. The bassist tried to return his attention to the show, but he couldn't. Before he could even realize what he was doing he was already just two steps away from the taller man standing behind him. Murdoc draped an arm over the younger man's shoulder; he ran his hand over 2D's chest just barely digging his finger tips into the material of his shirt. The singer turned his head and looked back at the older man questioning his actions; the Satanist only smirked at the confused look.

Murdoc moved his hand from 2D's chest up to the side of his neck lightly running his jagged nails over his skin causing the younger man's voice to hit a wrong pitch. He placed his hand firmly on the back of the younger man's head turning his head to the side so they were facing each other now. He leaned in crashing his lips against 2D's kissing him frantically, he felt the body against his tense, but quickly relax. The blue haired man began kissing him back whimpering softly as Murdoc's tongue forced its way into his mouth. He could hear the screams from the crowd; he wanted to listen to what they were saying. He knew that a lot of them sounded shocked and a few sounded repulsed, if anything it only made him tighten his grip on 2D's hair while he kissed him more hungrily.

He felt a hand on his cheek fingers gently digging against his skin, with that Murdoc pulled away and strode back to the other side of the stage like nothing had happened. It felt like every eye on stage and off of the stage was on him, watching him, and confused as Hell. He couldn't help, but smile at all the people staring at him. Murdoc had always loved the attention of others whether it was negative or other wise. He could find reasons to automatically regret his action, but he wasn't one really built for regret. He knew everybody would find out about him and 2D eventually so why not show them in the most direct way possible?


	34. Chapter 34

"Murdoc-san you do know a lot of people were taking pictures and filming you two, right?" Noodle asked as she looked at the Satanist like he was more mentally off than usual.

The four of them sat in a booth table in the corner of a nearly vacant restaurant; Murdoc sat with 2D next to him the younger man's hand over his gripping it. Noodle sat next to a rather confused and annoyed looking Russel who kept looking between his three band mates. It had been hell trying to get away from the concert hall after their little act on stage; Murdoc had ended up punching two different guys in the face.

"Yeah I know luv, I kinda figured t'ey would." He said smirking.

"A few people seemed rather angry too, I didn't figure you would do something like that." The guitarist said shaking her head and blushing slightly.

"I didn' fink 'e woul' either, I almos' passed ou' actually." 2D said laughing.

The singer moved so that he was seated on the bassist lap and his head was leaning against his chest. Murdoc wrapped his arm around the taller man holding him closely; Russel looked at the two of them like they had gone insane.

"Okay so would you guys mind telling me what in hell I missed?" Russel finally asked sounding a bit beyond agitated.

"Murdoc kissed 2D-san on stage near the end of our set, you were blacked out." Noodle explained just barely looking up from behind her hair that obscured most of her face.

"You realize that could have just lost us a few fans and get some major psychos after you two, right?"

"s'not my problem t'ey're fuckin' idiots, let 'em stop listenin to my music I don' give a fuck."

Russel raised an eyebrow as he stared at the older man, Murdoc just smirked at him.

"Seriously what do you have to gain from making out with 'D on stage, I don't get it." He said shaking his head.

"Nothin' as far as I know, I jus' felt like kissin' 'im. Got a problem wit' t'at fat arse?"

"Yeah I got a problem with it. I got a problem with you doing your stupid shock factor bull shit and using 2D as a prop, do you know what kind of shit he's going to get once people start seeing pictures and video of that?"

Murdoc bit at the inside of his mouth to keep from just lunging across the table and wrapping his hands around the drummer's thick neck and strangling him to death. 2D sat up and turned his attention to Russel.

"Mu'doc isn' usin' me for nofink, 'e actually cares 'bout me y'know an' I'm getting' real tired of yew actin' like 'e doesn' care. He kissed me cause 'e wanted to kiss me, no othe' reason t'an t'at, yew really need to stop finkin' t'at 'e's usin' me."

"This is Murdoc we're talking about; you're the same asshole that keeps messing with all of those demons and rituals constantly. You've had sex with probably half of the female population in a year alone and now you suddenly care about another guy and especially 2D….Look 'D I don't care if you get with a guy, do what makes you happy man, but you're like a little brother to me, and I don't need you getting with some old sick fucker who's going to hurt you for his own personal gain."

Murdoc could feel the younger man's body tense, he squeezed his arm gently. 2D looked back at him his black eyes narrowed, but he faked a smile before hanging his head letting his blue hair fall over his face.

"Russel-san I know as well as you that Murdoc is well himself, I love 2D very much, but maybe you should just let them be. I understand you want to protect him, but he seems rather happy with Murdoc."

Russel ran his large hands over his face and groaned. Part of Murdoc had to kind of enjoy how insane these things drove the drummer. They'd never had a great friendship; it mostly consisted of Murdoc finding a million new ways to piss him off. He did hate the drummer actually thought he would use 2D that way or that he was completely incapable of feeling things a normal human being felt. He wasn't used to actually confronting and dealing with normal emotions, but he could still feel them.

"I keep tellin' ya mate; I'm not usin' 'im, I actually like bein' wit' him. It isn' like us datin' is completely new or somethin', I'm mildly offended yew actually t'ink I woul' use 'im like t'at." Murdoc said feigning offense.

The larger man stared at him in disbelief; it was like he was so annoyed he didn't know how to handle it anymore.

"You're offended? Do I even have to name all of the things we have been sued over because of you offending people? Look I'll put it this way like I did last time we talked about this; you hurt him physically or emotionally and I break every bone in that scrawny green ass body of yours. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah I got it" Murdoc replied smirking.

2D nestled back against the bassist burying his face against his chest, he smiled down at him.

"Yew don' really gotta worry 'bout anyfink Russ, I've always trusted Mu'doc, an' I know 'e won' do nofink to 'urt me."

"There's still gonna be some back lash when more people find out about this." Russel said seeming less angry and more so concerned now.

"If t'ey say anythin' or touch 2D t'en I'll stab t'em, t'at shoul' take care of it." The Satanist said as he wrapped his arms around the younger man holding him protectively.

"So on top of law suits we get arrests now too, great." Russel said before placing his hands on his face and sighing.


	35. Chapter 35

Murdoc was laying on the large hotel bed with 2D on top of him his fingers playing over the older man's bare chest and stomach. The bassist ran his fingers through the younger man's hair. Murdoc leaned up kissing the taller man slowly; he placed his hand on the back of his head tangling his fingers in his blue hair. 2D wrapped his arms around the bassist neck as the kiss deepened then ended a few seconds later.

"I'd do anything for yew, y'know t'at?" Murdoc asked before laying the taller man back onto the bed and getting on top of him.

"I know Muds"

The Satanist began kissing along the side of 2D's neck.

"I'll do anythin' jus' to see yew happy….Whatever yew wan' I'll do it."

"Really?" 2D asked as he looked up at the older man curiously.

"Yeah, really"

The blue haired man switched their positions so that he was now on top, 2D ran his fingers through Murdoc's hair pushing his fringe out of his face.

"I'd like for yew to stop finkin' so much, yew always stare off an' get really sad…I wan' yew to be 'ere wit' me more." He whispered before placing a kiss against the older man's forehead.

"I'll try, sorry 'bout t'at by t'e way….I jus' got a lot of t'ings I end up worrying about."

"Like wot?"

Murdoc sighed and looked away from the younger man who looked down at him awaiting an answer.

"Jus' I don' wanna hurt yew, I definitely don't wanna turn out like my dad." Murdoc said smiling sadly

2D leaned down kissing his chest.

"Yer not like yer dad, not at all, yer way better t'an 'im….I jus' wanna see yew 'appy."

"I'm happy wit' yew, jus' scared too" The older man replied sighing heavily

The singer ran his fingers lightly over the bassist cheek then over his lower lip; he pulled his hand back then leaned down kissing him softly.

Murdoc lightly raked his nails against the younger man's back grinning as the other man arched his back at the touch. 2D pulled back and laid down next to the bassist curling up against his side, Murdoc wrapped an arm around him holding him tightly.

"I love yew Stu"

"I love yew too Murdoc"


	36. Chapter 36

2D's hands tugged and pulled at the older man's shirt while they kissed frantically. Murdoc stepped back and grinned up at the younger man as he removed his black shirt dropping it onto the dirty bathroom floor. He pressed the blue haired man back against the sink gripping tightly to his hips pressing their bodies tightly together. The singer's nails dug into his back, Murdoc bit at his lower lip drawing a low moan from his boyfriend. His breath caught in his throat when he felt a hand on his groin rubbing and groping. 2D smiled against his lips at the Satanist reaction, Murdoc slipped his tongue into the other man's mouth enjoying the taste of cigarettes.

2D broke away from the kiss panting and smiling lazily.

"Yew fink we actually 'ave time to do anyfink before we gotta go on stage?" The singer asked giving a glance towards the restroom door.

Murdoc smirked as he ran one sharp nail down the side of the younger man's neck.

"Yeah we got time luv an' don' worry nobody will walk in on us…If t'ey do who cares?"

He latched onto the other man's neck drawing another moan from the pianist. The bassist reached down quickly unfastening 2D's jeans and pushing them down to his knees; he moved back to his mouth kissing him roughly before breaking away completely. Murdoc grabbed onto the younger man's shoulders turning him around so that he was leaning over the sink facing one of the cracked and dirtied mirrors on the wall. He ran his nails down the middle of 2D's back watching his reflection in the mirror smiling at the way the younger man bit at his lower lip to keep from moaning.

"Yew ready luv?" The bassist asked as he unfastened his own jeans pushing them to his knees.

"Yeah I'm ready" The younger man responded nodding and lowering his head a bit so that his hair was now hanging over his face.

Murdoc grabbed the small bottle of lube off the ledge of a sink; he squirted what was left in the bottle into the palm of his hand and rubbed it over his erection. He tossed the bottle to the floor then slowly pushed himself inside of the younger man. 2D's body tensed and he let out a few soft groans; the bassist gave it a moment before pulling out then pushing back in. He gripped tightly to the blue haired man's hips as he started slowing pushing inside of him. He bit into the younger man's shoulder as he pulled out then pushed back in harder this time, 2D let out a long moan arching his back this time in response. Murdoc kept his eyes on the singer's reflection, his tightly shut eyes, his opened mouth, and the low moans falling from it.

Murdoc reached up tangling his fingers in the younger man's hair yanking his head back. 2D let out a low moan his eyes snapping open trying to look back at the older man. The Satanist pressed his body flush against his leaning in and kissing him hungrily, he picked up his pace thrusting harder into the younger man's body. He broke away from the kiss and placed both hands on 2D's hips as he continued thrusting into him. Murdoc bit at his own lip to keep from moaning the way that he wanted to, he could hear people outside talking and moving around.

He ran his tongue along the singer's spine enjoying the way 2D shivered under his tongue. Murdoc reached around wrapping his hand around the younger man's dick and began stroking him in time with his quick thrusts. He bit into 2D's shoulder as he continued thrusting into him trying to bring himself closer to climax, he ran the pad of his thumb over the head of his dick causing him to jerk and moan loudly in response. Murdoc kept his mismatched eyes locked on their reflections; he couldn't get enough of the way the taller man's pale skin looked under his green tinged skin and the way his hand looked on him bringing him closer to the edge.

He could feel himself getting closer as he worked the younger man in time with the frantic pace of his hips. The body under his tensed and soon 2D was coming into his hand, Murdoc kissed and bit at the pianist back as he rode out his orgasm, his muscles tensing and relaxing. With another thrust the bassist was coming too, he bit into the other man's back to keep from letting out the loud moans and growls he felt building up inside of him. His thrusts went from fast and frantic to slow until he finally pulled out. He wiped himself clean then pulled his jeans back up fastening them. He watched as 2D did the same, Murdoc walked over to him wrapping his arms around him and pulling his body against his.

"Yer fuckin' gorgeous yew know t'at right?" Murdoc muttered as he kissed the front of the younger man's neck.

"I fink we shoul' go out before Russ gets mad at us." 2D said smiling down at the older man.

"Yeah probably a good idea, fat arse seems to always got an eye on us anymore." The bassist said bitterly.

The singer laughed then kissed him slowly.

"I love yew, even if yew are kinda crazy n' all." 2D said pulling away.

"I love yew too Stu"

He followed the blue haired man out into the rest of the building. Noodle stood to the side strumming at her guitar while Russel stood leaning back against a wall with his arms folded across his chest looking more than annoyed. Once he spotted the two men he pushed away from the wall and walked over to them looking pissed.

"Where the hell have you two been, we go on in one minute. I've been looking for the two of you and you disappear all of the sudden."

Murdoc smirked and flung an arm around the vocalist shoulder.

"Er we were busy foolin' 'round in t'e restroom." He said chuckling

Russel shut his eyes and shook his head slowly as he waved his hand dismissively.

"I didn't need to know that shit, why did I even ask, you know what just don't tell me stuff anymore….Just we need to get on stage." He said turning and walking away from the two.

Murdoc laughed as he went over to grab his flying V out of its case and made his way on stage with the rest of his band mates. This was their third show after the make out session on stage, the interviews they had done had all been strange. Usually somebody asking if it was just for show, if Murdoc had been drunk, or if it had been a dare; of course fans seemed interested in it too. He didn't mind the people who congratulated him or told him they thought it was nice that he was with 2D, but he was starting to get annoyed with the people calling him a sell out for being with another man and the women who kept saying they could make him straight again. He noticed at shows there would be people there who only came to bitch and yell the most idiotic things. If he thought he could really get away with it he'd jump off stage, knock them on their asses, and cut them open. He refrained from that though, he'd flip them off, or go up to 2D and fondle him just to piss them off more.

After each show Russel would usually chastise them about how it wasn't a good idea to do that stuff especially just to piss people off. Murdoc didn't care though; he'd never really cared what people thought. If they hated him, hated something about him especially something like being with another man then he loved it. They actually wasted time in their lives to hate somebody they didn't even know, people had always entertained him when he didn't want to see them dead.

This show was like most of them; the people who only came for the music, the people who came as groupies, and the people who came to safely bitch about how much they hated gay people. Every now and again 2D would make his way over to the Satanist and lean against him, run his fingers through his hair, or bury his face against his neck. Murdoc would usually return the actions by making out with the blue haired man, biting his neck, or rubbing against him.

He knew once the show was over people would tell them they shouldn't do that, they'd go to some restaurant where Russel would complain about safety and things like that. Murdoc wouldn't listen, he would just sit there and play with 2D's hair waiting for the drummer to shut up or go out of his head for an hour or so. At this point it was all becoming normal routine, it was a routine that Murdoc didn't really mind. He kind of felt like he was being somebody different, he wasn't normal, but he felt better in some strange way. He liked having somebody to look after, protect, and care for. Those were things he thought he could never do in his life, but he was actually doing them. He still got angry quite often, sometimes he'd just black out, but his rage was never taken out on 2D. It was never even a thought; maybe he was actually learning some form of control his ancestors hadn't known.

Before he knew it the show was over and they were back stage changing into clothes that weren't soaked in sweat. He could hear people outside screaming and talking; he pulled on a clean shirt then went outside with his band mates behind him. It was the usual with women trying to hit on him, every now and again some kid would ask him why he's a Satanist, and mostly it was just the same old stuff he tuned out. He looked over to see Russel talking and laughing with a group of fans, Noodle was with a group of teen girls who seemed absolutely fascinated by the young guitarist, and 2D was with the usual group of fans who thought he was sexy or were fascinated by his odd appearance. It was weird how they'd been a band for so many years and people would still ask 2D if his eyes were really blood filled.

Murdoc turned his attention back to the people surrounding him. A few of the girls were telling him how he had sex with them a few years back, he didn't remember them, but he pretended that he did. He had realized years ago that women for some reason thought that rockers remembered them when they had sex with them, maybe some did, but Murdoc wasn't one of them.

"Hey Muds I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette, I'll be back in a bit a'right?" 2D said as he pulled the packet from his jeans pocket.

Murdoc nodded at him and watched the singer walk off before turning his attention back to the people surrounding him. He actually kind of considered following the blue haired man, he really did want away from everybody. He did love fame and attention, more than was really considered healthy, but the repeated questions drove him to the point of being homicidal. He finally got to the point where he just turned away from the girls and their annoying questions and comments and made his way over to Russel who was still casually talking to a group of people.

"Where's 'D at?" The drummer asked looking around for the vocalist.

"Went off for a cigarette or somethin', shoul' be back in a few minutes." Murdoc replied shrugging

"I figured you would go with him, you're almost always with him….Oh and by the way I thought I told you to tone the on stage antics down some."

"Yeah, yeah whatever, it's not a big deal or anythin'. Not my fault some people get a bit mad 'bout two blokes kissin'."

"You're seriously a bad influence on him." Russel said shaking his head.

The group of fans walked away leaving the two men alone.

"Exactly how am I a bad influence, he is a grown man yew know." Murdoc said folding his arms over his chest and glaring up at the younger man.

"Anything you say to him he believes and whatever you do he goes along with it."

The bassist sighed loudly; he didn't even want to get pissed off over this again. He probably should have just gone off with 2D to take a smoke break.

"Are yew seriously goin' to go back on 'ow yew t'ink I'm using him?"

"I don't know what you're doing I just don't exactly trust you for many good reasons."

"I'm really sick of tellin' yew t'at I'm not usin' 'im and the stuff on stage isn' hurting anybody."

"You can't just do stuff like that, we're getting way too many pissed off people coming around our shows lately. I already told you I don't approve of you with 2D, but I really don't like the idea of him getting hurt because you have an obsession with people noticing you."

"Whatever, I'm gonna go find 'D I'll meet yew back at t'e hotel." Murdoc mumbled as he turned and walked away from the drummer.

He really did like the times when Russel was out of it in one of his possession fits. At least then he couldn't talk or accuse the Satanist of being a prick. He'd expected Noodle to be the one to give him hell over this, but so far if anything she just seemed rather supportive. She had her problems with Murdoc, but she didn't care as long as 2D was happy. Russel on the other hand just saw the many ways in which 2D could be used and abused mentally and physically. It got to the bassist, not a lot, but enough to annoy him every now and again.

He walked along the side walk glancing down alleyways wondering where the vocalist was at. He'd been gone for about fifteen minutes, maybe longer by now. Usually he would have been back sooner, Hell maybe he just decided to head back to the hotel.

"2D where t'e hell are yew at?" Murdoc asked as he continued glancing around the nearly vacated city that surrounded him.

Everything around him seemed dead and deserted, every shop had its lights off, and everything just had a dead feeling to it. It actually made him miss being at Kong for a minute until he remembered the zombies and the poltergeists that usually kept him up at night.

"2D come on mate, if I don't got yew where Russ can see ya he's gonna bitch at me more."

He almost passed by one alley until he decided to glance down it and caught a glimpse of something not too far away from him. He looked around then made his way into the darkened area, a dim light over head cast a sickly light on the shape lying on the ground. As he got closer he recognized the aqua blue hair.

"Shit"

2D lay on his side one arm out stretched the other laying over his chest. His eyes were closed, hair dirty, there was blood on his face. Murdoc kneeled down in front of him and reached out taking hold of his shoulder and shaking him gently.

"C'mon wake up mate, 2D wake up….Stu wake t'e fuck up."

The younger man groaned, he opened his eyes slowly and tried to pull away from the bassist, but couldn't. He just ended up letting out a low pained cry.

"It's me; Murdoc, c'mon luv…Fuck w'at happened to yew?" He asked as he looked over the younger man.

There was a cut under his left eye, his nose was bloodied, and there were a few small cuts on his forehead. Murdoc looked the rest of him over noticing the red finger print shapes on his neck and the blood stains seeping through his shirt.

"Fuck yer bleedin', w'at happened?" He asked as he pulled the younger man's shirt up slowly revealing a long cut in his stomach, nothing deep enough to cause a lot of damage though.

The younger man reached up grabbing at his shirt as he tried to pull himself up, but fell back down on the ground with another pained cry.

"Stop t'at, yer bleedin' yew don't need to move….Fuck, I'm gonna call an ambulance, a'right?"

He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number; an operator picked up on the second ring. He told her what he'd found and where they were at, he felt like strangling her when she said it'd be ten minutes. He shoved his phone back into his pocket deciding that he would call Russel once they were at the hospital.

Murdoc sat down on the ground and carefully pulled the younger man onto his lap cradling him. He ran his fingers through his hair checking for blood hoping to hell he didn't have another serious head injury.

"C'mon 'D yew gotta tell me who did t'is to ya."

"I was ou' 'ere smoking an-an' next fing I know I fel' somefink 'it me in t'e back real hard…Well t'is guy picked me up by me throat an' slammed me against t'e wall…T'ey were tauntin' me an' stuff an' I tol' em to fuck off, an' I kinda blacked out a bit…Fuck Muds my stomach hurts." The younger man groaned and draped his arm over his stomach covering the long cut like holding it would make it better.

Murdoc looked down at the wound; most of the blood was dried. He placed a kiss against the singer's forehead.

"I know, do yew remember t'em cuttin' yew?"

"Y-yeah….T'ey took me flick knife, when t'ey were kickin' me an' stuff I got it out finkin' I coul' maybe cut 'em or somefink…Well t'e one guy saw it and took it from me, stepped on my han' and grabbed it away from me…Did yew call an ambulance?"

"Yeah luv, we're gonna get yew to t'e hospital so they can stitch yew up and stuff." Murdoc said trying to stay calm.

He should have just gone with him; it wasn't like had been doing anything better. He could have went with 2D and then nobody would have attacked him and if they tried he would have fucking murdered them. He wished he'd walked this way a few minutes earlier so he could have caught them and shown them to the gates of Hell personally.

"I don' need to go to t'e hospital, I'm fine." 2D muttered as he tried to pull himself up into a sitting position.

"Stop doin' t'at yer goin' to t'e hospital….Why t'e hell were t'ey attackin' yew?"

"T'ey were waitin' for me, t'ey found out 'bout us bein' together an' stuff…T'e whole gay fing so t'ey were waitin' to get me alone….I fink t'ey wanted to kill me, but t'ere were some sirens near by so t'ey kinda just dropped me and ran off….T'en a bit later yew came by."

"Fuck I should have went with yew, fuckin' bastards. If I find 'em I'm gonna skin them." Murdoc growled angrily.

He felt slightly relieved when he heard the sirens coming closer. He could hear a vehicle near by followed by doors then people, a moment later two men with a stretcher were walking down the alley followed by a woman. Murdoc helped the two male paramedics lift the singer onto the stretcher; 2D grabbed onto the bassist hand, and kept saying how he wanted Murdoc to go with them.

"I'm going too; I'm not lettin' yew lot take him alone." The bassist said as he followed them back to the ambulance.

The two men ignored him as they got the blue haired man into the back of the vehicle, the woman stood there staring at the green skinned man for a bit.

"Are you family?" one of the male paramedics asked as he eyed the older man.

Murdoc gritted his teeth and shook his head.

"No I'm not related to 'im, but he's my boyfriend, an' I'm goin' wit' 'im whether yew Fuckin want me to or not." He replied angrily.

"You can come with us." The woman said gesturing for him to get in the back with them.

Murdoc smiled at her before climbing into the vehicle and sitting on one of the benches. 2D grabbed onto his hand holding it tightly, he smiled up at the older man.

The Satanist tried to keep his mind clear as they made their way to the hospital. It wasn't like 2D was hurt that badly, he was cut up, and would have some really bad bruises in an hour or so, but other than that he seemed okay. He knew if the police got involved they most likely wouldn't find the two guys who had beaten him up, Murdoc wished to Hell he knew who they were so he could get them himself. The only problem he really had with this was calling Russel once they were at the hospital, the drummer had bitched at them for several days about being careful. Now here Murdoc was in the back of an ambulance holding the younger man's hand, he nearly considered not telling him at all. He wasn't in the mood to be yelled at, bad enough he was fighting off his own thoughts right now. He needed to be calm for a little bit, once they were at the hospital and Murdoc was alone in the waiting room then he could hate on himself openly. Until then he just needed to stay calm for a few minutes longer.


	37. Chapter 37

Murdoc sat in the waiting room of the hospital with his face in his hands. The doctors had told him that the cut wasn't that bad, it looked like whoever cut him had been going rather deep, but then went shallow probably around the time they thought they heard cop cars near by. He also said that 2D didn't have any serious head injuries or broken bones, but he had a rather large bruise on his right side over his rib cage, black eye, bruises on his neck, arms, chest, middle of his back, and various cuts on his face along with a few on his hand from where they had taken the knife from him during the fight.

The Satanist was relieved to hear that there was no serious injury, quite a few stitched, a bit of bleeding, and a lot of soreness for the next week or so. Those were things 2D seemed to be accustomed to, usually injuries caused personally by Murdoc, but that was a different time…Now the bassist sat in an uncomfortable gray chair groaning and yanking at his greasy hair as he waited for his other two band mates to arrive. He had been slightly thankful when Noodle had answered, he hated worrying the young girl, but she didn't give him any hell. She had been worried, but calmed a bit when he explained the situation at hand. He knew Russel wouldn't be the same way; Murdoc really wasn't in the mood to deal with this.

He wished he fucking knew what those guys looked like. He wanted to find them and murder them; he didn't even care if he ended up in the electric chair. He knew he should have went with 2D, followed him just to make sure that nobody screwed with him. If he had gone with him then if those guys had tried anything Murdoc could have taken care of it, could have protected the blue haired man….Yet he had to hang around talking to idiotic girls and people telling him it was wrong to be with another man.

He thought about himself for a bit, how much he loathed hospitals. He'd rather stitch himself up, pop some pills, and sleep it off instead of go to a hospital. They made him remember all the times growing up that he ended up in them, broken bones, the stench of his own blood, and the sensation that he'd probably die from his father's over abuse….This wasn't about him though, it was about how he should have been looking out for 2D, keeping him safe. Ever since he'd ran the kid over with his van he'd become Murdoc's responsibility, for awhile that drove him insane, and made him resent the younger man, but anymore he wanted the responsibility. He wanted to be every role that he could be, he wanted to protect him and love him, but he'd fucked up on protecting him.

He wished that he had something to drink, he was nearing sober right now and it drove him insane. He hadn't had anything to drink since sometime before the concert. He'd really want something to drink when Russel was there screaming at him, telling him how he couldn't take care of 2D, accusing him of not even giving a fuck. Sometimes Murdoc still wished he couldn't feel, the things he felt anymore scared the hell out of him. It scared him how somebody could make him feel weak, vulnerable, and so open when he allowed himself to be….He craved it though, he had never been open or vulnerable with anybody before in his life. He craved that and the care the singer gave him more than the drugs he shoved into his system to shorten his life span.

"Where the fuck is he at?" Russel's voice yelled booming through out the vacant waiting room.

Murdoc growled and lifted his head up glaring up beneath his fringe at the drummer who towered over him. Noodle stood by his side with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her jeans; she looked worried, and nervous.

"In room 79, t'ey go' 'im all stitched up an' stuff…Said he fell asleep right after t'ey got done wit' the stitches…A couple cops went in to talk to 'im while they were checking him over." The bassist replied his voice sounded distant and he didn't even really meet the larger man's white eyes.

"I can't believe you let this happen, I told you this was going to happen. No you couldn't listen to me, because all you fucking care about is the shock value."

Murdoc stood to his feet and moved closer to the drummer.

"I didn' fuckin' mean for this to happen, yew really t'ink I wanted t'is to happen to him?" The Satanist yelled angrily.

"Yeah maybe you did, it's a good little stunt for you isn't it? Treating 2D like some fucking sex toy on stage, beating him up in private, then letting some guys gang up on him and beat him. I bet the press will love it and so will the ladies." The drummer said his voice filled with anger and bitterness.

The older man's body shook with rage, anxiety, and frustration. He couldn't stop thinking; thinking about how much he wanted to kill Russel, how much he hated himself, and how fucking pathetic all of this really was. How pathetic he was to let people think he really was nothing but a wretched excuse of a human. He hated all of this and he just wanted to curl up in a ball drinking until he slipped away from everything.

"Fuck yew Russ; I didn' let t'is happen. How many fuckin' times do I got to tell yew t'at I actually love him, t'at I haven't hurt him one fuckin' time since he over dosed. I've been looking after him, I fucked up, okay?"

"Bull shit, you're a womanizing prick, and all you used to say was how gross gay guys were. I don't believe for one fucking minute you actually care about that kid. All you fucking do is lie, do whatever makes you money, control every fucking thing around you, and you never give a damn who gets hurt along the way."

A few nurses slowed and watched the confrontation, but quickly moved along when Murdoc glared in their direction.

He could feel the tears burning in his eyes, his face was hot, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to break everything in sight or just kill over.

"This isn' about t'e Fuckin money! I don' even fuckin' care 'bout t'at, I'm so fucking sick of yew giving me shit over t'is. I get he's like a brother to yew, I get I'm a sick fuckin' bastard, but I'm not using him. I love him and I'm fuckin' sorry t'at this happened to him, I shoul' 'ave fuckin' been there…I shoul' have fucking protected him and beat those bloody pricks up for doing this and I didn' fuckin' mean for any of t'is to happen…I jus' I didn't….I didn' mean for it to happen." His voice went from angered to weak and breaking.

Murdoc sank back down into the chair and covered his face with his hands as tears began falling from his eyes. He muttered cuss words beneath his breath, cursing himself for crying. He cried in private and around 2D, nobody else, especially people who wanted to see him as nothing but soulless. Why should they see him as anything besides that, he was so fucking tired of everything. He wondered how things would have been if he'd never hit 2D with his van; he could have stayed perfectly fine, his job, and his college…he could have went on to do something less stressful, meet some beautiful girl, and start a normal family somewhere. Russel could have stayed with his family, kept his friends inside his head, and just lived peacefully without any Satanic bassist giving him hell constantly. Noodle probably would still be in a fish shop in Japan or probably living with some random family. He knew in some way he fucked up all of their lives and he couldn't stop thinking about it right now, he felt light headed, and more insane than usual. He let out a weak growl and leaned his head back against he wall closing his eyes tightly.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and his body tensed in response. He opened his eyes and looked over to see Noodle on the chair next to him.

"It's okay Murdoc-san I don't blame you for what happened, you did not know something like this would happen, and 2D-san is okay for the most part is he not?" The young girl asked smiling softly.

"Yeah mostly he's fine luv, I still should 'ave been t'ere wit' him."

"It is not your fault, I know that you care about him, I can tell by the way you are around him. You seem quite happy when you are with him and I like that, I know you did not mean for this to happen. Everything will be just fine." Noodle said as she smiled up at the older man.

The bassist smiled and nodded, he ran his fingers back through his hair. He didn't even bother looking at Russel, he didn't even give a fuck if the drummer believed him or not. At least Noodle knew he wasn't a completely horrible human being.

"Are you family?"

Murdoc looked up to see a doctor, a man probably in his late forties standing there looking at the three of them.

"No, but we're t'e closest that he's got here." Murdoc replied.

"Right, well you can see him, actually when he wakes up you can take him home if you like. He'll probably be in a bit of pain and a bit out of it so if you want to keep him here over night that might be a better idea just in case." The doctor said before nodding and walking away.

Russel was the first one out of the room; Murdoc got up and followed keeping a good distance between him and the drummer. Noodle walked by his side holding his hand, he looked over at the young girl and smiled at her. He actually was beginning to see some of the good sides to a female presence in the band; she seemed to keep them from all murdering each other most of the time.

When they entered the room Murdoc pushed roughly past the larger man and went over taking a seat in a chair next to the hospital bed. 2D was still asleep, the cuts on his face were cleaned, and his shirt had been removed and thrown away. Murdoc looked over the large bruises on his body and the long trail of stitches on his stomach. Looking at him like this made him feel like hell, he didn't even care if his band mates saw him crying this time. He couldn't help it, if Russel thought he was faking it then he didn't fucking care.

He buried his face in his hands and began crying his body shaking with each strangled breath.

"I'm sorry, I really am…I should've been watchin' yew, I'm sorry Stu. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" Murdoc muttered

He felt fingers in his hair and his body shook for a different reason. He looked up at the singer who was now staring at him smiling sadly.

"Why yew cryin' luv, I'm not hurt t'at bad….Jus' a bit sore an' all, but nofink too serious like t'ey told me." 2D said his voice soft as he tried to soothe the older man.

He ran his thumb over the bassist cheek wiping the tears away from his skin. He felt stupid for crying, no matter how many times he did it he always felt weak for it. That was how he was raised that he wasn't supposed to cry it was just another worthless human emotion, but these were rules that came from a man who spent most of his time stoned and angry. Murdoc really didn't aspire to be like that man.

He took hold of the blue haired man's hand gripping tightly, he lightly ran his fingers over the cuts and bruises on 2D's face careful not to hurt him.

"I'm sorry luv, I didn' mean for yew to get hurt….I should've been watchin' yew"

"It's okay Mu'doc I'm not a little kid, yew don't gotta watch me all t'e time. I'm jus' glad t'at yew found me in t'e first place."

"2D-san did you tell the police what happened?" Noodle asked as she took a seat on the edge of the bed looking concerned at the singer.

2D turned his attention to the young girl and smiled.

"Yeah I did luv, told 'em wot I remember anyways…I kinda did black out fer a bit y'know, but I tol' em t'at some guy knocked me in t'e back t'en another started kicking me…I tol' em 'ow t'ey got t'e knife from me and cut me t'at I fink t'ey were just gonna cut me up real bad, let me bleed out until t'ey heard t'ose sirens…T'ey said t'at they'll look for 'em, but I don't fink they really will." 2D said frowning slightly.

"I hope that they find them, they should pay for what they did to you. I am glad that you are safe now, I am very happy that Murdoc-san found you when he did." She said nodding in the direction of the bassist.

"Me too…So when did t'ey say I can leave 'ere, I don' really like bein in hospitals much."

"Doctor said you can leave tonight, but it'd be best if you stayed over night….I think he's right…I think that you should stay over night and tomorrow we'll pick you up and we can discuss the rest of the tour. Maybe we should cut it short and just head back to Kong, maybe pick it back up next year or something." Russel said as he looked at Murdoc like he was waiting for an argument.

"I agree wit' Russ, sounds like a good idea to me." Murdoc said nodding slowly in agreement.

"I don' wanna stay 'ere alone t'ough, place gets really creepy and quiet." 2D said sounding annoyed, he tried to sit up but ended up falling onto his back again.

"Murdoc will stay with you then, I'm sure that you two could use some alone time after what happened. We'll go back to the hotel and come here in the morning."

The Satanist smiled slightly and nodded in agreement, he watched as his other two band mates left the room closing the door behind them. Murdoc leaned back in the chair and sighed heavily, he felt exhausted like he'd just went through every emotion humanly possible in just a few hours.

"C'mon I wan' yew to lie next to me." The singer said patting the spot next to him.

The older man got up on the bed curling up against the blue haired man's side. He placed a hand on his chest his fingers playing with the charm that rested on his pale bruised up skin. He closed his eyes when he felt fingers combing through his hair.

"Don' worry luv it isn' yer fault, a'right?"

Murdoc nodded slowly, he opened his eyes again and looked at the long cut on the vocalist stomach.

"I'll really look after yew t'is time, I don' wanna lose yew cause I'm self absorbed and in my own world….I jus' care about keeping yew safe and happy, t'at's all I want."

"I know luv, it wasn' yer fault t'at t'is happened…Fings jus' happen, t'ose guys were Fuckin pricks y'know….Now stop finkin' so much an' I really hate seein' yew cry too." 2D whispered gently running his fingers along the older man's cheek then across his jawline.

"I will….I love yew so much Stuart, I really wanna be wit' yew, keep yew happy….Safe, anythin'….I jus' like t'e idea of yew bein' mine….I love yew."

"I love yew too Mu'doc, let's get some sleep, yeah? Yew look more exhausted t'an I am."

"Yeah, good night 'D"

"Good night Muds"


	38. Chapter 38

Murdoc woke up in the empty hospital bed and groaned at the uncomfortable almost metal feeling of the mattress underneath him. He sat up feeling disoriented for a moment, his head hurt slightly, and a few seconds later he remembered everything from the night before. 2D getting attacked, the trip to the hospital, Russel yelling at him for letting the vocalist get hurt, the crying, and falling asleep curled up at the singer's side.

He looked around the hospital room and spotted the blue haired man leaning against a wall with a cigarette in hand as he looked out the large window. The Satanist watched the younger man for a bit feeling almost amazed at how tall he was. His left eye was bruised along with his cheek; the cuts didn't show as much as they had the night before. There was a massive black and red bruise along his side; Murdoc could just see the stitches that traced along his rather pale thin body. The younger man looked off in his own world; he looked rather distant, and slightly depressed.

The bassist climbed out of the bed and made his way over to the younger man. He walked up behind him and wrapped his arms loosely around his waist and leaned his forehead against his back. He could see a large bruise in the center of his back from where one of those pricks had hit him from behind. 2D's body tensed, but quickly relaxed into the older man. He leaned back pressing himself against the shorter man.

"How are ya feelin?"

"Sore, bu' I'm not too bad otha' t'an t'at….Fanks for stayin' wif me." 2D said turning to face the older man.

Murdoc leaned up kissing him softly. He grabbed the cigarette from the younger man's hand and stuck it between his own lips taking a long drag closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of the smoke burning and tickling down the back of his throat. He turned his head to the side and exhaled watching the gray clouds of smoke whirl around in the air then quickly disappear, he handed the stick back to the singer watching him take a drag from it.

"I didn' really plan on leavin' yew alone 'ere anyways luv; soon we'll be back at t'e hotel t'en tomorrow we'll probably go back to Kong." He mumbled as he traced the various cuts and bruises on the blue haired man's body.

He felt fingers combing through his hair then wandering down along the side of his neck. He shivered at the touch; he almost always shivered when the younger man touched him.

"I kinda t'ought for a bit t'at I was gonna die." 2D muttered.

"Yew didn' t'ough" Murdoc replied not really wanting to think about it again.

The doctor had even told him they had all intentions of killing 2D, but the sirens had scared them off.

"I knew t'ey were goin' to, t'ey even said t'at they were cause of me bein' gay an' all….I hated t'e idea of leavin' yew all alone, t'at's t'e only fing t'at bothered me 'bout it."

The bassist bit at his bottom lip as he felt that panic over come him. A few tears fell from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, he lowered his head wanting to hide his face from the singer's view. Why did he have to talk about that, Murdoc had done everything he could to keep from letting his mind go there. He still blamed himself for everything that had happened, it was something he could have prevented quite easily, but he hadn't.

2D placed his index finger under the older man's chin making him look up at him. Murdoc averted his eyes and stared off to the side as more tears slowly fell down his face. The younger man pressed his lips lightly against his cheeks, the bassist felt himself shivering.

"I'm 'ere luv, don' worry 'bout it." 2D whispered his breath warm on the older man's face.

The Satanist looked back up at him into his darkened eyes.

"Yer never gonna die right?" Murdoc asked his voice came out scared almost like a child's.

The younger man smiled and nodded slowly.

"I promise I'm 'ere wif yew forever luv."

The bassist leaned up kissing him slowly, his eyes fell shut as tears continued to fall. 2D curled his fingers against the back of his neck and used his other hand to pull their bodies closer together. The kiss grew deep and hungry nearing desperate, Murdoc felt weak, and helpless. The feeling scared the hell out of him, but at the same time it made him feel like he was having a break from himself and the person he felt he always had to be. He melted against the taller man moaning softly at the feeling of his body pressed against him; he could feel his heart beating against his chest.

The sound of the door clicking shut caused Murdoc to break away from the kiss his face flushed. He rubbed roughly at his cheeks removing all traces of his crying as he turned to see Russel and Noodle standing there looking at the two of them. For once he didn't see any hate or distrust on the drummer's face as he looked at the pair of them. Noodle held a clean shirt in her hand; she walked up to 2D and handed it to him. The singer took it and smiled down at the young girl thanking her before he pulled the shirt on over his head covering up his scars.

"I'm gonna go sign ou' me and Noodle will meet yew guys in t'e parking lot, a'right?" 2D asked as he took the guitarist hand and walked out of the room leaving Murdoc and Russel alone.

The bassist leaned back against the wall shoving his hands in his jeans pockets and taking a deep breath letting it out slowly. He wasn't even sure how he was feeling, he wasn't used to a large range of emotions, and this new feeling was like calmness and depression in one.

"Are you okay man?"

Murdoc looked up at the larger man and shrugged.

"Stu's safe…So yeah guess I'm a'right."

"I'm sorry about the shit I said to you last night."

The bassist raised an eyebrow at the statement; he continued staring at the drummer trying to see something in his blank white eyes.

"Why are yew sorry?"

"I was pissed off, you're always doing all of this dumb sadistic shit, and next thing I know you're telling us that you're in love with 2D….It just seemed really weird to me and I kept waiting to see the point behind it, but when I saw you with him in here last night…how upset you were then this morning, I can tell that you aren't hiding anything. I can tell that you actually love him and for you you're doing the best you can do with him, so I sincerely apologize for the things I said to you."

"T'anks, can' blame yew too much really….I don' trust myself half t'e time either." Murdoc replied smiling.

"So what do you want to do about tour?"

"Call it off, go back to Kong and rest up…Maybe we can pick back up in a few months when all t'is shit 'as calmed down."

"That's a good plan….We should probably head down to the car park, Hell 'D and Noodle are probably there waiting for us." Russel said before turning and walking out of the room with Murdoc behind him.

Murdoc's mind actually felt somewhere near clear for once as they made their way to the car lot. When they arrived 2D and Noodle sat on the concrete talking and playing some game on the singer's cell phone; the ride back to the hotel was relatively quiet except for the occasional conversations and questions. Murdoc mostly just looked out the window at the passing buildings and cars wondering how long his mind could go without being clouded by horrid thoughts and memories.


	39. Chapter 39

Murdoc woke up soaked in sweat, heart pounding in his ears, and his head hurting like crazy. He sat up and ran his hands over his face then back through his sweat soaked hair. He opened his eyes and stared down at the purple blankets on the bed. They had been back at Kong for nearly a week now; they were all finally getting settled back into their usual routines.

He glanced over at 2D who was still asleep his head turned to the side lips slightly parted and blue hair hanging over his face. Murdoc felt a chill go through him as he stared at the younger man and quickly looked away fixing his eyes on the blanket again. He hated nightmares; he hadn't really had any for awhile now. His mind had actually had a settled feeling to it for awhile there, but now they plagued his mind again. He tried to rid the images from his mind, but they wouldn't go. He let out a frustrated groan as he clawed his nails into the sides of his head sending little sparks of pain through his already throbbing head.

He felt a hand on his back and jerked away at the sudden touch. He looked over to see 2D staring up at him concerned.

"Sorry" The Satanist muttered still trying to shake the nightmare from his mind.

2D sat up and placed a hand on the older man's shoulder.

"Wot's wrong?"

Murdoc looked away and ran his fingers back through his hair.

"Just a nightmare, t'at's all luv."

"Wot was it about?" He asked gently combing his fingers through the Satanist hair trying to comfort him.

Murdoc closed his eyes and focused on the touch trying to ignore the nightmarish images plaguing his mind. It was just a nightmare, a stupid fucking violent nightmare like all of his other ones.

"I love yew"

"I love yew too, are you a'right?" 2D asked before placing a kiss on his shoulder.

The bassist turned around placing a hand on the younger man's chest pushing him back onto the bed. He climbed on top of the other man; 2D looked up at him curiously with that same questioning in his bloodied eyes. Murdoc leaned down kissing him desperately feeling those shivers go through his spine at the feeling of the warm body under him, the lips pressing against his, and the tongue pushing against his lips. He didn't want his mind running his life, making him depressed, and scaring him.

Nails dug into his back causing the Satanist to arch his back. He bit at the singer's bottom lip before pulling away and moving to his neck. He traced the tip of his tongue over fading bruises and cuts before biting into clean pale flesh losing himself in the whimpers and soft moans that 2D made.

Murdoc ran his tongue down the other man's chest; he ran his tongue back and forth over the younger man's right nipple. 2D dug his fingers into the bassist back and moaned as the bassist repeated the action with the other nipple. He ran his fingers along the taller man's sides feeling the slight outline of his ribs beneath his finger tips. The bassist continued running his tongue down the blue haired man's body sometimes nipping at his stomach. He wanted to look at 2D's face, but he couldn't bring himself to.

He wrapped a hand around the other man's dick stroking him a couple of times drawing more moans from him. Murdoc wrapped his tongue around the head as he continued stroking him, fingers tangled in his hair pushing at his head silently urging him. He took the younger man's dick into his mouth almost to the base. He ran his tongue up and down along the under side as he bobbed his head up and down the singer's erection.

He focused on each whimper and moan that the blue haired man made as the bassist sucked him harder bringing him closer to the edge. He felt a hand pushing against his shoulder and pulled away sitting back on his knees staring down curiously at the younger man. 2D crawled over to the bassist and wrapped his arms around him kissing him roughly. Murdoc moaned into the kiss tangling his fingers in spiked blue hair.

2D pushed him back on the bed straddling the shorter man; he broke away from the kiss and stared down at the older man smiling slyly. He placed his hands on the bassist chest then leaned down kissing him slower this time. Murdoc placed his hands on either side of the younger man's face pulling him closer and kissing him harder. The blue haired man pulled away panting and staring down at the bassist, he still had that look of concern on his face.

"Wot was yer nightmare 'bout?" 2D asked his voice low, he traced his fingers along the Satanist side.

"I hurt yew really bad….Let's jus' leave it at t'at, a'right?"

The pianist nodded slowly before leaning down and kissing along Murdoc's neck. The Satanist closed his eyes groaning at the feeling of a tongue running along his neck and collar bone followed by light nipping on his chest. He lightly raked his nails up and down 2D's back enjoying the feeling of the tongue pressing against the center of his chest moving slowly downwards. He felt a hand on his inner thigh and groaned, he felt his body tense and that shock of pleasure go through him when nails bit into his thigh. He opened his eyes and looked down at the blue haired man who stared up at him smirking.

"Yer a prick y'know" Murdoc muttered before letting out a low moan as 2D raked his nails along his skin.

"I learned from t'e best"

The younger man wrapped a hand around the bassist dick firmly stroking him. He pressed his tongue against the under side running it from the base up to the tip running his tongue over his head making Murdoc arch his back and moan loudly. 2D moved to his thigh running his tongue along the skin before biting at it. He didn't even try to control his moaning at this point, he had to close his eyes when he began feeling light headed by the sensations coursing through his body. It blew his mind how quickly the singer learned his body and spots he hadn't even known about before. He felt teeth and nails digging against his inner thigh while rather talented fingers worked his dick. He could feel himself getting closer; he bucked his hips craving more of everything he was feeling, but all sensations left leaving him feeling cold and mildly frustrated. Murdoc opened his eyes and looked up to see 2D sitting back on his knees grinning at him.

"Cock tease"

"Am not" The blue haired man replied

He watched as the singer positioned himself over the bassist dick slowly pushing the older man inside of him.

"Ah fuck" Murdoc groaned at the sensation of tight wet heat wrapping around him at a slow pace that nearly killed him.

He took hold of the younger man's hips digging his nails into his skin letting out a low growl once the blue haired man was completely impaled on him. 2D began rocking against him as Murdoc thrusts into him. He dragged his nails up the singer's sides watching as he tossed his head back moaning loudly as he built up a steady pace of thrusting against the bassist. Murdoc lifted his hips and began thrusting harder into the younger man causing him to cry out his name along with a few choice words. The Satanist sat up wrapping one arm around 2D's middle holding him closely. He placed a hand on the back of his head forcing him to look at him; his eyes were half lidded and glistening in their near crimson color.

"Yer perfect"

Murdoc kissed him hungrily pushing his tongue into his mouth tasting cigarettes and beer. Fingers dug into his back as the other man's body worked against him, he swallowed each desperate cry as they kissed. He laid 2D back on the bed placing his hands on either side of his head; the blue haired man wrapped his legs around the middle of his back staring up at him through lust filled eyes. Murdoc began thrusting into him harder now; 2D threw his head back against the bed closing his eyes tightly. The Satanist bit and sucked at his neck moving his hands down to his hips holding him still as he quickened his pace feeling himself growing closer. He took hold of the singer's erection stroking him in time with his thrusts.

With a few more thrusts he was coming inside of him, he bit into 2D's shoulder as he rode out his orgasm his thrusts slowing until they stopped. Shortly after the singer came into his hand and onto his own stomach; Murdoc pulled out and collapsed down next to him on the bed. He felt a body press against his side and wrapped his arm loosely around the other man's shoulders. He turned his head looking over at him and smiled weakly. He ran his fingers through 2D's hair pushing it back behind his ear; he placed a kiss on his forehead.

"I love yew and I would do anything for ya, whatever it is as long as it keeps yew safe and happy."

2D buried his face against the crook of the older man's neck.

"I love yew too Muds, I know yew wouldn' hurt me….I'm happy as long as I'm wit' yew."

Murdoc sighed heavily as he stared up at the graffiti stained ceiling. He wished he could say he felt the same way, but something in his mind told him everything was going to change.


	40. Chapter 40

Murdoc knew that it was completely his fault; it was his idea to do the stupid music video. His idiotic idea to leave Noodle all alone on that floating island while him and the others sat in a recording room watching the video footage. He actually felt his heart stop beating for a moment when the men in the helicopters started shooting at the island, aiming at the young girl. He thought for a moment that it wasn't real that it was just a trick of his mind. Sometimes he did that, he'd see or hear things that weren't really there, hallucinations, and such…he hoped this was one of them until 2D grabbed him by the shoulder and started shaking him violently, screaming and asking what the hell was going on. He couldn't respond, couldn't look away from the screen, he just kept watching the young girl, the panic, and fear.

He could just barely hear Russel yelling Noodle's name, banging his fists against the desk like that would stop it, and make her appear in the room with them. Murdoc only sat there in shock completely unable to move or respond. He just kept watching the screen which now had faded to fuzz. 2D was still screaming, still shaking him trying to get him to say something.

He saw Russel run from the room with a few other men behind him, part of the crew working on the video. Murdoc stood and followed them, he didn't even run. He just walked in an almost zombie like trance, 2D was right beside him holding his hand tight enough to hurt as he tried to make the older man move faster. He could hear him yelling, but not what he was saying. He saw tears running down his cheeks, his lower lip quivered, and his body shook. Murdoc wanted to comfort him, make him feel better, but he couldn't. He couldn't feel or do anything, he was in shock. Was she dead?

When they were outside they all just stood there looking down at the abyss of trash and near nothingness. They all stared down; black smoke filled the air making it hard to breathe. None of them cared though. Russel ran to the edge and dropped to his knees screaming Noodle's name begging for her to say something, for some sign. Murdoc saw the larger man's body shake and within seconds he was sobbing. 2D ran to the edge actually ready to run over it and fall until Murdoc reacted for the first time in that half hour and ran over grabbing him by his midsection and pulling him back roughly knocking both of them onto the ground. The singer kicked and thrashed against him, screaming, cursing as he tried to get away from the Satanist. Murdoc held on tightly and soon the younger man's body went limp and he was shaking, sobbing burying his face against the bassist chest. He loosened his grip on the blue haired man and let him sob, he still felt nothing. He listened to the crying, the crackle of fire down below, and somebody calling the police most likely.

He wished he could feel something, but for the first time in years he was completely numb.


	41. Chapter 41

The first two weeks were dedicated to searching every part of the landfill for any sign of Noodle. They only found scraps of clothes and a bit of hair, nothing else in the wreckage. The police looked a little bit, not a lot though. When she'd been gone for a month the police stopped looking all together. Murdoc would go off at night and go down to Hell looking for her. He never told Russel or 2D that he was doing that; they weren't noticing a lot of things lately. He would ask the demons if they'd seen her, but they always told him no….Sometimes he thought that they were lying, but it was impossible to tell. Satan told him that he'd be coming for his soul soon so Murdoc tried to avoid the underworld anymore.

Russel usually kept to himself generally locked up in his room working on his experiments or sometimes just crying. 2D would sit and stare off a lot, take too many pills, and cry himself to sleep. Murdoc was drinking again, a lot….He partially did it because he didn't want to care about Noodle going missing; he was the only one in his band who hadn't cried, or showed any emotion towards it. He answered the questions of interviewers generally lying. In his mind he was making up lies, especially by when one month turned into two and before he knew it it'd almost been a year.

"She's dead isn't she?" 2D asked as he looked over the railing down at the landfill.

Murdoc took a long drink from his bottle emptying it, he threw it over the railing watching it fall then listening to the resounding crash from down below. He looked over at the singer and shrugged.

"I tol' ya she isn't dead, she'll be back, and she's just fine." He said his voice sounded so fake, so shallow.

He could feel himself going back to his old ways, his mask, but it was worse now. He felt himself changing almost like part of his humanity died when Noodle went missing.

2D looked over at him and attempted to smile, but it only resulted in him crying again. He was so sick of seeing the singer crying, at first it killed him, but now it just pissed him off. He hated everybody being so emotional; he'd lied and told them that she was safe. That she would come back to them probably in a month or so, but maybe they were smarter than that and didn't believe him. He kind of hoped that they were, some part of him hoped that his lie was true.

"Stop cryin' so much I tol' ya she'll be back, jus' give it a month or two."

"Why did she leave, I t'ought she was 'appy 'ere wit' us….She coul' 'ave tol' me, tol' me t'at she was leaving." The younger man said his voice cracking with every word as he shook his head letting his hair fall over his face.

"Hell if I know she just wanted to go do some t'ings off on her own…She needs t'at, she'll be back until t'en we need to get back to business y'know…Maybe do a few more tracks, a few more shows…"

2D looked over at him in disbelief; Murdoc could only stare back at him blankly. He knew the things he was saying were cruel, heartless, but he was beginning to feel that way. When the shock after Noodle's appearance had finally faded away he had felt this weird emptiness. Every day it felt like that emptiness was growing like it was consuming him, killing the person he'd tried to become, and making him into what he feared.

"Yer unbelievable"

"I get t'at a lot luv" Murdoc replied smirking

The taller man no longer looked sad or shocked just repulsed.

"How can yew say t'at? Don' yew even care t'at she jus' left us all like t'at? She, she's like a little sister to me. I really loved 'er yew know, I'm supposed to take care of her. All yew care about is making records and money an' stuff." 2D said disgust dripping from every word.

"Look she'll come back, in t'e mean time we shoul' jus' keep on workin…She won't be angry if we do, it's w'at she would've wanted….She'll be back, I keep tellin yew t'at." Murdoc said as he turned and went back into the house.

When he went into the rec room he saw Russel sitting on the couch staring ahead at nothing several suitcases on the floor beside him.

"W'at t'e hell is this?" The Satanist asked pointing at the packed bags.

The drummer looked over at them then up at the older man, he looked gone.

"I'm leaving" He said his voice flat, empty.

"Who t'e bloody hell said yew can leave fat arse?" Murdoc asked angrily as he glared at the younger man.

"I can't, when baby girl comes back then I'll come back. Until then I'm going, I'm not saying where, but when…If she comes back then I'll come back too."

With that he stood up from the couch grabbing his suit cases and making his way out of the room.

"Fucking bastard, t'is is my band I didn' fuckin' say yew coul' quit!"

His voice echoed off of the walls, he expected Russel to come back. Expected to see that anger, expected the drummer to come charging back into the room and punch him right in the face. Nothing happened though, he heard the front door shut and that was it. Everything was falling apart, his band had finally reached the peak of fame, the Devil was coming knocking at his door any day, and his band was falling apart all around him. He felt that rage course through him; he didn't want to feel it.

Murdoc turned around and glared at the blue haired singer who looked confused and slightly scared now.

"Looks like it's just the two of us now faceache." He said bitterly before walking out of the room.

He didn't even care what 2D did anymore. He didn't want to care, he'd leave too, and everybody was fucking leaving lately. Murdoc grabbed a bottle of rum from the cabinet and made his way out to the car lot and into his Winnie. He hadn't been in the damned thing for ages, but after the first couple of months of Noodle being missing he'd come back to it. Sometimes 2D would join him, curl up by his side and try to talk to him. Look for comfort; for the first few weeks Murdoc had comforted him…Partially because he felt like he had to, but mostly because he had still wanted to. Still had wanted to hold him tightly, keep that bit of his sanity…He couldn't anymore, now he just felt hatred towards everybody especially himself.

He hated Noodle for disappearing, for agreeing to do the stupid video. He hated Russel for leaving like that; giving up on looking for the young girl he considered to be a daughter. He hated 2D for being so weak, so pathetic just crying and drugging himself up constantly. He hated himself for coming up with the video idea, for still releasing the damned thing which he felt was his first step of losing his humanity. He remembered how angry Russel and 2D had been when he told them he released the video, put the music in it, the song 2D had written…The song he'd written out of so much desperation and sorrow, the song that went with the possible death of their guitarist….They hated him for weeks after that, he could see a change in the way the singer looked at him. Like he was trying to find the man he was in love with, but he was no longer there. They stopped talking, stopped touching, and ever since then it'd been a crash and burn effect.

Now Murdoc was alone in his Winnie drinking again. He didn't want to be sober, he didn't want to remember that day or all of the cruel things he'd done and said since then….The thing that he hated the most about all of this was the fact that sometimes he felt like hitting 2D. He felt like cornering him and beating him until he was nearly dead, that scared him more than anything.


	42. Chapter 42

It was another day of drinking, another day in the empty desolate place Murdoc always loved to call home. He was actually starting to hate Kong anymore; even the ghosts and demons seemed different lately. It was like they knew what was going on, they knew something that he didn't, and they were taunting him over it. He hated them; he hated this place, and the silence it held.

Murdoc walked through the halls with a half empty bottle held loosely in his hand.

"Noodle, Noodle talk to me. Please, c'mon little luv talk to me, Noodle, Noodle!"

The voice carried through the building, desperate, and frantic. He ran through the halls until he came to one of the rooms full of equipment. He saw 2D standing in the middle of the room with a radio in his hand his body was shaking and he was still screaming the guitarist name.

"W'at in Satan's name are yew doing in here?" Murdoc asked feeling frustrated.

The singer let the radio drop to the floor causing it to crack; he turned and glared down at the older man. The bassist froze at the look of panicked rage on the blue haired man's face. Within seconds 2D had his hands tightly wrapped in the collar of Murdoc's shirt and slammed him roughly back against a wall.

"Yew fuckin' tol' me t'at she was safe! Yew tol' me t'at she was alive, t'at she woul' come back, t'at everyfink was okay, yew fuckin' lied to me. Yew lied to me yew rotted ol' fuckin' bastard. Where is she? Wot t'e hell was she talking about on t'e radio?" 2D screamed his voice cracking, black eyes wide and insane looking.

Murdoc wasn't sure if he was more scared or pissed off at the younger man's actions.

"W'at are yew talkin' about?"

"She was on t'e radio callin our names. She wanted help, she was callin' for us, and sayin t'at they're coming for yew."

Realization hit him and his body tensed. He placed his hand against the younger man's chest and shoved him roughly away. He watched as 2D stumbled back nearly falling but catching his balance. He stalked towards the younger man as his mind swam. They were coming for him, they had Noodle, why in hell did they take her? She didn't have anything to do with this, this was all about him, did they know she was the only reason the band had been together all these years?

He gripped the bottle tightly in his hand and raised it in the air. Before his mind could catch up he had already smashed the bottle against the side of the vocalist head knocking him to the ground. 2D was on his side shaking and crying in pain, his head was bleeding, but not a lot. Murdoc grabbed him by his arm jerking him up onto his knees. He didn't look angry just terrified; the bassist punched him in the face then kicked him in the stomach knocking him onto his back.

Blood ran from his nose and mouth, he was shaking. He looked so broken and horrified, scared to fight back. Murdoc was too pissed off to stop, why should he stop? His guitarist was gone, the girl he thought of as a sister she was gone. She wasn't ever coming back; his drummer was gone probably off in the head completely by now. His singer, his boyfriend, his best and only friend was weak and constantly popping pills. Above all that at any moment there would be demons coming for him, a creature with a scythe wanting his soul.

Why did Murdoc have to care who he hurt anymore? He didn't want to care about love or the bleeding man on the floor. He just kept punching him and kicking him, getting angrier every time 2D tried to stop him. He thought over every nightmare he'd ever had, the ones where he beat him to a pulp. They were no longer nightmares they were the present. He didn't want to be human anymore, he didn't want Noodle to be in Hell, he didn't want 2D to love him, and he didn't want to die. He wasn't ready to die, he felt cheated to no end. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

Once the rage was drained from his body he was left with nothing. He felt light headed for a moment like he'd just come to; 2D knocked him off of him and scrambled to his feet. Murdoc stood up and walked after him grabbing him by the arm, not hard this time. The singer turned around and glared down at him.

"Don't fuckin' touch me, don' ever touch me again." He spat angrily as tears fell from his black eyes.

The bassist pulled his hand away and just stared up at him. He felt empty, he felt confused, and he felt like this was one horrid nightmare. This was a year long nightmare and he'd wake up eventually.

"2D I'm…"

"Shut up! I don' wanna hear it, t'is is yer fault. Yew let her go and yew never cared, yew don' care about anybody."

"I care about yew"

He wanted to laugh at himself for saying that…He knew he cared, some part of him cared, but he felt that part of himself dying…he was dying, his soul was, but his body wouldn't….He was turning into his father and maybe somebody worse.

"No yew don', if yew did yew wouldn' have fucking lied to me and yew wouldn' have hit me. Yew promised me yew woul' never hit me and yew tol' me if yew ever did that I need to run. T'at I need to get t'e hell away from yew and never look back…T'at's exactly wot I'm gonna do."

Murdoc stood there watching as the taller man walked away. He considered going after him, talking to him, grabbing him, yelling, kissing him, or anything really…He needed him to stay, he knew once 2D left the man he'd tried to be these past few years would truly be dead.

He stood there staring at nothing for the longest time before finally leaving and going into the rec room just in time to see the singer go through the front door. There wasn't any real goodbye or a last look, 2D did exactly what Murdoc had told him to do; he ran like hell.


End file.
